When I Don't Have Enough

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Today I messed up.

I let my fear of not getting it all done. My fear of the lack of time I have available, cause me to make a poor decision that I instantly regretted.

If you know me or you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I do my very best to be intentional with my time.

I have help with my kiddos 2 days a week and that's when I try to get all my "work" done so that when I'm home, I get to be momma and no one else.

I also have an assistant who works part time for me. Hiring an assistant was a decision we made a few years ago when I realized that I was working like I had a full time job when I had quit my job to be a stay at home momma. Things weren't aligning like I wanted them to, so we decided to hire some help.

Well, my assistant had a beautiful baby girl a few days ago which means I am once again doing her work plus the work I was doing.

Needless to say, I miss her and appreciate her after 2 days of doing all her work. And I found myself very overwhelmed this morning with my mounting to do list.

As I headed out the door to go sit in a quite coffee shop and sail through that to do list, a friend called. We had talked about setting up an appointment today to chat about balancing business and kids and working from home. When we originally talked about it, we never settled on a time for sure. I never wrote anything down, and it escaped my mind.

When she called, I knew that she needed to talk to me as a friend. I knew that our meeting was not going to be about balancing business and family but about much more.

I was working through my to do list in my head, trying to figure out if I could get it all done if we met. I wanted to be there for her as her friend, but I also wanted to make sure I was being responsible with my time.

I ended up telling her we could meet on Monday, and that it would be better because we wouldn't be rushed and I could give her my full attention.

As soon as we got off the phone, I started to feel bad, and then I started to rationalize it in my head. I told myself that I have to work when I have a babysitter so that I can get everything done, so that I can be there as a momma when I'm home. I want to be a good steward of my time.

I tried to talk myself out of feeling guilty.

As I pulled into Starbucks, ordered my coffee and sat down to work, I quickly forgot about the situation as I swiftly checked things off the list thanks to free wifi and a nice little caffeine kick.

I made my 12:30 appointment, and had a few minutes to spare before I needed to be home to resume my role as mommy. There were a few things that I didn't get to, so I pulled back into Starbucks and sat outside to work on my bible study homework.

My online group met tonight, and I was behind on my homework.

I opened my workbook to the story of a widow who helped Gideon even when she thought she didn't have the resources to do so.

The story is found in 1 Kings 17:8-16.

The Widow at Zarephath
8Then the Lord said to Elijah, 9“Go and live in the village of Zarephath, near the city of Sidon. I have instructed a widow there to feed you.
10So he went to Zarephath. As he arrived at the gates of the village, he saw a widow gathering sticks, and he asked her, “Would you please bring me a little water in a cup?” 11As she was going to get it, he called to her, “Bring me a bite of bread, too.”
12But she said, “I swear by the Lord your God that I don’t have a single piece of bread in the house. And I have only a handful of flour left in the jar and a little cooking oil in the bottom of the jug. I was just gathering a few sticks to cook this last meal, and then my son and I will die.”
13But Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid! Go ahead and do just what you’ve said, but make a little bread for me first. Then use what’s left to prepare a meal for yourself and your son.14For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: There will always be flour and olive oil left in your containers until the time when the Lord sends rain and the crops grow again!”
15So she did as Elijah said, and she and Elijah and her family continued to eat for many days. 16There was always enough flour and olive oil left in the containers, just as the Lord had promised through Elijah.

As I read this story today it was so very clear to me that the Lord had asked me to be a good friend today and trust that He would provide me with the time that I needed.

Often the Lord calls us to do things that don't seem reasonable or logical.

All I could think about was how little time I had today. I couldn't give what I didn't have.

But this story is a beautiful illustration of how the Lord can take what we feel is lacking and turn it into enough.

I believe that if I would have met with my friend today and been there like she needed me to, that He would have provided the time I needed to get it all done. Maybe not today, but eventually.

Tonight my prayer is that He would continue to change me. I want to have a heart more like His. I want to do the things He clearly calls me to. I know that the Lord can multiply my hours and effort when I am surrendered to His purposes.

I'm grateful for a simple lesson in a beautiful story. Praying for more quick obedience (even when it doesn't make sense) because when I'm not enough or don't have enough, God is enough and has enough, and He gives willingly to those who work according to the purpose of His will.

The bye, bye baby weight food journal for today is below.
{This is getting old quick! But I will say that I'm not snacking nearly as much as I usually do because I don't want to admit it to you.}

2 cups of coffee (with sugar in the raw and creamer)
{Yes, it is very clear that I need a new breakfast routine. Caffeine and sugar is not cutting it as a good start to the day.}

A lunch sized pizza (hand tossed and cheese) that I had half of (3 small pieces)
A lunch salad with olives, carrots, and ranch dressing (not too much)

Chips and Salsa
1 cup of decaf coffee (with sugar in the raw and creamer)

Margarita Chicken (with black beans and rice @Chili's). The menu states that it's 650 calories and I had half of it.

and 5 bites of the Chocolate Molton Cake.....so good!

It's 11:55, and I would like to tell you that I'm going to do some push ups or crunches or something of the sort to make up for the lack of activity I did today.

Maybe saying I was going to do some form of physical activity every day was a little ambitious.

I plan on running tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

Happy 4th of July Eve!

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