Confessions

Here it is....things you may not know:

*I'm watching the Bachelorette this season...{actually as we speak, I'm getting sucked into this stupid show once again.} Yes, it's a pointless show, and it definitely has some debatable moral issues, but I'm a hopeless romantic, and I really hope she finds a great guy.

*My kids have not been to bed before 10 pm since summer has started. So what?

*My other TV show for the summer is absolutely (hands down) So You Think You Can Dance. It's way too good to miss. I guess I should also tell you that those are the only 2 shows I watch during the summer. I am not a TV junkie at all. I don't watch TV throughout the day or ever unless it's a show I am planning on watching.

*There are days I'm ready for the foster babies to be gone and for our family to be our family again, and then there are days that I don't want them to leave ever. This is definitely a hard journey. We have a hard time getting a hold of the babies' case worker sometimes, and there are times that we feel in the dark about what is next for them.

*I have totally taken advantage of my hubby being home and me being pregnant, and I sleep in most days while he feeds all the kiddos breakfast. I have the best husband ever.

*I've been listening to some old school Rascal Flatts lately. Songs like: "Like I Am," "I Melt," "The Broken Road," and "These Days."

Maybe that's it. I'm sure I have other things to confess to you, but those things will have to wait for another day.

.....day 290 of a year of writing.....

Week 15, Day 7

Well apparently I fell asleep during the Thunder game which sort of sets you up for how helpful/entertaining/inspirational this post will be. {Don't expect too much.}

I have been walking/jogging this week. I was originally trying to walk every single day, but I have realized that that is probably not a realistic expectation. So I decided 5 days a week would be a good goal to shoot for. 

All was well until I fell asleep during the game. I had intentions of walking at halftime, and that obviously didn't happen since I was knocked out on the couch. 

The past couple days I have felt pregnant. Some of it's good....like feeling this baby move on a daily basis.....that's my favorite part of all of this. 

But some of that "feeling pregnant" is annoying. Like lately I have not been able to eat much at one setting, so I have basically been grazing. As a result, it feels like I never really eat a meal, but snack all day long.  I lose my breath really easily and get worn out way too quickly. I guess that all comes from carrying and growing a small human inside me. That's just part of the territory. 

All my pregnancies have really been great, but I can tell a difference in this one and the other 2. I was 22 when I got pregnant with Addison and 23 when she was born. With Luke I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant and 25 when he was born. 

Now at 28, I feel older all of a sudden. I know I'm not that much older, but I just feel like this pregnancy is wearing me out a bit more. Granted that could be the 4 children in my house, but who knows? 

Really they aren't that hard to handle. They're busy and cause us to be busy, but I take that to be a good thing most of the time. 

But every once in a while, I just wear out and do something crazy like fall asleep in the middle of a Thunder play-off game. 

I'm anxiously looking forward to finding out of there is a little boy or a little girl in there. I'm claiming it's a girl, and Brian is claiming it's a boy and Luke of course, says there is a big black baby girl in there. Ha! We'll find out at our ultrasound appointment at 19 weeks. 

Until then, I'm working on getting fatter everyday because that part is kind of fun. Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks pregnant. That means that tiny little baby will be roughly 4.6 inches (about the size of an avocado) and weigh about 3.5 oz. 

It's pretty incredible what the human body can do in such a short amount of time. 

With that being said (sorry to bore you with pregnancy details) I'm going to bed to work on growing a human. It's exhausting work. 

.....day 289 of a year of writing.....

A Little Bit of Everything

It's been a while since I've given you a little bit of everything at once, so I thought tonight should be the night I catch you up.

About the blog:
So some of you were a little worried about me when we were really in the thick of figuring out the foster care thing (aka God was dealing with me and my selfishness), but please remember, I'm not attempting to sugar coat anything. What you get here is me. So when you read things that sound like I'm upset or frustrated or annoyed, then I am, but remember, we all have those feelings daily (most days), we just simply don't always choose to broadcast them to the world.
I'm okay. I'm actually better than okay. I'm wonderful.
The Lord has walked us through a lot lately, but all is well in the Dalke house. So don't you worry your pretty little heads.

