My kids think I pooped in my panties, and I hardly ever know what I'm doing. It's been a rough day, folks. 

I wish those were exaggerations or lies, but both statements are very, very true. 

My children do very much believe that I pooped in my panties a little today. My daughter found a pair of panties soaking in one of the sinks in my bathroom. She was horrified and wanted to know what on earth was in my panties. My son, of course, knew exactly what it was....has to be poop. What else could it be? 

I really hope you're laughing and not completely grossed out, but this is life people. Sometimes you need to soak your panties, and sometimes your above mentioned children conclude that the reason you are soaking your panties is because you pooped a little. {For the record, I didn't poop.} 

"Mom, did you think it was just a toot?" questions the 5 year old. 

"Yes, baby. I thought it was just a toot." 

Things are not always what they appear. Very rarely are things the way they appear actually. The more years I spend on this crazy planet, the more I understand that. 

I really hardly ever know what I'm doing. I mean, does any parent really have any clue how to do this successfully? And not even in parenting or foster care, I very rarely ever know what I'm doing in business or life either. 

Really. Hardly ever am I sure that I'm doing the right thing. 

I've observed that many successful women operate in the same belief. They don't know what they're doing....they mostly just fake it until they make it. That phrase is popular because it's real. 

I was talking to a girl who I would absolutely love to have on my Scentsy team today. She reminds me of myself. 100%. She doesn't want to misstep. She wants to do it right if she decides to do it, but she has everything it takes to be a successful business owner. I was telling her that I really had no idea what I was doing when I started as a Scentsy consultant. I just always acted like I knew exactly what  I was doing. 

To be successful, you don't have to have all the answers, you just have to be willing to find them when they arise. It's really pretty simple. 

If we always waited to do things until we thought we were equipped or ready or fully qualified, we would never accomplish anything. I think that's why so many people sit back and wait for things to happen to them. Maybe when they lose 10 lbs or when they have more time or when they feel better about their circumstances....maybe then. 

What about now?

I fail everyday in so many areas of my life. I have no idea how to parent 3 kids and a foster baby. I have no clue how to be the best wife for my man. I don't know how to inspire other people or lead them to success. I really don't. But I do it all. Every day. Somehow, all those things happen. 

We can't just sit around waiting for things to be perfect. 

Perfection doesn't exist. 

Maybe today is the day. Maybe today is the day that you hit the gym for the 1st time in months or maybe today is the day you start a new business. Maybe today is the day you love your spouse the way he deserves to be loved. Why can't today be the day? 

You're never going to figure it out. I'm never going to figure it out, but that isn't stopping me. Get up and do it anyways. 

Whatever it is. You don't have to know what you're doing. I hardly ever know what I'm doing. But that doesn't stop me from charging the darkness or doing things that I think are bigger than me. Fake it until you become it. You can. 

And even if you have a day when your kids think you pooped in your panties, pretend you did (even if you didn't) because maybe that's easier than explaining the truth to a 5 and 7 year old.  

The most honest my story has ever been.....

It is so easy to become jaded.....to question and doubt all that you are and all that you do. 

The voices in our heads tell us that we're not enough and that we don't deserve what we have. And eventually, we start to believe them. 

We step back and we question and we wonder if what we're doing is the right thing. 

Six years ago, I was teaching 8th grade English. Brian was selling high line cars, and Addison was 9 months old and learning how to walk. 

And more than anything, I wanted to be home with her. I loved my job, but I loved her more. The reality was that we were in credit card debt up to our eyeballs and there was no way I could quit my job...unless I was willing to cut out cable and cell phones and groceries and heat and a/c. We live in the south. There was no way I was cutting out heat and a/c. 

Quitting my job wasn't in the cards. 

However, I don't like it when I don't like the options at hand, so I sought out other options, and by sought out other options, I mean I prayed like crazy that we would win the lottery (that we didn't play) or I would find $20,000 on the sidewalk. 

Neither of those things happened. 

But what did happen was something I never expected. Through a series of events involving about 80 tiny lip gloss like containers filled with deliciously scented wax, a Scentsy catalog, a little research on the internet, and $99, I signed up to be a direct sales consultant. 

If we were friends 6 years ago when this happened, you laughed when I told you what I was doing, but I didn't care. 

I knew absolutely nothing about sales, let alone direct sales, but I didn't care. 

I was scared to death that I could never sell a thing to anyone, but I didn't care. 

All I cared about was her.

She changed me. She made me so much more than I ever could have been on my own. 

And somehow, despite my complete lack of knowledge about all things direct sales, I did okay. And I somehow convinced other people that they should do it with me. It would be fun. 

And it was fun. 

And 3 days before my 1 year anniversary as a Scentsy consultant, I promoted to the highest rank possible. I cried in my living room on Halloween. I was the company's 23rd SuperStar director (along with about 30 other people who promoted the same day that I did), but we'll call it 23. 

And life went on. Baby #2 came along not long after that. I spoke to a crowd of 800 people at a Scentsy event 3 days before he was born. 

And business was good and momentum was good and life was good. 

Then I battled fear for a long time. It's a lengthy story that I'm sure is somewhere on this blog. {Best of luck finding that post.} 

But I worked and I worked hard, and I knew why I was working. For them. We wanted more. We still weren't out of debt.  Brian was still working long hours at the car lot, and life still wasn't what we wanted it to be. 

So I worked. I sold product and people joined my team and our company grew. 

And before I knew it, Brian quit his job. We started making more money than we had ever dreamed of making, and our marriage was as unhappy as it had ever been. I couldn't help but wonder what we had gotten ourselves into. It turns out that money really doesn't buy happiness.  

But the Lord is so gracious and so patient. We moved to house #2. We started to like each other again, and all was well in the Dalke house. 

