It's been a long time since my words have found there way here....onto this screen......for all the world to see. 

I don't know why it's been so long, other than maybe I've been waiting for something. Maybe I thought something would change or something big would happen or I would have this great lightbulb moment. But nothing has really changed and nothing big has happened and I haven't had any major lightbulb moments. 

But my heart has been stirring to write again (as it always does when I'm not writing), and all the while my heart has been stirring, this mean voice in my head says things like "What do you have to write about?" and "Who do you think you are that anyone would care what you have to say." and "Why would your words matter?" and "Someone else can do it better." 

And then today I listened to what I would consider a life-changing podcast by the Influence Network featuring author Shauna Niequist. Shauna has written several books including Bread and Wine, bittersweet, cold tangerines and her most recent daily devotional titled Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are. 

Shauna said these words in that podcast that literally opened my eyes to why writing and sharing is so vitally important. 

When I look back at the times that I wrote here, that I shared openly and honestly about our life and our struggles and our journey, those are the times when people came to me and said, "I understand what you mean when you talk about _______. I'm glad I'm not the only one who fears __________. You reminded me that I'm not alone." 

That's ultimately what writing is about. It's not about having life changing stories happen everyday, it's about having ordinary stories happen everyday and having the eyes to see the beauty and perfection in the everyday mess and chaos of life. 

So here's who I am...right now...in this 31-year-old place. 

I am a Christ follower. I am a wife and a mom 1st. I am a leader and an influencer. I am a writer and a thinker. I am a natural introvert. I am a foster mom. I am a mom-to-be {again}. I am a BRCA 1 and 2 carrier. I am a dreamer and a doer. I am a planner. I am a friend and a sister and a daughter.  

And this is where I am. 

I'm in a season of change, not only as we prepare for the birth of our 2nd daughter, but as we prepare for the transition of our 3rd foster baby into another home. In the midst of all that change, I'm in a place of peace that I haven't been in for a long time. There are so many unknowns in our world right now, but I'm willingly resting in a peace that doesn't care about the unknown. I'm trusting that God can write a much better story than I could ever dream of writing. 

I'm in a place where I'm sick of doubt and worry, and I'm running towards grace and grace alone. 

I'm sitting in my quiet office savoring the last few days of a quiet house before all 4 kiddos are home for the Summer, and I'm eating Lucky Charms for lunch because I'm pregnant, and I can. 

I'm in a place where I'm thirsting for knowledge and understanding. I want to learn about (and am learning about) margin and prayer and giving my best yes and stewarding well what God has blessed us with and loving by doing and living a better story. 

I'm in a place where I'm seeking and creating community, where I'm investing in my kids and my spouse, and doing my very best to use the time I'm given each day in the best way possible. 

And that's it. There is no magic happening here. We don't have any brilliant stories to tell. We are simply living each day as it comes and chasing after a man named Jesus who desperately wants to use us to write one heck of a story. 

So instead of wishing for something else, I'm going to plunge right into this...this space and this time our lives that is exactly what it is and nothing more. 

Mammogram #2 and a sweet reminder that I'm not alone

Last Friday I had my 1st mammogram. They called me Friday afternoon to tell me they found a spot on my left breast. The high risk specialist on the phone made it clear that they weren't too concerned about it, but because of my BRCA 1 and 2 mutations, they needed to look into it further. 

So yesterday morning, I headed to the women's center bright and early. I checked in 10 minutes late (as is my normal operating procedure) and sat down to wait. 

And I suddenly started to feel so very alone. 

I was scared for the first time. I let my mind wander to to the what ifs. I didn't expect to do any of that, but suddenly, sitting in a room patiently waiting, I let fear set in. 

And I started praying. Lord, if this is a battle I have to fight, I'll ultimately have to do it alone in my mind. My support system is amazing. I couldn't ask for more love around me. But no one else can get in my head. No one else will have to fight the inner battle. I will have to do that alone with you. 

And as I began to feel very, very alone, my sister walked around the corner, and I nearly cried. 

It was the sweetest reminder from the Lord that I don't have to and won't ever have to walk any of this alone. My sister, my mom, my aunt, my husband, my family.....they're all going to walk it with me. Whatever this journey ends up looking like, they'll all be there. 

