Here's the thing. My goal through this blog, through my Chazown and my purpose statement is to live with authenticity. I don't intend to sugar coat things or make them appear to be something they're not.
If you've been following for a while, you know that God has definitely called me to do things that I never intended to do. Through this blog, I've done my best to help women live in peace, search for their purpose, and seek God in all things.
I have read more of my Bible in the last 2 months than I probably have my entire life. I can't get enough of it. I wish someone would pay me to sit in a coffee shop and read it all day long. I'm sucked in and in love.
I have also finally started listening to God. It only took 27 years, but here I am. And not only listening, but doing. For the past month and a half or so, God has been telling me that I need to stop drinking. So let me give you a little back ground. I don't have a problem with alcohol. I enjoy a glass of wine 3 or 4 nights a week. I don't drink to get drunk. I just really like wine. I enjoy an occasional glass of beer as well.
There was a time, shortly after Luke was born, when I was so filled with almost constant anxiety, that I would have a glass of wine to take away my fear. No doubt about it, I was using it to run, to ease the anxiety. Now, it's nothing like that. I simply like wine.
For a couple months, God has shown me through numerous stirrings of the holy spirit and many instances in my daily life that He wants me to stop. And I just haven't wanted to. Plan and simple, I knew He was calling me to do it, but I didn't want to.
Just yesterday I was talking to God, and really feeling like I was at a stand still. I feel like He's given me glimpses of the things He has planned for my life, but I just didn't know what to do next, and I felt like He was giving me no direction at all.
And yesterday, I finally just said, "What do you want me to do next. Just show me, and I'll do it." And I felt it rush over me like nothing I could deny any longer. Like He just said to me "Stop doing what I asked you to stop doing, and I will show you what to do next." Like Chris Beale said last week at church, I knew it was time to turn 180 degrees, go in the other direction and never look back. Flee from it.
Tonight I told the girls in my small group all this and that the main reason I feel like God has moved me to stop is not because I believe drinking is wrong. In no way whatsoever am I legalist like that. I just feel like when God tells you to do something, you should do it. Every time I've poured a glass since He's put it on my heart, I've felt guilty. And I'm not stopping because I don't want to feel guilty. I'm stopping because I want to please Him. And I also never want to be the person that someone can point a finger at and say, "I thought it was okay because you did it." Alcohol is so destructive for so many people, and I don't want to be someone's excuse.
With all that said, I am extremely excited about what's next. I know there are greater things to come. There always are. I can't wait to see the details played out.
Thank you for allowing me to be open, honest, and simply me. Thank you for taking me as I am. And thank you for going on this amazing journey of faith with me.
I can't wait to see where we go next.
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