I know I haven't been writing a lot lately.
Here's the deal. I'm usually a very positive and uplifting person. I can see the good in most situations and for the most part, I believe in people.
But lately I have felt worn. Incredibly worn.
The lyrics from the Tenth Avenue North song titled Worn are exactly how I've felt lately.
If you've never heard it, listen to it now.
But I'm not surprised that I feel this way. I believe that there is more to this world than what we can see. I believe that there always has been and always will be a spiritual battle to be fought, and we are often in the midst of that battle.
When life is easy and comfortable, the devil usually leaves you alone. Why would he bother with mediocre. He's after people willing to charge the darkness in the name of Christ.
Doing hard things. Doing things you feel called to. Stepping out in faith to walk outside your comfort zone.....those are the things that tick the devil off.
And that's where those feelings of heaviness come from. The little daily attacks on my mind, body, spirit, and household, I'm over them.
I am changing though.
Once again, the Lord is using a circumstance like foster care to make me different and new. And change is hard, but ridding myself of selfish desires, that's good. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting closer.
This heaviness....this feeling of being worn, even before the day begins is a gift. It reminds me that we were not made for this world. This is not where we end up.
The lack of comfort I feel in my day-to-day life makes me yearn for heaven, and that is the greatest gift of all. I know I'm not done here, but to understand that this is not our resting place is a gift, and for that I am grateful.