Just thinking about the way my soul felt when I saw my sister's face, draws tears to the brim of my eyes. It was sweet. Loving. Exactly what I needed. 

We had no idea that we both had appointments on the same day, at the same time. She was there to see our high risk specialist to discuss her surveillance plan moving forward. I was there for additional imaging (which I hadn't told her about yet), and it was October 1st......the beginning of breast cancer awareness month. 

The second I saw her, I knew that none of this would have to be walked alone. Not a single step. Not even this little wait. 

I love moments like this that the Lord orchestrates for our hearts. He knows the desires of our hearts, friends, and He wants to give us those desires!

Whitney Janzen

Yesterday · 

 

View on Instagram Today is the first day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month! And I am wearing my hot pink skinniest to celebrate! Knowledge is Power friends! Go get a mammogram.... I'm waiting to get one right now. They don't hurt and it doesn't take long. It's worth your time to get checked. #themoreyouknow#breastcancerawareness — at Mercy Women's Center - Oklahoma City.

The above post from my sister is proof of a sweet moment of truth that the Lord gave me yesterday {see my shoes in the upper left hand corner}. 

Ultimately, I had to go back on my own, but my strength had been renewed simply by her presence. 

The mammogram was just on 1 breast. They were specifically looking for a certain spot. When she was finished taking what felt like a million pictures of my boob, she told me that she would show the images to the doctor, and then they would come get me if I needed to have an ultrasound. 

I waited in a small waiting room they call the TV room. I watched the weather while I waited and smiled and chatted with the couple other women who came and went while I continued to wait. 

I remember wondering what it would mean if they came to get me for an ultrasound. Would it be bad? Would that mean something was serious? 

And then she came......"Mrs. Dalke, if you'll follow me, we're going to head to the ultrasound room."

Crap. 

Here we go. 

The tech was nice. The room was cold. That seems like a silly detail, but it was really, really cold in there. 

I laid and started at the ceiling while she looked thru every inch of breast tissue. She kept saying that everything looked great. It all looked normal. But when she was done, she said she needed to show the images to the doctor and that the doctor may want to come in and look again. 

Okay. 

What does that mean? I thought it all looked good. Let's button it up and head home, lady. 

And there I was again. Alone. Cold. Staring at the ceiling. Wondering if this day would be significant. 

And right in the middle of the fear that I was letting slip in, came peace. Unexplainable. Undeniable. Peace without understanding. 

Not alone. But in Christ. 

Not cold, but full of the warm light of the Lord. 

Not staring up at the ceiling, but staring up towards Heaven. 

Not wondering if this day would be significant.....knowing it would be. Because today, I was reminded that I'm not alone, and I don't have anything to fear because greater is He who is in me, than He who is in the world. 

 Then the doctor was there, and I wondered if I should sit up to introduce myself or continue lying on the table. She wanted to have a look. 

Go ahead lady. Take a look. Whatever you find, I'm good. 

She looked and looked and looked and finally re-assured me that everything looked great. All normal breast tissue. 

She wanted to confirm that I was both BRCA 1 and 2 positive and that I was seeing a genetic counselor and that I would be back in 6 months for an MRI. 

Yes and yes and yes. 

And just like that, she was gone, and all was normal, and I was free to go about my day. 

And I still don't know what my plan is. I know I'll continue high risk surveillance. Whether or not I'll do more is still up in the air. But I do know, that whatever path I walk in the future, it will not be walked alone. 

31 days

The 1st few days breezed by. No big deal. 

Homeschool. We can do this. 

It doesn't look very traditional at our house. Brian teaching 2 days a week. Myself teaching 3. 

Today was different than the 1st few, and I wasn't even teaching. Brian taught today. I worked. I got everything done that I needed to (nearly everything). But somehow, I let the devil sneak in. 

Doubt started in seep in. Nothing stirred it. I just started wondering if I really could do it. The devil is stupid and sneaky like that. 

I'm better this evening. 

I shut my computer down, turned off my phone, and spent 2 hours outside with my kiddos, 11 chickens and the most fall-ish day we've had yet in Oklahoma. And I feel better. 

