Because We Can't Do It On Our Own

So, just in case you were starting to believe that I have it all together, let me tell you a little story called "yesterday" so we can clear the air about any of us having it all together or thinking we do this thing called life on our own.

Yesterday, if you were to ask me how things were going, I would probably tell you that I was desperately searching for a plane ticket to Mexico so I could sit on the beach and say the words, "uno mas cerveza por favor." It was just that kind of day.

By 6:00 p.m., I was ready to throw in the towel. Seriously. Wednesdays are always hard for me since Brian is gone all day until late in the night. So, by bath time, I was past my tolerance level for all things toddler.

It's hard enough having two of my own, but throw in someone else's toddlers, and there are many days that are nothing short of hard, exhausting, and overwhelming.

During our pre-service training for becoming foster parents, they told us this story of a woman sitting on a bench outside of Wal-mart telling her caseworker over the phone to "Come get these kids now! I'm not leaving this bench until someone comes and picks them up!"

And we laughed when we heard that, but sadly, it's a true story.

I will admit that I have had those moments. They have been few and far between, but there have definitely been times when I have doubted if I was cut out for this.

The truth is, I'm not cut out for it. Not on my own. Not even close. On my own I'm angry, self-centered, short-tempered, irritable, selfish, annoyed, and exhausted.

Thank God I'm not doing this on my own.

It's days like yesterday that bring me to my knees before the Lord to say, I need You now more than ever! I need You, and I need You in a real way. I need the things You say I have through Christ, like love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

There are too many days when I don't see those things in me.

Last night when everyone was in the bath, and I was obviously frustrated, Addison, my four year old said to me, "Mommy, it's okay. When the babies' momma is better and not sick anymore, and they go home, it will just be me and Luke and it will be easier."

From the mouth of babes like a knife of truth to the heart. How do they always speak the truth? It's absolutely true. Life will be easier, but I wish there were more days when I lived with joy and peace in the midst of the trial. I know that He allows me to be broken so I will seek Him, and I'm so grateful that He does. I'm so grateful that the Lord never allows me to think for too long that "I've got this."

I don't. I don't have this. I never will....not without Him anyway.

So another day of time tracking begins and I'm cursing myself for thinking we should do this for seven whole days, but I'm also still learning things about the way I spend my time even as we go into day five of time tracking.

I hope you're still being challenged. I hope you are still going strong with the one thing you added to your schedule for the entire week and the one thing you decided to give up (a time waster). I'm finding it harder than it should be to stay off of the newsfeed on Facebook, but I'm doing it, and I feel good about how I am spending my work days.

Also, did you pre-order your Much Ado About You planner? You still have time to help save my favorite handmade business! Click here to pre-order now!

I'm not adding anything or taking anything away from your schedule today. No huge challenge. I am hoping that you'll continue in our search for intentional time until Sunday when we'll throw ourselves a little party for knowing what we're doing with our time.

Until then, all you need to do to stay in the race for our week long challenge is comment below about how you're feeling about giving up your time wasting activity. Has it been hard? Do you miss it? Are you getting more done with your time because you've given up your time waster? Just tell us how you're doing with that transition.

Can't wait to check-in tomorrow!

.....day 202 of a year of writing.....