About the babies:
The babies (foster babies) are still here. Hopefully they will be until the end of the summer. We have requested that if adoption is in the future, that they begin looking for prospective adoptive parents sooner instead of later to make the last move as smooth as possible.
We have basically drawn a line in the sand and said that we can only keep them until we move (see "about the house" below for more information).
And while we're being honest, there have been days when I have thought that I would adopt him (Wade, the baby who is 16 months old) if it were just him. I know that's awful, but it's the truth. We just simply can't do both of them, and we know that they need to be together if at all possible. Don't hate me for being honest, it's just the truth.

About our kids:
Addy and Luke are already enjoying the summer. They have stayed up late and gotten up too early every day since school has been out. (They are also both napping everyday, so that's a plus for everyone.)
We are loving our lazy summer days.

About the house:
As of right now, our plan is to build! Yeah! We have found an addition that we love. And we have a builder that we love and trust. Now we just have to wait and see if our builder can be approved to build in the addition. That's sort of what it all hinges on.
If all goes well, we'll buy a lot asap. Rent a house asap and hopefully move in July before school starts. Then we'll put our house on the market and hopefully get it sold. We'll pay off the lot and then break ground after the baby is born.
That's the plan. I like a plan. (But you already know that don't you?)

About the travels:
We are coming up on a travel season, and we feel so blessed to be able to travel the way we do (all thanks to Scentsy). Brian and I are going to the Dominican Republic for a week. Then we'll be home for 4 days, and we'll head to Mexico with our kids for my sister's wedding. That's fun, but also a lot of packing. But if I get to hang on the beach for multiple days in a row, I'm down for anything.

I think that's about it. I'm sure there are other things, but that's enough about us for tonight.

.....day 288 of a year of writing.....

287 days in

Lately I've been thinking about where I've been over the past 286 days of writing. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's been this long. 

There are things that I love about it, the 1st being that I can look back and see what my life has looked like over the past 9 months and how God has so clearly moved in it. 

I love being able to look back and see how He was going before us and preparing the way for what He had planned for us. It makes me more confident about the future. I know He'll lead us always. I know He will walk before us always. I love that. 

I also love seeing how the Lord has so greatly changed me. He has a lot more work to do, but I can look back and see how I have more faith now then I did. I'm more obedient now than I used to be. I am more on fire for God's word than I have ever been, and I can see all that clearly as I look back over the past 280+ days. 

I also love how this blog has chronicled the lives of my children and our family. If I don't write it down, I forget it. And now I have it all here and by the end of it, I'll have a year of our life chronicled here. I love that. 

I am beginning to look towards the future too. 

I'm wondering what it will look like. 

I know that the Lord clearly asked me to do this for a year, and there are so many stories I have heard from many of you that have made it worth it. You usually seem to get the most out of the nights that I write out of exhaustion and frustration. You like the real, raw me, and you only get that because I agreed to do this everyday for a year. 

I've figured it out. Day 365 will land on Friday, August 10th. 

That's basically only 3 months away. Ironically when I started blogging, I challenged myself to write for 3 months straight {a post a day in March, April, and May.} And that's how it all began. Then I thought that 3 months was forever, and now I feel like I'm nearing the end of the road with only 3 months left to write. 

I don't know if I'll still write everyday. Everyday? Can I do that for longer than a year? I guess you can do anything you feel called to do. 

I really don't know what it'll look like after August 10th. I guess I have a lot of praying to do over the next 3 months. Maybe I'll write 3-4 times a week. Who knows? 

I guess we'll see.

I was just thinking about that tonight. 

287 days in.....3 months to go. 

.....day 287 of a year of writing.....

From the mouth of babes

A conversation between my son Luke {age 3} and myself earlier this evening.


Me: Luke what's in mommy's belly?

Luke (with a sweet dimple filled grin): A baby.

Me: What kind of baby?

Luke (with that same dimple filled grin): A big black one.

Me (holding back laughter): A big black baby?

Luke (still with that grin and this time with his hand on my belly): Yeah. A big black baby gurl. (aka girl)

Me: You think momma has a big black baby girl in her belly?

Luke: Yeah.


God is funny and can do anything, but that one would be a shocker all around. Ironically, I've always wanted a black baby. I just think they're so pretty, but I don't think that's going to happen.

I hope that made you smile and didn't offend you.

From the mouth of babes......

.....day 287 of a year of writing.....

All that matters is Why

I've basically been begging the Lord to speak a word to me over the last month or so regarding where on this beautiful Earth He would like us to live. And ya know what? He won't say anything!

You know this is a girl who likes a plan, and I left my house today in tears because Brian and I got in a disagreement over what was next. I was pretty sure we were set on building. I mean he spent the entire morning looking at floor plans. To me, that means we're building.