Dinner with my daddy and my sister and brother-in-law also helped. Snuggling and kisses and tickle fights....those things help too. I hand washed a kitchen full of dishes (since there was already a load in the dishwasher), and I let the warm water and suds soothe my soul. 

Sometimes my mind goes on overload. Sometimes I can't make it stop. And I needed it to stop today. 

So in honor making my mind stop, and slowing down, and focusing on what matters, I'm spending the entire month of October participating in The Nester's 31 Days Challenge. I already write everyday, so that won't be too much of a hang-up, but writing everyday about 1 topic may present a challenge. 

The question became, what is the only thing I need more of in my life? 

The answer? Jesus. 

So, that's it. You're about to get 31 days of Jesus. Lucky for you, there are amazing things that come with Christ. Ya know....peace, joy, love, gratitude. It'll probably be interesting to see where this goes. 31 days of Jesus....here we come. 

A little at war

I kissed her on the crown of her head and whispered to her that she was so special to me. And the corners of her little mouth turned up into the biggest grin. 

She wants to be adored. Like all women do. We want someone to notice us, love us, cherish us, tell us that we're special. I want to be the person who tells her everyday how special she is. 

Tonight was good, but this morning was rough. She and I have a battle of the wills more days than not lately. I realize that that is part of parenting, but I don't want to settle for just saying "that's just how it's going to be." 

In the summer, we rarely have it out. During the school year, we butt heads. I can't explain. Maybe she's tired. Maybe there are too many other influences in her life. Maybe I'm just not there enough. I don't know what it is. 

But what I do know is that something is wrong in my soul. I am uneasy and unsure and as I type those words, tears fill my eyes. 

I feel vulnerable and inadequate and unsure of myself and what I'm being called to. There is a definite prompting in my spirit to homeschool her. It's a prompting that I can't seem to explain away. 

And the devil is having his way with me...or at least he is attempting to. I find it interesting that the devil is concerned with me considering homeschooling, but he definitely is. There has been definite and obvious opposition today. I feel worn and defeated and completely incapable, not to mention full of doubt. 

In the same breath that I say I feel full of doubt,  I also feel full of peace. I almost feel like the only thing I'm missing is the courage to do it. 

The truth is, I don't want to homeschool. I feel the holy spirit leading me there (for some unknown mysterious reason), and I am very adamantly digging my heels into the ground. 

This is hard. How do we decide what is best for our children. I mean, do we even know? Probably not. But there are some things I know.....

I know I want to question everything. I don't just want to do what everyone else has done. 

I know my heart desires more time with my 6 year old. 4 hours a night isn't enough. And as I think about the 3 of them (hopefully 4 of them...one day) getting involved in extracurricular activities, then where does that 4 hours go....probably straight out the window. 

I know I don't want my children to doubt who they are in Christ. I know they will, but I want them to know who the Bible says they are so they can stand on it's truth when they need to. 

I know I want our family to be Christ centered.....not child centered. 

and I know something isn't well in my soul right now. I feel a little at war. So be it. She's worth fighting for. And I'll fight until I figure it out. 

Joy

I have the great honor of helping a dear friend tell a story to the world. It's a story that has and will continue to change lives. 

Ellie Kate's story isn't over yet. Though she is in Heaven as we speak, I believe without a doubt that the Lord will continue to use her story to change lives all over the world. It is a beautiful story. 

I wasn't a part of it when it started, so to go back and read it all now, knowing what I know, is hard and beautiful and a perfect reminder of God's grace. I mean, He's continuing to change me this very day through the parts of her story that I didn't know about.

To read more about Ellie Kate, click here if you want to cry, or here, or here, or here. She changed me. And she continues to change me. And tonight I miss her with a heart of joy that only Jesus can bring. 

Desperate

So I know I haven't had a lot to write about lately. A few good ideas here and there, but mostly fluff. I think it's because i'm in the process of changing a few things....my routines, my heart, my focus. All things that I'm sure I'll be ready to write about soon enough. 

I've been thinking a lot and questioning everything. 

I desperately don't want to our lives to look like the world. I can't decide if this was all spurred by Miley Cyrus' performance on the VMA's or not, but it's a possibility. 