Then one day, we felt the Lord calling us into foster care. So we went. In the process, we couldn't get a foster baby fast enough. The day we were finally approved as foster parents, we received a call that there were 2 babies. A 1 year old and an almost 2 year old. Siblings that had been living in the shelter for 7 days. And could we take them? 

We did. And they wrecked my world in the best way 2 small people can wreck someone's world. They changed everything for us. 

And our business kept on keeping on. 

And those babies made me want a baby of my own. And before they moved out, I was pregnant with baby #3. 

Then we almost moved to California. We really tried to. We tried to buy 3 houses, and it just didn't work out. 

And instead we had a baby on Halloween 5 years after that day I cried in my living room. This Halloween, I cried in my hospital bed because I knew we couldn't move to California even though we had already sold our house and we had to be out in a little less than a month and a half. 

As we drove baby #3 home from the hospital, Brian and I talked about California and about Oklahoma and about where we wanted these babies to grow up. And we both knew that it was here. 

So with a newborn in hand, we frantically began looking for house #3. It would literally have to be a miracle. I was not settling for anything less than the space we were looking for (I swear this is the last move we're making!), and we had no where near the time we realistically needed to close. 

But we looked. And we found the house we had been looking for all along. A house we never could have bought, on a lot that we never could have afforded. The perfect spot, with the perfect space, and now we just had to make it happen in the perfect time. 

It ended up all working out by the grace of God alone, so we moved and we began to settle in. 

Before we knew it, that little girl that I worked so hard to stay home with was going to 1st grade. Off she went. 

But she wasn't happy, and we weren't happy. The little girl who had always loved school was bored and annoyed by the thought of 1st grade. Not exactly what a momma wants to hear. After a lot of prayer, we took her out of public school and started homeschooling. Brian teaching 2 days a week, myself teaching 3 days a week. 

And that's where we found ourselves last year. Adjusting to life in a new house with 3 littles while homeschooling. 

I suddenly felt trapped. This incredible "job" I had, had afforded all of this and so much more. I was grateful for sure. But there were moments where I felt trapped. I felt like I was stuck and I couldn't get out if I wanted to. 

We depended on the money. It was our lively hood. Even if I wanted to just be a stay at home mom, I couldn't. Not now. We were too far in. 

So, last year, I coasted. I did everything I was supposed to do. I did more than I was supposed to do, but if I'm honest, there was something missing. 

The passion, the fire, the drive, the inspiration, it was gone. I didn't know where it was and I didn't know how to get it back. 

I tell you this story to tell you that last year isn't the end of the story. It's not the end of my story with Scentsy or direct sales. It's really only the beginning of my story. 

When I recently walked away from social media, I asked myself a lot of hard questions. I was able to think clearly for the 1st time in a long time. I knew what I thought. I wasn't confused by what everyone else thought. 

And somewhere between turning off all the voices of negativing in my head (thanks social media) and sitting on a beach watching the waves roll in, I was reminded of why I love my job. 

I honestly don't know why I forgot. 

Because this is my story, but at the same time, it's only one of thousands of stories. Direct sales is a business that creates personal change in people. I have seen so many people in my circle of friends and family who have been remarkably changed by their experience with the Scentsy family. They are better people. More generous people. More well rounded. More real. 

And in the past few weeks I have been so beautifully reminded that I get to be a part of that change in people. I get to sit across from them at coffee or at lunch or over the computer and hear about the way their business fits into their life. I get to hear about why they're working and what they want. And I get to be a part of the change that happens in people when they decided to ignore the voices of fear and doubt in their minds and do something bigger with their lives than they ever thought they could do. 

I guess this is my apology. 

I was never negative. I was never negligent. I was never absent. I was just uninspired. I forgot for a moment why it is that I work. And it's not complicated, and there is no mega dream board or 12 month goal plan. It's simply them. 

And him. 

and us. 

 This place and these people and this life is the reason I am a Scentsy Family consultant. They are the reason that I will continue to choose to run my business with passion and purpose this year. 

And whether you're a customer or a consultant or a friend or a fellow blog lover or an IG follower, my hope for you in 2014 is that you too will work with purpose and passion. 

Here's to 2014.....May it be your best year yet. 

Grandma's 80th birthday, wrestling matches, and matching t-shirts.

I didn't write yesterday. There are few things worth taking a night off for, but family is definitely one of them. 

Last night we drove to Hobart, Oklahoma to celebrate Grandma Dalke's 80th birthday....well, maybe I should back up. Before we did that, I spent a few good hours at Addison's school helping set up for a Grandparent's Day Tea. 

It was a lot of hard work, but we had so many moms who helped out, and the event was a success. There was a second when I thought we were going to run out of cookies (we had 300 of them), but we made it. 

The kids performed, "If you'd Like to Swing on a Star," and got to show their grandparents' their classrooms. There were a lot of people there, but it was a fun afternoon. 

As soon as we cleaned up at school, we headed to Hobart. We knew we were going to miss Grandma's surprise party, so we planned to meet everyone at the stadium for my father in law's first football game as the head coach of the Hobart bearcats. (and no, I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a bear cat. I don't even know if it's one word or 2.) 

We left Wyatt at home with my mom since his bed time is 6:30. He would not have been much fun at a high school football game. 

We all had birthday bash shirts to wear at the game.

And front row seats. The kids loved watching their Papa Bill out on the field. 

I know this picture is blurry, but I love it. Someone is always holding Grandma's hand. She falls easily, so we take turns.

 I love these boys. Dalke brothers.

There may have been a little wrestling match on the field after the game. And yes, that's my husband. I know...he's so mature. He'll always be a wrestler. 

 At the end of the night....this is what matters. The whole family, standing on Phil Dalke Field for a family photo. I must say, I'm proud to be a Dalke.