I have to admit. I over thought what I should wear to meet Baby A's bio mom.
Should I go with my daily uniform of skinny jeans, a v-neck tee, and flats or should I go more casual? (yes, the before mentioned is dressing up for me....don't judge me, I work from home. I can wear what I want.)
I seriously thought about these things.
I went with workout clothes because I really did have every intent to go run, but it didn't actually happen. (Don't judge me again.)
I wonder if she thought about what she should wear, about what she should say, about how she should react. Did she consider those things?
Was she as nervous to meet us as I was to meet her?
My heart raced as I carried this tiny baby that I have come to love across a rainy parking lot into a DHS building. As I made my way thru the metal detector, I couldn't help but wonder if she was on the other side of the glass in the waiting area. Was she here? Would she show?
I hoped she would. Please be here. What will I think if you don't show?
We made our way thru security with Baby A still sleeping peacefully in his carrier, and as I got my wits about me, I saw the worker come around the corner with mom right behind her.
Hi. It's great to finally meet you. My name is Allison. He is so wonderful.
We shook hands, and my heart stopped racing as quickly as it had started.
She is just a person. Just a person with no resources, no support, and no one to help when she needed it most. Any of us could have been her. I can't judge her. I can't be mad at her. I can't even blame her.
What I can do is commit to loving her the way I love her baby.
At the end of the day it's not DHS's job to make sure these families get back together. It's the job of the church.
I could care less about DHS's policies and regulations and "plans" (although I will follow them), what I care about is giving this young momma hope and the resources she needs to get back on her feet. She needs people in her life who will love her not because of her past but because of her future.
That future is unwritten at the moment, and yes, she will have to do the work necessary to get her babies back, but we signed up to help re-write stories. That's what foster care is really about.
It's about breaking the chains of generational poverty and generational abuse and generational drug use. It's about providing resources and hope to people who have none. It's about charging the darkness in pursuit of life change.
I promise I'm not overly optimistic. I made that mistake last time. I thought I could help our bio momma change. In reality, I was the one who needed changing.
I'm not that naive now. I know that only she and Christ can make that change. But I can support her. I can believe in her. I can give her hope in a situation that may seem hopeless.
I can pray for her, with her, over her, and I can love her baby while she can't.
That's what I'm called to do, and that's exactly what we'll do.
I know that Christ can make beautiful things from dust. And I expect nothing less. Lord, give us something beautiful out of this dust.