I want my life to be full of Christ and full of these little people, and I don't want a whole lot else. 

I don't want to live in fear. It always has a way of creeping into our lives, and I desperately don't want any part of it. 

Can you tell I'm desperate? Desperate for Christ. Desperate for God's word and truth and abundant life. 

Desperate for Jesus and all he is. Light, truth, grace, mercy, peace, joy, life. I want all that. 

But that might mean that we make some decisions to live life differently. Maybe we make some decisions to ensure we have a Christ centered home. Maybe that's exactly what we need. 

And maybe we lay it all at the cross. Lay it all down in surrender to Christ. 

from "Becoming Myself" by Stasi Eldredge....on fear.....

Laying down what we want to protect or are afraid of losing or are terrified we will never have is not the same thing as losing those things. It is surrendering them. It is opening up or clenched hand around them and allowing God access to them and to us. It is actually saying yes to God for them. Yes to his plan. Yes to his way. It is believing that just as his ways are higher than the heavens are above the earth, so his way for the things we fear is higher. This God of ours is a God of life, of goodness. He is the God of the Resurrection. We lay down our fear. We pick up Jesus. He is the only way we can live beyond fear. He is the Way.

And I am desperate for Him.

How About A Girl's Night Out?

Tomorrow night. Let's have a girl's night. 

My local church is hosting the incredible Christine Caine tomorrow night at our Sisters event. This event is open to all women, and there are several locations for you to choose from. 

I'll be at the Edmond campus. Details below. 

But, you can also go to OKC where Christine and Amy Groeschel will be speaking live. That event starts at 7:00. The address is LifeChurch.tv - OKC Campus

2001 NW 178th St., Edmond, Oklahoma 73012

Anyways, we'd love for you to come. There will also be a Sisters event at our Yukon campus, and NW campus. Anyone and everyone is welcome to attend. It's going to be an incredible night of God's truth and love. 

Come! This is a little preview of how amazing Christine Caine is. (Click here)

 

The List of Lovies

We painted a chicken's toenails blue today. You don't need to re-read it. That's what I said. Painted chicken toe nails. Yep. That's the kind of day we had. 

The chicken coop (or the chicken mansion as I have lovingly dubbed it) is almost complete. It should be 100% done tomorrow. But the chickens are sleeping in there tonight, and we got 3 new ones today! Hence, the toenail painting. 

We went to church at 1:00 today which we never do, but Brian was busy working on the coop, and the kids were helping. After church it as naps for the kids and dad and a grocery trip to Target for me, list in hand, headphones plugged in, listening to Ben Rector the whole time. Yes, I'm obsessed. 

When I got home, Brian and Addy headed to Guthrie to buy fresh eggs for $1 a dozen. Seriously. They have a bunch of hens laying right now and an abundance of eggs so they're selling them for $1/dozen. That's crazy. So we splurged and got 3 dozen and 3 new chickens. That's a grand total of 6 chickens. They are cute in a weird dinosaur kind of way. 

We joked about naming them things like Curry (because of them is named Curly, but when Luke says it, it sounds like Curry) and Pad Thai, and KFC. By the way, we have no plans to eat these hens....just their eggs, but we are still big chicken eaters (only the no hormone, no antibiotics kind). But it is a little weird now that we have chicken friends out there. 

Anyways, after all the chicken events of the day, we sat down for dinner and started talking about our lovies. The kids and I had talked about it earlier in the day, so we introduced daddy to the concept, and then we all guessed what his lovies were {and we were right.} 

But for the record....here is a list of our lovies. My list (which is by far the longest) is here. 

Brian's lovies {daddy} 

• cooking 
• dinner with his family 
• hunting (2 weeks in Colorado every year) 
• the mountains 
• chill time on the couch 
•  the beach 
• OU football 
• Thunder basketball 
• wings
• the kids suggested chickens and he said, they might be his lovies, but since he's been working on the coop for 12 days straight, he's not sure yet

Addy's lovies

• Art 
• reading 
• riding horses
• the mountains 
• special dates with daddy
• getting her nails done with mommy 
• flowers (picking them and having them in the house)
• dinner at a restaurant 
• ice cream!

