Anticipating the Quiet

It's eerily quiet in my house tonight. Dinner was simple, quiet, just the three of us.

Brian took the babies and a truckload of their clothes and toys to their new home tonight just to get some of it out of our house.

It's amazing to me how these babies literally came with the clothes on their back and are leaving with a truck bed full of baby dolls, trucks, tricycles, clothes, and then some.

But, I can feel myself fast forwarding to Monday night. Is this what it will be like? When it's just us again?

Wade is so loud when he eats. He makes this funny noise as he munches on every bite of food. He doesn't know how to eat quietly. And Bailey pretty much talks in her two year old language constantly. There is no quiet when they are around.

What will it be like to have two big kids?

Sometime in the past six months while the babies have been here, my babies have become big kids. I don't know when it happened, but it did.

I don't know what it's like to have big kids. We've had diapers in this house for over five years now.

It's going to be strange to not have diapers to change {at least for another 4 months or so}.

It's going to be quiet. That's all I know. Much quieter than it is now.

I still don't know how I feel about them leaving. I know I'll cry. I just don't know when.

The hardest part for me is knowing that I can't be part of their lives for a very very long time. That's tough. We are what they know. They are what we know. And on Monday morning, we won't know them anymore.

I'll know every little thing about them. Things that only mommas know. But I won't know them anymore, and that is hard to fathom.

I know that I could never have done this without the Lord leading us. It would have been so much harder than it has been (if that's possible). But because I've seen His hand in every bit of it, there is peace in my soul.

Anticipating the quiet....

.....day 330 of a year of writing.....