What Could Happen...

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I almost let fear slip in tonight.

It was there for a moment...fear of the worst.

We had a wonderful dinner with friends from church who are starting a Scentsy business, and the night was worry free...until I got in my car.....alone.

Brian drove from church and I drove from home. There I was, alone in my car, suddenly overcome by the fear of "what could happen."

I think we all do that. We fear the things that "might" or "could happen" to our loved ones. That kind of fear can be completely paralyzing.

Brian is leaving tomorrow for a two week hunting trip to Colorado, and suddenly I'm scared of the worst. Our minds conjure up the most bizarre and horrific events. What could happen to him, and what could happen to us. Can I take care of my kids?

The old fear begins to slowly creep back in.

Those fears used to stop me. They used to put me in a ball of worry and doubt anticipating the worst. And then I fell in love with Jesus whom I had always known about but never known.

My car became a worship set with my hands lifted in the air waiting for God's grace and peace to fall over me. (Don't worry, I kept one hand on the wheel and my eyes on the road.)

And from my mouth (out loud) came a prayer.

"Father, I thank You and praise You for the way You're going to use our family for the glory of Your kingdom. I know You are preparing us to do great things for You. Use us Lord to show others Your love and mercy, power and grace. Your almighty ways are not always understood by us, but Lord, I thank You for the peace that only You can bring. I thank You for the grace that You pour over us. I will not succumb to the fear and doubt the devil attempts to use to steal my joy and take me away from You. I praise You for the great things You will use our family for...."

And on it continued. A prayer of thanks for the things to come, for the things He is preparing for us to do. A prayer of faith.

And then peace and mercy fell like rain. I'm smiling typing this. I won't let the devil steal my joy. He did it for far too long, and it's why I drank wine every night. I was attempting to numb the fear. I had no idea that getting to know the One who died for me would give me more peace and freedom than I could ever wish for.

May freedom reign in you tonight.

.....day 55 of a year of writing....

1 comment:

  1. I too once suffered from panic attacks and anxiety don't get me wrong it creeps up now and then. I shared my journey w ladies at LBS you won't believe how many girls came up to me for being vocal! I too pray out loud in the car w fear strikes he gives me peace. Thanks for what u do ~love you sweet friend even if we haven't met yet;)


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