Go Ahead, Hand Me My Fear on a Puke-Covered Platter

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

So, the Lord is definitely working on me. We have spent the last five days cleaning up puke in our house. Literally, every day for the past five days, there has been some form of throw up in our house.

Ironically, puke is the one thing that used to scare the heck out of me. Not the puke itself, but the idea of someone being sick used to scare me.

It all started with a rather traumatic experience when we brought Luke home from the hospital as a baby.
The day after we brought him home, Addison starting puking. It was her second birthday and the first time she had ever had a stomach virus.

She only wanted me, of course, but I was nursing Luke every 2 1/2 hours, and did not want to get a three day old baby sick.

Addy cried and cried for me. I would nurse Luke, change shirts, and go snuggle with her. And then change shirts again, wash up as best I could, and go nurse again.

I was hormonal, exhausted, and felt defeated.

Oh, and I forgot to mention how it started! The very first time I was ever left alone with both my children (Brian ran to the pharmacy or something), Addison woke up from her nap and started throwing up......that's slightly traumatic for a new momma.

Ever since then I've had a fear of my kids getting sick and me not being able to take care of them. I know that's silly and completely illogical, but it was real to me.

I would literally listen so very closely to the baby monitors while my kids were taking naps, because I was worried that one of them would start puking. I know, it's not logical.

Eventually I started drinking a glass of wine every night to calm my nerves. You can read more about that journey here.

Over the last three years, I have definitely become a different person. I have been saved by grace and captivated by my Savior. There is no doubt about that.

And since then, He has slowly begun to work on my fear. I have come to know that I can only find peace in Him, and my fear has begun to subside almost to the point of no existence.

And honestly after this week, I feel like I can take on anything.

It all started Friday night (the night before I was supposed to speak to 1,800 people at a Scentsy event) when my two year old puked in my bed. Brian was out of town, and thankfully my mom was here, and believe it or not, I survived.

Saturday night, in due fashion, Addison decided to puke in my bed, and she didn't stop puking until Monday morning at 10:00 a.m. Thankfully, my mom and Brian were both here. Good thing, since Addison puked all night and all day.

And then, just when I thought we were done with all the puke, Luke puked in the truck while we were on our way to gymnastics tonight. And it was the worst one yet. It was disgusting.

Addison immediately started crying and saying that she wanted out of the car, and I couldn't find a place to pull over fast enough.

I had to strip Luke down to his diaper and socks when we got to gymnastics, and then he had to ride home in Addy's car seat. (She stayed for gymnastics, he did not.) He does not like riding in a girlie car seat (just for the record).

I won't give you all the details of cleaning out a car seat full of puke, but I will tell you it was the nastiest thing I have ever done!

But strangely enough, after it's all said and done, I feel like I can take on any puke situation that comes my way.

I've learned through all this.

I've learned that I can do it, and that it's not that big of a deal. It's not fun by any means, but I feel like I've been given numerous throw up situations simply to prove to myself that I can overcome them.

It's almost like God took my worst fears, made them reality, and said, "And then what?"

There's always a next step. There is always a way to push through. Sometimes it has to be step by step.

Somebody pukes, "And then what?"

Well, I guess you clean it up, get lots of snuggles in, and grab a bowl and a towel in case it happens again.

Go ahead.....hand me my fear on a puke covered platter. I'm game. And I'm stronger now.

.....day 172 of a year of writing.....


  1. Kind of amazing, how He uses what scares us the most to give us peace... I hated every second of it, but once it was over, what a relief!

  2. Yay so happy for u!!!! I had a fear of driving every now and then but guess what??? I do it and yes w God's grace I'm doing better!!!!


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