Chasing Peace

I've lived in this city for over 20 years now. It's where I met my husband, where I birthed my children, and where I fell in love with the Lord.

It's where I've met great friends, and where I met myself. It's where I overcame my fear, got my first real job, and where I grew a business that changed our lives.

We've lived in this house for almost 4 years now. And oh, if these walls could talk.

Inside the walls of this house we have learned that money doesn't make you happy but love does. We've learned how to work together and how to work apart. We've learned what it's like to serve because we felt led to. We've learned that we're not always right.

We've learned that living for the Lord doesn't always make sense to the world (or to us for that matter). We've learned that babies sometimes come.....and then go.

We've known love, pain, fear, chaos, and peace within these walls.

And next week, we'll hand the keys to someone else and move on.

I thought I knew exactly what this would look like.

I thought I had it all figured out.

And on October 31st, everything changed.

With Brian asleep on the hospital couch and a new baby boy asleep in my arms, I found that no matter what I did, sleep wouldn't come.

I kept asking myself and the Lord, what on earth we were doing. Why now? Why California? Why now?

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

What seemed like a solid plan only hours before suddenly seemed like the worst idea we'd ever had.

And 2 days later on our way home from the hospital with the newest addition to our family, I asked him the question, "What are you thinking about California?"  I couldn't hold it in any longer. I thought I might explode if I didn't get it out.

I had prayed unceasingly while we welcomed visitor after visitor into our hospital room. "Lord, do you really want us to leave all this right now?"

Neither of us were sure anymore. And before I knew it, I was looking at local real estate and so was Brian (we just weren't talking about it). I thought that maybe I was running away from what I felt the lord called us to do, and I didn't want to be a coward.

Neither of us knew why we were moving to California. We just felt the Lord leading us there. And suddenly (with no warning at all) I felt like I was flipped around and instructed to run the other way with no explanation at all.

You see, we had already sold our house (thanks to a knock on the door that I believed was an answer to a prayer), so if we wanted to stay here, we had to find a new house and quick.

A few days later, with tears barely able to contain themselves in my eyes, we made a decision to stay here, and just like that, peace overflowed my soul. I knew it was right (just like I knew moving to Cali was right only days before).

What do I know really?

Nothing.

Nothing except that this is a journey.

Tonight I ran the streets of my neighborhood and thought about all the prayer and worship and questioning and searching I had done on those streets. The Lord used running to change me into someone different.

It was on those streets that I feel in love with my savior, that I learned how to overcome fear, that I really became me.

In mere days, we will walk away from the walls where we have been changed, away from the streets that made us different, and into a new adventure.

It's not near the adventure that I thought it would be. It's not across the country. It's not as uncertain. But it will be an adventure none the less.

I still don't know where we'll be or what we'll be doing in a year. That's just the life you live when you let the Lord be in charge. But I have a pretty good feeling that we'll be here for a while longer.

I don't know why. I don't know why He sold our house with nothing more than a knock on the door from strangers. I was so sure at the time that that knock was all about us.

But the more I pray about it, the more I believe that it had nothing to do with us, and more to do with 2 people on the other side of the door.

They are not strangers anymore. They are becoming our friends, and for that, I am grateful.

Now we're moving 3 miles instead of 1,300 miles. And I still don't know why. What I do know is that surrounding this move is nothing but peace. And if there is anything I will chase after, it is peace.

Awaiting what's next.......