A Hard Week

I know that I've been quiet lately....both here and on social media, and it's mostly because, we've had a rough week. 

Last week was just hard. There aren't any other words to describe it. 

We thought Baby A was being moved to a new placement with a new foster family that was willing to take both him and his brother. It ended up not working out. 

I'm not sure if I'm glad that I was silent thru it all or if I wish I written thru it. I'll probably wish I had written about it later, but I didn't. 

There are details and issues that probably don't need to be discussed here. There were things that happened with this potential new placement that simply made me angry. Righteously angry. 

We met the new foster mom last week. She was great. She'll be a great foster mom. And here's the thing, I agree that our boys need to be together (if and only if, the situation is better than the one they're currently in). If we're going to break bonds that have been made, it better be for the absolute best case scenario. 

And this new foster family was not that scenario. Not because there was anything wrong, but because I could see it all over her face......she was going to be overwhelmed with these boys and her child. I would have been. And that's the last thing we want. We do not want families taking children because they feel forced or backed into a corner, and that's sort of what happened. She felt like her hand was forced, so she said she'd take them. 

But that's how we lose foster families. That's how we get failed placements. 

To say that it was a hard week is really an understatement. 

I've questioned so many things this week. I've thrown my nose into God's word because I don't know the answers to all this mess. 

But last night, we had the opportunity to hear Bob Goff speak at the Angels Foster Family Network annual auction and dinner. He was amazing. There are really no words to describe him. 

He talked about Jesus and loving the way Christ loved. Actively loving. 

And then he said this: "If you love that extravagantly, Jesus will carry you." 

And I cried. Right there at the table with the fancy dessert and that stupid satin napkin that wouldn't stay on my lap. Tears fell from my eyes because I couldn't keep them in. 

He's right. All I can do is love. All I can do is love him like he's mine. All I can do is love his momma like she's family. 

Yes, that means hurt will come. Yes, that means this road will be long and rocky, but it also means that I'll never be the same, and if it all crumbles one day....whether it turns out best case scenario or worst, Christ will catch us. All of us. Because we chose to love.