His Peace and His Pain

Their costumes are glittery, puffy, and as girly as girly gets. It's like being in a different world for just a moment. The stage, the lights, the magic, it all takes you away. Oh how I love The Nutcracker!

My favorite part is when the Sugar Plum Fairy takes center stage. The music, the costume, the grace of her movement, the strength of her partner. It all looks easy.

But ballet is anything but easy. The Sugar Plum Fairy is the starring role in the Nutcracker. This honor goes to the dancer with the most discipline (not necessarily the dancer with the most talent). God gives us all talent, but talent unused or unrefined may never amount to anything.

It's discipline, hard work, and talent combined that will win you the starring role in The Nutcracker.

Last weekend I took my sweet little girl and my momma to see The Nutcracker.

I'm a huge ballet fan. Having grown up in a dance studio, my heart beats fast as the curtain goes up and the girls on stage get lost in the music.

It's magical to me. And Addison loved every minute of it. It was a day of peace after a weekend rocked in worry and prayer.

My heart and mind have been wrapped up in Lucy Belle. She is a sweet angel who is battling a severe case of NKH. She has been in the hospital while the doctors attempt to get control over her seizures.

My heart has been wrapped up in her circumstance.

The Nutcracker turned into much needed time of stepping back from reality and looking at the beauty that life has to offer.

The girls on stage were so graceful. So beautiful. It was like sitting in peace (if that's even possible).

I couldn't help but wonder why Lucy will never have that opportunity. She'll never be able to dance on the stage like that (not until she's healed completely anyway). I watched Addison through the entire performance wondering why I got a little girl who would have a chance to stand on that stage one day if she decides that's what she wants to work towards. And then in almost that same moment, she looked at me and said,

Mommy, I want to do that. I want to dance on the stage.

And my heart sank and leapt in the same moment. Oh, the joy I have that she desires to dance on the stage, but it hurts to think that not every little girl can.

Lucy's sister Ellie Kate is really the one who made me start questioning God about all these things in the first place. Why would you make a baby girl without making her perfect? You can. She was no mistake. But why? Why would you do that?

Those questions and so many more pounded in my head over and over and over again.

And I learned through seeking God about Ellie Kate's life that there is more to Him then we will ever understand. He has a perfect plan that will one day make sense to us. (Even though parts of it seem crazy now.)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

He never promised to be fair, but He promised to be just. And all that really matters to Him is His Kingdom, where all will be perfect and complete.


Whatever He has to do to bring people to know Him is part of His plan. And while that doesn't make life easy or pain free, it makes it full of peace. Not peace that the world knows, but peace that can only come from knowing Him and loving Him.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3 

May you rest in His peace today, and may His pain draw you nearer and nearer to Him.

.....day 124 of a year of writing.....