All That Matters Is Why

I've basically been begging the Lord to speak a word to me over the last month or so regarding where on this beautiful Earth He would like us to live. And ya know what? He won't say anything!

You know this is a girl who likes a plan, and I left my house today in tears because Brian and I got in a disagreement over what was next. I was pretty sure we were set on building. I mean he spent the entire morning looking at floor plans. To me, that means we're building.

And then suddenly, he pulls me over to look at a house for sale that he just can't believe he hadn't seen yet in all of his searches.

Wait a minute.....I thought we were building.....not buying....what happened to that?

And before I know it, we are arguing over nothing.

I leave the house to head to the grocery store in tears. {I have very high suspicious that my overly emotional reaction to a small disagreement has to do solely with my pregnancy hormones....and you better believe I'm going to play that card as many times as necessary.}

And suddenly at a stop sign, with tears streaming down my face, I just cry out to the Lord,

"Would You just say something!" 

I was mad. I mean like angry mad.

For crying out loud, just say something....anything......

You see, I so desperately want to do whatever His will is for my life, that I beg Him to speak and to lead. And sometimes, He is simply silent. But I firmly believe that the Lord is just as intentional about what He doesn't say as He is about what He does say.

His silence, is our opportunity to act on that which He has called us to be filled with and that is faith and faith alone. In those times that He chooses not to answer back, not to offer any signs or signals, we must simply act out of faith by following His word and doing what we believe He would ask us to do.

And the more I thought about all this acting on faith business, the more I kept thinking about the house we almost bought in Piedmont just a month or so ago.

We sought Him over and over again about whether or not this was the house, and one night Brian had a dream about it.

He was in a room with nothing in it but what looked like a day calendar hanging lonely on the wall. You know the type that you rip off a page for each day... Some have inspirational sayings, or jokes on a square pad. Well, this one simply said "500 days."

While he was in this room, He was asking the Lord if we were supposed to move into this house. And oddly enough, the Lord didn't seem too concerned with whether or not we moved there or not because when Brian asked if we were supposed to buy this house by the lake, the only thing the Lord said was, "Will you sacrifice something for me?"

And Brian asked him if he needed to sacrifice something for this house, and the Lord said, "No. You can move into that house. It's not for the house. Will you just sacrifice something for Me?"

And Brian's answer was, "Yes."

Then he watched the sheets of paper on the calendar flip and flip and flip, as if God was thumbing through them, until finally they were almost all gone. The He ripped off most of the calendars' pages, and the one left showing said "43 days." Brian asked, "I am going to have to sacrifice something in 43 days?" His answer was simply "Yes."

Oddly enough, Brian had that dream exactly 43 days ago. Today was the day of sacrifice.

Over the next few weeks, we would begin to understand what he would have to sacrifice and why. The Lord would ask Brian to stand up for something he knew was wrong and as a result, he would end up having to sacrifice his position at our church. Tonight was the last night our youth will meet until the beginning of the next school year. It was not something Brian "wanted," but we see the Lord's hand all over it.

After that, when we knew we would no longer be attending the church that we just bought a house to be closer to, the Lord provided a way out.

It never mattered to Him from the beginning what we did about that house. He knew He could fix it no matter what we decided. And I think He wanted us to see that. I think He wanted us to see the way He would work out all the details if we would simply do the things He called us to do.

What I've learned from all this and what kept running through my head tonight on a late night trip to Wal-mart was that it doesn't matter where or when or with whom or how.....all that matters is why.

He wants me to know why I am His child, and why He placed me on this Earth at this moment in time.

Where that happens and with whom and how are all details that He can work out as long as I'm working towards fulfilling His will for my life.

The more I think about it, the more I know that He doesn't care where we live and who we do life with or how we go about our day, as long as we're seeking Him and doing exactly what He has called us to do.

When you know your why.......the small details don't really seem to matter anymore. The Lord can work any small detail of your life into good for the purposes of His kingdom. Maybe we really shouldn't stress over the small things. He can work the big and the small into good when we're living for Him.

.....day 286 of a year of writing.....