Luke's lovies:

• sword fighting 
• wrestling (he said wrestling and sword fighting are the same since they are both fighting) 
• snuggling 
• Unpluggits (a fun paint and play kid place in our town) 
• music 
• reading (he said this is not one of his lovies, but he loves doing it) 
• special dates with mom or dad
• picking out a new toy
• ice cream

I'm looking forward to adding to these lovey lists as we all change and grow, but I'm also excited about intentionally serving and loving my family by making sure they have these things frequently. 

I think I should mention that lovies are by no means going to bring you peace and joy, only Jesus Christ can do that. But they are things of this world that we can delight in while we're here. They can make you happy and comfort you temporarily, but by no means do I want you to think that a list of lovies will make life great. It won't. The purpose of the lovey list is to know, recognize, and indulge in those things that make you happy. 

Here's to our lovey lists. How do you plan on using yours? 

Lovies

A couple days ago I wrote about how I want to really live. Not live like the world tells me to live, but live how it feels good in my soul. 

I think one of the things that goes along with living is having lovies that we indulge in. Maybe that needs a little explanation. So lovies at our house, are my kids little comfort blankies. They sleep with them, they delight in them, they are calmed by them. 

There is nothing extravagant about their lovies. Lovies are about a feeling. I think so many of us don't even know what we love about the world. I know that we weren't made for this world, and there are many things not to love here, but there are so many things to delight in, but sometimes we miss those things because we are so miserably busy. 

I decided the other day that I want everyone in our family to make a list of lovies. I started a list for everyone, and I think I know my family well enough to know what their lovies are, but I should know for sure. So, we're going to get together, make our lovies list, and use it to serve each other as a family. 

For example, this is my lovies list. There are the things that I find joy and delight in here on this earth. 

• dates with daddy
• dates with my kiddos {special individual time with each of them} 
• time to study God's word
• running  
• fresh flowers
• a tidy living space 
• dinner time with my family around a table
• coffee 
• red wine
• washi tape 
• books {real ones with paper}
• notebooks 
• snuggle time 
• painted toes
• chocolate 
• the beach 
• bookstores
• the back porch 
• music (in love with Ben Rector right now) 
• mason jars 
• good blankets 
• unnecessary and childless Target trips
• sending love mail 
• scentsy bars
• the occasional long and Lush filled bubble bath 
• boxes on my porch
• long and dream filled conversations with my hubby 

Some of those are silly. Some of them are selfish. But all of those things are lovies in my life. They make me smile. They bring happiness to my day. And I think I need a little more of them in my life. Do you know what your lovies are? Do you know what your family's lovies are? If we don't know, how do we really serve them? 

This week, my family is going to make up our lovies lists. We'll keep them displayed in the house as a reminder of how we can bring joy, happiness, and love to each other. 

We could all use a little more love. This post brought to you as a reminder that maybe we should just live. 

I say, let's live

I recently watched an award's speech that Ashton Kutcher gave to a bunch of kids at the Teen Choice awards where he quoted Steve Jobs saying something to the effect that we are all living in a world that other people created. 

It's true. Too often we accept things the way they are because that's just the way things are. We don't have to do that. 

We can choose the way we want to live; the way we want to feel; the way we want to celebrate; the way we want our lives to be lived out. 

I started thinking about this last night when we sat around the table for dinner for the 1st time in a week. So much of the world is in go mode all the time. Go here; run there; do this; do that. I know that as my kids get more involved in extra curricular activities, we may not have as much time to sit around the table. It seems like dinner on the go is the norm for our society. 

Who ever said that was okay? There are things that I'm starting to see and feel as my kids get older that are so status quo, that I don't want to be part of my world. I want margin in my life. I want wiggle room. I do not want to be over scheduled or over worked, and I definitely don't want that for my kids. 

We are living in a culture that someone else created, and most of us are just going with it. 

I don't want that hustle bustle life style. I want my family. I know that things are naturally going to change as my kids get older. I just don't want to go along with everything that everyone else is doing because everyone else is doing it. What kind of life is that? And whose life is that? 

I want to cook and laugh and read....giggle and tickle. I want to study and write and pray. I want to run and give and serve. 

