At some point, we all break

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

It's been almost 2 weeks since I found out about my BRCA 1 and 2 mutation. (I'll be honest. I don't know if I should call it a mutation or a diagnosis or the "you don't have cancer yet, but you probably will someday" gene).

Whatever you want to call it, today was the day I broke. No reason. No warning. Just a breaking point. 

Brian kept telling me I didn't have to be strong all the time and that I didn't have to be brave for everyone else. 

And it wasn't that I was hiding anything or holding emotions back before today, they just weren't there. I didn't really feel anything.

And suddenly today, I felt everything at once. And I broke. 

I don't know why. But it happened. And I cried and cried and cried and promised Brian that I wouldn't complain about it all the time but that I wanted to complain today. 

I'm grateful for the knowledge. I truly am. But tonight, I don't want to make the decisions or be faced with the consequences of being BRCA 1 and 2 positive. 

That's just the honest truth. 

I guess I just wanted to say that everyone breaks. And we're not always as strong as we appear. And that's okay. 

And I'm okay. I don't want you to think I'm not. I just needed a moment to be honest and real. But from here on out, no more complaining or crying, just doing. Doing something for my family and my future that will matter. 

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