The least of these

Monday, March 4, 2013

Lately I have had this "I can do so much more" itch.

Not in terms of doing busy things throughout the day, but doing things to make a difference. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing much right now.

I think you could easily call me a dreamer. In my good moments, I have these lofty thoughts about doing these great things to change the world. I think it's that childlike view of being able to fix things.

Couldn't we just fix things by loving more, hating less, letting the Lord truly lead us.

But as adults, we know that it's not as easy as it sounds or looks. So when I have these feelings....when I get the itch to do something great, I have to write it down. Express it. Remember it.

I love my work. Seriously love it. I love the relationships I have built, the lives that I have helped to change. I love all those things. But I also look at my work as a tool to do great things. Greater things than what we're doing.

Our business has given us resources and time and courage, and it has made us better people. No doubt about it.

And I want to use those resources and time and that bravery that I have to do great things. Don't get me wrong. I know full well that being a mom and loving my children well and raising them to be followers of Christ is enough and more than enough. But I just feel like I can do more.

I think I often get in this slump because I know there is more that I can do, but I'm often not willing to sacrifice the time or energy to do it.

I know that I can do more and be more. It will just require more discipline on my part.

I love discipline, routine, a plan. I thrive in it.

I realize that I'm just rambling. And I'm perfectly fine with that. If rambling is what gets me writing again, then so be it.

All this thought of great things was jump started by our foster babies new foster momma texting me about some of the things they are walking through right now.

The day those babies showed up on my front porch truly changed my life. It made me a different person. And many of you walked through so much of our daily struggles of having 4 children under the age of 5 by following along here.

I was challenged, frustrated, in love and scared all in a second. And there is a huge part of me that wants to walk it all again.

I am beyond frustrated at the foster care system at this moment knowing what our babies are going through. The system makes me crazy. I don't understand it.

But I will never in a million years forgot their faces when I opened the door the first time. And I will forever be changed by them.

As Brian and I listened to this song over and over again tonight, he said to me, "Does this make you want to foster again?" And my answer was immediate..."Yes. I have no doubt that I want to again. No doubt."

I don't know when. But maybe soon.

I know that we all walk busy, busy lives. But I have to could you be greater? Yes, it would take sacrifice. And yes, it would be uncomfortable and maybe even painful, but as a follower of Christ, I know that the Lord never promised me it would be easy. But He did promise me that He would never leave me nor forsake me.

After all, Life is either a great adventure or nothing at all.

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