We live in a world where it's normal to not get a full night's sleep. We don't have time to sleep. Where on earth is the time we have to give or serve. 

When did this happen? And why are we okay with it? I mean, let's be real. Does your life look the way you want it to look? If not, why? Have we become so obsessed with getting and having and keeping up with the Jones' that we don't even know what we really want anymore? 

It seems that way. 

I want margin. I want space. I want freedom to do the things I love and not feel guilty about doing them. I don't want to be measured by what I have or where I live or what extra curricular activities my kids excel in. I want to be measured by how I give and how I serve and how I love. 

The older I get, the more I don't like this world. I don't like the way the devil has deceived us. I don't like how we have been so easily fooled. 

What about living? Are we doing that? And if not, why not? Because other people said this is what life looks like? Over scheduled; under paid; lacking passion and drive and just trying to get by. That's not life. And if it is, that's not any kind of life I want to be a part of. 

So today, I decided to do things my way. Today I stopped caring about what other people thought. And I'm going to start questioning everything. I don't have to accept things just because that's the way they've always been. 

I say, let's live.  Sounds more fun that way. 

A little braver today.....a story of a girl and a horse and fear....again

My heart fell into the pit of my stomach today. I knew she was falling before it happened. She knew she was falling, but she couldn't stop it. 

My 6 year old daughter fell off this horse today. It's her second fall since she's been riding, and I know it won't be her last. Falling off a horse is part of riding a horse. 

What is amazing to me is that she got right back up and rode again. 

I know she was scared when she fell. I know she was a little scared when she got back on, but I'm learning that each of a us have a few things in life that we view as scary but that we're willing to pursue anyways. 

My sweet little girl tried dance and feared the crowd. It wasn't worth the fear to her. She tried piano, and once again, feared the crowd when it came to be recital time. It just wasn't worth the fear. 

But riding is different. She loves riding. I mean, really, really loves riding. It's all she talks about. It's all she wants to do. 

And it's scary, and really scary when she falls, but there are some great things in life that are worth being scared over. 

I was thinking tonight about how courageous she is and about what it means to be courageous. 

Do you have that something in your life? Something that is more important than fear? 

My kids are that to me. They make me be courageous. They scare the crap out of me, but they are worth the fear. When you love someone that much, fear becomes a part of that love. But my babies....they are far more important than the fear. They make me be courageous. 

My business is the same way. I was thinking about how scared I was when I started.

What would people think? 

What if I failed? 

What if no one wanted to buy anything from me? 

What if......

But I had that 20 seconds of insane courage, and I did it, and I never looked back. It seemed worth the fear to me. 

Marriage is the same. What if he leaves? What if he stops loving me? What if it doesn't work out? What if? 

Worth it. Worth every second of the fear. 

Starting a bible study? Same story. What if no one shows up? What if they think I'm crazy? I don't know enough about the Bible....What will I say? Still....worth it. 

Everything that I have ever done that was actually worth doing was surround by a dark cloud of fear. And very slowly, day by day, that fear fades. I don't know that it ever really goes away. I think we just become braver. 

But there are things in my life that I stray away from because I'm afraid. Big things. Real things. 

Like writing a book. Or speaking about something other than Scentsy. I've gotten to a pretty comfortable place where things generally tend to work. I see other things, but I don't go there, because what if I were to fail? 

Today I watched my daughter fall off a horse, be visibly afraid, and then choose to get back up and ride again. And today I decided that I want to be more like her. I want to be brave like she has chosen to be brave. 

And I wonder if there is something in your life that is scary that you stray away from because of the "what ifs." I think we all have something in our lives that would be worth the fear if we would only step out and take a chance. 

My daughter reminded me today that it's worth it to fall sometimes. It's a reminder that great things aren't easy and sometimes we fail while pursuing them. But there are great things that each of us are called to that require us to step outside our fear and be brave. 

Maybe Brene Brown says it best when she says, "The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time." 

Here's to all of us showing up and becoming a little braver. 

Sweet Whispers

I watch his tiny chubby fingers as he rubs them against his lovey. His eyelids are heavy from the day. He's so busy all day long. Exploring, learning, trying new things. 

