When I come here with nothing in particular to write, I guess that means you're going to get whatever is on my heart. We'll see what comes of this.....
Let's talk about pride. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm full of it.
When I watch my presentation from Saturday's Spring Sprint, I have to admit that I think it's pretty good....one of the better (if not best) I've ever presented on stage.
But, I have found myself taking all the credit for it. Thanking everyone who said it was great. Showing it to anyone who will watch it.
And today it hit me - what an idiot I am.
Here's the thing....I want people to see it. It has an incredible message. One that I believe in with everything I am. I know this business is one that has the power to bless. It seeps with opportunity.
But, I don't think that's why I was spreading it around. I wanted people to tell me how great I was. I wanted the credit for what I said.
What an idiot I am sometimes.
How does that happen? How do you get to a place where you want all the attention and credit for everything?
I love to be on stage. Really, I love it. But I don't doubt for a second that unless I can get off my power trip, the Lord will take away every possible opportunity for me to speak in the future.
I'm just kind of feeling like an idiot.
Why would I ever try to take credit for something I never did in the first place?
He gave me peace. He gave me the experiences. He gave me the words and the passion. Why on earth did I make it about myself?
I guess sometimes we all just want a little pat on the back. I was getting that, but apparently I just wanted a little more.
If I don't get over that desire to be acknowledged, He'll never take me where He's said He will.
After writing all that, I don't really want to post this. But I told you I would be honest and authentic.
There you have it. That's what's on my heart.
That's all you get tonight.
Signing off humbled, learning, and embarrassed tonight.....and learning a little more about me everyday......
.....day 171 of a year of writing.....
Ah, don't beat yourself up too much! You are human, and to want to hear accolades and praise is human....you are amazing for realizing that your intentions may not have been for the best reason. Many never realize that. You are amazing. I'm so glad you shared since I couldn't see it in person. It is inspiring to see you on stage. I am so happy I can share it w/ my own team. You have an amazing way of words that I just don't have. You have a gift. Gifts are meant to be shared.
ReplyDeleteAllison,
ReplyDeleteI just love you to death and your honesty and tranparency. That' s what makes you so real! It's ok to sometimes want a pat on the back. We are all human, and only Jesus is perfect. I totally get where you are coming from and sometimes wishing for a little glory-its the human nature in us.
I don't pay attention and dwell your flaws, I see all the great and wonderful things God is doing thru and in your life, that shines bright. Remember Jeremiah 29:11
I love you just the way you are!
Diana