You know how anytime you try to do something that you know God has called you to do, the devil does his very best to get in the way?
Well, he is getting in my way in the form of doubt right about now.
We are in the beginning stages of preparing to be foster parents (with the intent to eventually adopt). But it's sort of scary.
And maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, but I still hear that voice in my head saying, "Wouldn't it just be easier to have another baby?" And besides the being pregnant for nine months part, YES! It would be easier.
I wouldn't have to explain nearly as much (except with the third child it seems you always have to explain why you're having another baby. So many people don't understand anything past two, but whatever).
I wouldn't have to go to 27 hours of training. I wouldn't have to worry about the child that gets brought into our home and then taken away one day.
It just seems like getting knocked up would be easier. (Excuse my verbage, I'm just frustrated I think.)
Plus, when we told our certification specialist that we wanted children younger than Luke (so less than two years old) she acted like we just ask her to hang the moon.
I feel like I shouldn't feel bad about that! I mean, we already have a pretty strong birth order in place. I don't want to mess with that.
Plus adding a three year old or a six year old in the mix is completely unnatural.
But what do I know? I guess these are just the ramblings of a scared and nervous mamma. I want what is best for my kids first. But, I also know that God has called us to care for His children.
I take it as an honor to love babies who need the love and comfort of a home (even if it's just temporary). Maybe I just need one in my arms to affirm all of this for sure.
We've still got a ways to go. Until then, I'll stay in His Word. And keep the devil as far away from me as I can.
Just some evening doubt I thought I'd share.
.....day 18 of a year of writing.....
If anyone deserves another baby it is you. Tell the devil to take a big ole hike.
ReplyDeleteI think it's only natural to question and wonder if what you are doing is the right thing - but if God has spoken to your heart then continue to trust in that. Sometimes it's in our questions that we recieve the best answers and you know that all of your bases are covered and you are prepared. My heart just aches thinking of all of the precious children who need the arms of a loving mom and dad to hold them and guide them - and to especially teach them about Jesus. God has such a plan in this for you and your family. Trust and know that even though these big decisions are never easy, know that there is a child right now who desperatly needs you. Who needs someone who will press past the training, the inspections and all the hoops and jumps you need to take in order to find peace, safety and comfort in a family that will truly love him or her. I have a dear friend who could not have children and she and her husband are foster parents. They've had one baby who they were so close to adopting being taken from them and now they have two young brothers. I love seeing her updates on facebook about them. She's a pastor's wife and it's so awesome to hear about how "Big" and "Little" are learning about Jesus. I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall :) but if you would ever like to talk to a young Christian woman who is fostering - I'll pass on my friends email. She's sweet as pie and can maybe just give you some encouragement as she's definalty been walking in your shoes before. I'll be praying for you girl!!
ReplyDeleteAnd so ends the longest comment in the world. :)