But now, in this moment, snuggled up against my chest, he is still. Not busy, not moving, just rocking in his momma's arms. 

My heart beat slows as he calms into my breath. We both relax into each other. The fan gently moves his baby soft hair back and forth, and my soul swells with love. 

Having a 9 month old who is crawling and exploring and busy means being a busy busy momma. And sometimes the days are long, but my time with him as a baby is so short. 

And at the end of the day, as I rock my sweet baby to sleep, I'm overwhelmed by the sweet whispers of the Lord as He reminds me that at the end of a busy day, sometimes all I need is to relax into His arms. 

In the midst of my movement and to do lists and good intentions, He loves me. But I have to slow down and be still and rest in Him to really feel it sometimes. 

I look at my sweet sleeping baby and am reminded that the Lord looks at me the same way. His love for us is overwhelming and it covers us just like our love for our children covers them. 

Thank you Lord for using these precious moments with my loves to remind me of and help me understand your love for me. Thank you for your grace and your sweet whispers. 

Community.....you need one

Sharing life with others isn't easy. It's usually messy and complicated and not always convenient. 

Let's be real. That's just how it is. 

But as Christ followers, we are called to be in community with one another. 

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.  ~Hebrews 10:24-25  

I know that taking time out of your day and routine to meet with and encourage other women is often much easier said than done. It's easier just not to do it.

But I know that my life apart from my women's bible study would be completely different if I didn't have them to constantly encourage me, challenge me, pray for me, and lift me up. It's what we do, and it's not always easy, but it's incredibly beautiful and worth every moment.

Our small group has been meeting on Tuesday mornings in north Edmond for over 2 years now. It seems as though everyone in the group has had their fair share of trials and tribulations. We have been thru hard times, times of blessing, and times of crisis. And we have done it all together.

No, we're not perfect, and we even make mistakes when it comes to one another from time to time, but we love each other, and we love Christ, and that's what makes community work.

We are currently inviting new friends to join us! And we would love for you to come.

We meet for 2 hours every Tuesday morning to fellowship, pray, and study God's word.

We do offer childcare, and we are in the process of making our large group into smaller, more intentional groups.

We meet for snacks, coffee and fellowship from 9:30-10:00 and then we split into our smaller groups for study. Each group does a different study, and we alternate leading for those who feel comfortable doing so. We stay in our small groups for 8 weeks, and then we change up the groups and start a new study.

Our new format allows for everyone to pick the group and study that best suits them. If you want homework, pick a group doing a study that has homework. If you know you can't manage homework at the season of life you're in, pick a group that's working thru a devotional.

I realize that taking time out of your already busy day is a lot to ask, but I will say that I don't know where I would be without these women in this group. Within our group, we have been through infidelity, divorce, restoration, foster care, a devastating home fire, sick kids, pregnancies, foster care, death, marriages, cancer, and the celebration of new life, and it is a joy to have a group of women to walk through the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and everything in between with.

The Bible says to "Bear one another's burden's and so fulfill the law of Christ." {Galatians 6:2}

That is exactly what our group does. We would love to have you. If you're in the Oklahoma City area (we meet in North Edmond) and are interested in joining our group, please comment below. Or if you are interested in learning more about how to start a lead and group in your area, also comment below. I would love to help you get started.

A few hours a week really can change your life. We are living proof. A community of women....you need one. I'm just sayin'

If I Only Had a Brain, Fear, and Heaven

I know I keep telling you that I'm going to re-cap our NYC trip. It's how I'm trying to keep you reading my blog actually.

I really was planning on writing about that tonight. But doing so would have required me to upload pictures onto my computer, and instead of doing that, I got involved in all kinds of other shenanigans tonight (none of which included uploading photos), BUT I'm uploading them now, and in roughly 7 hours, I will have pictures on my computer. (Not quite 7 hours, but it might as well be.)

So instead of NYC, you're getting FEAR! Aren't you excited?

I know. I'm exciting like that.

So here's what's on my heart tonight....




Fear is strange.

It has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, and wrecking everything that you thought to be true of your life.

We expect fear to come after a shooting or a natural disaster, but sometimes the fear likes to hold off and store itself up so it can attack when you least expect it.