And then suddenly, he pulls me over to look at a house for sale that he just can't believe he hadn't seen yet in all of his searches.

Wait a minute.....I thought we were building.....not buying....what happened to that?

And before I know it, we are arguing over nothing.

I leave the house to head to the grocery store in tears. {I have very high suspicions that my overly emotional reaction to a small disagreement has to do solely with my pregnancy hormones....and you better believe I'm going to play that card as many times as necessary.}

And suddenly at a stop sign, with tears streaming down my face, I just cry out to the Lord,

"Would you just say something!" 

I was mad. I mean like angry mad.

For crying out loud, just say something....anything......

You see, I so desperately want to do whatever His will is for my life, that I beg Him to speak and to lead. And sometimes, He is simply silent. But I firmly believe that the Lord is just as intentional about what He doesn't say as He is about what He does say.

His silence, is our opportunity to act on that which He has called us to be filled with and that is faith and faith alone. In those times that He chooses not to answer back, not to offer any signs or signals, we must simply act out of faith by following His word and doing what we believe He would ask us to do.

And the more I thought about all this acting on faith business, the more I kept thinking about the house we almost bought in Piedmont just a month or so ago.

We sought Him over and over again about whether or not this was the house, and one night Brian had a dream about it.

He was in a room with nothing in it but what looked like a day calendar hanging lonely on the wall. You know the type that you rip off a page for each day... Some have inspirational sayings, or jokes on a square pad. Well, this one simply said "500 days".

While he was in this room, He was asking the Lord if we were supposed to move into this house. And oddly enough, the Lord didn't seem too concerned with whether or not we moved there or not because when Brian asked if we were supposed to buy this house by the lake, the only thing the Lord said was, "Will you sacrifice something for me?"

And Brian asked him if he needed to sacrifice something for this house, and the Lord said "No. You can move into that house. Its not for the house. Will you just sacrifice something for me?"

And Brian's answer was yes.

Then he watched the sheets of paper on the calendar flip and flip and flip, as if God was thumbing through them, until finally they were almost all gone. The He ripped off most of the calendars' pages, and the one left showing said "43 days". Brian asked, "I am going to have to sacrifice something in 43 days?" His answer was simply "Yes."

Oddly enough, Brian had that dream exactly 43 days ago. Today was the day of sacrifice.

Over the next few weeks, we would begin to understand what he would have to sacrifice and why. The Lord would ask Brian to stand up for something he knew was wrong and as a result, he would end up having to sacrifice his position at our church. Tonight was the last night our youth will meet until the beginning of the next school year. It was not something Brian "wanted," but we see the Lord's hand all over it.

After that, when we knew we would no longer be attending the church that we just bought a house to be closer to, the Lord provided a way out.

It never mattered to Him from the beginning what we did about that house. He knew He could fix it no matter what we decided. And I think He wanted us to see that. I think He wanted us to see the way He would work out all the details if we would simply do the things He called us to do.

What I've learned from all this and what kept running through my head tonight on a late night trip to wal-mart was that it doesn't matter where or when or with whom or how.....all that matters is why.

He wants me to know why I am His child, and why He placed me on this Earth at this moment in time.

Where that happens and with whom and how are all details that He can work out as long as I'm working towards fulfilling His will for my life.

The more I think about it, the more I know that He doesn't care where we live and who we do life with or how we go about our day, as long as we're seeking Him and doing exactly what He has called us to do.

When you know your why.......the small details don't really seem to matter anymore. The Lord can work any small detail of your life into good for the purposes of His kingdom. Maybe we really shouldn't stress over the small things. He can work the big and the small into good when we're living for Him.

.....day 286 of a year of writing.....

If we build it?

So now we're contemplating building. Building a house? Really? There are things I have said that I have no interest in, and building is one of them. I love the idea of it....picking things out and making it my own, but Brian and I are both so stubborn that I'm concerned we would definitely kill each other in the process.

But the more we look, the more we realize that with house prices what they are, we clearly see that in the right addition, we can buy a lot and build and have instant equity in a house, and that sounds pretty good to me.

Luckily we know a great builder. We have found an incredible housing addition. And maybe, just maybe, it's all beginning to fall into place. I guess we will see as only time will tell. Would you pray that we would clearly understand what the Lord has next for us? We would appreciate that so much.

.....day 284 of a year of writing.....