Mammogram #2 and a sweet reminder that I'm not alone

Last Friday I had my 1st mammogram. They called me Friday afternoon to tell me they found a spot on my left breast. The high risk specialist on the phone made it clear that they weren't too concerned about it, but because of my BRCA 1 and 2 mutations, they needed to look into it further. 

So yesterday morning, I headed to the women's center bright and early. I checked in 10 minutes late (as is my normal operating procedure) and sat down to wait. 

And I suddenly started to feel so very alone. 

I was scared for the first time. I let my mind wander to to the what ifs. I didn't expect to do any of that, but suddenly, sitting in a room patiently waiting, I let fear set in. 

And I started praying. Lord, if this is a battle I have to fight, I'll ultimately have to do it alone in my mind. My support system is amazing. I couldn't ask for more love around me. But no one else can get in my head. No one else will have to fight the inner battle. I will have to do that alone with you. 

And as I began to feel very, very alone, my sister walked around the corner, and I nearly cried. 

It was the sweetest reminder from the Lord that I don't have to and won't ever have to walk any of this alone. My sister, my mom, my aunt, my husband, my family.....they're all going to walk it with me. Whatever this journey ends up looking like, they'll all be there. 

Just thinking about the way my soul felt when I saw my sister's face, draws tears to the brim of my eyes. It was sweet. Loving. Exactly what I needed. 

We had no idea that we both had appointments on the same day, at the same time. She was there to see our high risk specialist to discuss her surveillance plan moving forward. I was there for additional imaging (which I hadn't told her about yet), and it was October 1st......the beginning of breast cancer awareness month. 

The second I saw her, I knew that none of this would have to be walked alone. Not a single step. Not even this little wait. 

I love moments like this that the Lord orchestrates for our hearts. He knows the desires of our hearts, friends, and He wants to give us those desires!

Whitney Janzen

Yesterday · 

 

View on Instagram Today is the first day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month! And I am wearing my hot pink skinniest to celebrate! Knowledge is Power friends! Go get a mammogram.... I'm waiting to get one right now. They don't hurt and it doesn't take long. It's worth your time to get checked. #themoreyouknow#breastcancerawareness — at Mercy Women's Center - Oklahoma City.

The above post from my sister is proof of a sweet moment of truth that the Lord gave me yesterday {see my shoes in the upper left hand corner}. 

Ultimately, I had to go back on my own, but my strength had been renewed simply by her presence. 

The mammogram was just on 1 breast. They were specifically looking for a certain spot. When she was finished taking what felt like a million pictures of my boob, she told me that she would show the images to the doctor, and then they would come get me if I needed to have an ultrasound. 

I waited in a small waiting room they call the TV room. I watched the weather while I waited and smiled and chatted with the couple other women who came and went while I continued to wait. 

I remember wondering what it would mean if they came to get me for an ultrasound. Would it be bad? Would that mean something was serious? 

And then she came......"Mrs. Dalke, if you'll follow me, we're going to head to the ultrasound room."

Crap. 

Here we go. 

The tech was nice. The room was cold. That seems like a silly detail, but it was really, really cold in there. 

I laid and started at the ceiling while she looked thru every inch of breast tissue. She kept saying that everything looked great. It all looked normal. But when she was done, she said she needed to show the images to the doctor and that the doctor may want to come in and look again. 

Okay. 

What does that mean? I thought it all looked good. Let's button it up and head home, lady. 

And there I was again. Alone. Cold. Staring at the ceiling. Wondering if this day would be significant. 

And right in the middle of the fear that I was letting slip in, came peace. Unexplainable. Undeniable. Peace without understanding. 

Not alone. But in Christ. 

Not cold, but full of the warm light of the Lord. 

Not staring up at the ceiling, but staring up towards Heaven. 

Not wondering if this day would be significant.....knowing it would be. Because today, I was reminded that I'm not alone, and I don't have anything to fear because greater is He who is in me, than He who is in the world. 

 Then the doctor was there, and I wondered if I should sit up to introduce myself or continue lying on the table. She wanted to have a look. 

Go ahead lady. Take a look. Whatever you find, I'm good. 

She looked and looked and looked and finally re-assured me that everything looked great. All normal breast tissue. 

She wanted to confirm that I was both BRCA 1 and 2 positive and that I was seeing a genetic counselor and that I would be back in 6 months for an MRI. 

Yes and yes and yes. 

And just like that, she was gone, and all was normal, and I was free to go about my day. 

And I still don't know what my plan is. I know I'll continue high risk surveillance. Whether or not I'll do more is still up in the air. But I do know, that whatever path I walk in the future, it will not be walked alone.