I have written about fear many times on this blog. If we're going to be honest, it's something we all battle.

But yesterday, it came crashing back to me......A made up reality that I started to play out in my mind.

See, I have the honor of serving on the Board of Directors for Hope Link. Hope Link is a non-profit organization that provides support to families who have children with rare, serious, or undiagnosed conditions. These moms have the heaviest burden I have ever watched anyone carry.

Last night I sat in on one of their meetings. I have been to numerous. This was not the 1st. But there were at least 4 mommas in the room who have buried children. It's unfathomable.

And I heard them talk about how it never gets easier, and how it only gets different.

It's a walk that you would never wish on anyone, and they're living it. Our worst fears realized....these women are living it.

This week I have also had so many things come up about BRCA 1 and 2. {Insert Angelina Jolie.....and quit giving her a hard time because I don't think you would know what you would do until it became a reality for you.} BRCA 1 and 2 are the breast cancer genes. My mom carries both of them. She went to the doctor for her yearly check up and was once again deemed cancer free. It's been 5 years. I am so grateful.

But everyone wants my sister and I to be tested. And rightfully so. It's knowledge that I believe I need to have. But it's scary. And part of me doesn't want to know.

And then my friend came down from Kansas. She carries both genes. We talked about it all night.

One of the consultants on my Scentsy team died last week from cancer. She had 2 girls.

And the mind runs.

Does your mind do that? One thought leds to the next which leds to the next, and before you know it, you're on a runaway train headed straight for a cliff?

Speaking of minds that run, that reminds me of the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

(I was thinking about our minds and at the beginning of this post I was thinking about NYC, where I saw Wicked for the 1st time......thus.....The Scarecrow!) Just in case, you wanted to know how I got there {runaway train}.

You know that song he sings about all the things he would do if he only had a brain? I looked up the lyrics....

(Scarecrow)
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain

I'd unravel any riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain

(Dorothy)
With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln 
If you only had a brain

(Scarecrow)
Oh, I would tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain

I was lying in bed last night thinking about that silly scarecrow and how he so desperately wanted a brain when on most days I wish I could give mine away. It's what takes me down those runaway train tracks and straight into fear.

The Scarecrow says that he "would dance and be merry" if he only had a brain. But it seems to me that my brain is what often keeps me from being merry. It starts to think about things and reality and then it creates a nonreality that I start to think is reality, and things usually go downhill from there. The snowball you could call it (and not the good Dave Ramsey, debt smashing kind of snowball), the kind of snowball that takes one idea and turns it into many and rolls and rolls and rolls and gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

I sort of let fear sneak in on me last night somehow like that crazy snowball rolling down the hill gaining momentum with every turn. But I learned something last night that I do not want to ever forget.

When I was sitting in a circle with so many moms who had lost children, I heard one of my dear friends say that losing a child makes you "yearn for heaven." And I watched as they nodded their heads just like I would in church when the pastor says something really good and I want to say amen, but I don't want people to think I'm crazy. It was serious nodding. Yes, yearning for heaven is what we do.

Why do we live so consumed with this world, that we allow fear to overcome us so much so that we forget that the worst that can happen to us is that someone would threaten us with heaven?

In our humanly sin filled minds, we have a desire to stay on this earth because it is what we know. But I know people who yearn for heaven, because what they know and love and carried and birthed and loved is there and not here.

So tonight I'm praying for a heart that yearns for Heaven. I want a heart that could take or leave this earth. Just give me heaven.

I used to actually be afraid of heaven. And sometimes if I let my mind wander, I can end up down that road again. I don't understand what eternity looks like. I can't make it makes sense in my mind, so because I don't understand it, I fear it.

That is the craziest thing you have probably ever heard. But it's the truth.

But the rest of the truth is that the more I have gotten to know the Lord that I call God, the more my fears have learned to wash themselves away.  The Prince of Peace really does come with peace. It's a package deal.

And really, when it comes to my worst fears, what's the worst they can do? As Vince Gill would say, "Threaten me with heaven....that's all they can do."

Until then, I am going to do my best to lessen my love for this world, and increase my love for Christ, so that I too can yearn for Heaven.