I am always the strong one, the encourager, the "you can do it" proclaimer, and honestly, today I just need to be encouraged.
Nothing has even happened yet. There is talk and possibility, but nothing for sure.
Here's what's happened in the past 48 hours that is making me absolutely crazy.
If you're new to the blog, you should first know that we are in the process of becoming foster parents.
Here's the story.
At church on Sunday, I found out that some friends of ours took in a foster baby on Saturday. They too were in the process of becoming foster parents, but they weren't done yet.
The baby came to them through a kinship which is where you have ties to the family somehow, so they were able to take him in before being completely finished with the process.
But the prospect of possibly having this baby for the long haul, possibly forever, was more than she was ready for.
Monday night they called us to see if we would be willing to take him in. Of course we said yes.
I immediately emailed my certification specialist to see what the progress of our application was and briefly told her about the situation with this baby. She informed me that we weren't done yet since our fingerprints hadn't come back yet, and no one had read our home study (even though she's had if for 2+ weeks). That's another story altogether. Ahhhh the frustration!
Then she told me that we wouldn't be able to get this baby since he is in one county and we're in another (which I know is not completely true),
There is a good chance that parental rights will be terminated based on what I know about the charges that were placed on the birth mother. (Which really doesn't matter to us either way.)
Nothing has really happened and yet I feel so incredibly attached and involved at this point.
The unknown and the fact that I have absolutely no control over the situation is about to make me crazy.
Here is what else I know.
I know that we have been called to do this. We have been called to care for a baby who needs love whether it be for a short amount of time or forever.
I know that God has great plans for this baby and his future and for our future as foster or adoptive parents.
I know that.
And I find myself wanting so badly to make the situation work the way I want it to work.
If He wants us to have this baby, He will make it happen, regardless of counties and case workers, and legal crap. If God has planned for this baby to be in our lives, it will happen. I know that.
And if this baby is not in the plans, I know He wanted me to walk through this scenario - the possibility of a real baby in our home. He wanted me to feel attached when I haven't even held him in my arms. He wanted me to feel concerned and wrapped up in all of it.
If this baby is not supposed to come to us, I know God wanted us to walk through this possibility.
He wants me to be patient. He wants me to trust in Him and Him alone.
So until further notice, that's what I'll do. Trust in the plans He has laid out for me knowing that His ways are good. I knew this would be hard, but that won't stop us.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.
1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries to Him because He cares about you.
....day 109 of a year of writing.....