If I were a prostitute, God would love me anyway. He may even give me one of the highest honors you could possibly ever receive.

Have you ever noticed this? It's one of my favorite secrets in the Bible.

1 This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah, the son of David, the son of Abraham:

5 Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab, Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth, Obed the father of Jesse, 

Do you know who Rahab was? Every other time she is mentioned in the Bible, she is mentioned as Rahab the prostitute.

And then amazingly, she appears in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. A prostitute appears in the blood line of Jesus Christ. Why? Read on.....because He's good.

Rahab's story is found in Joshua 2. When Joshua and the Israelites were finally headed into the Promised Land after over forty years in the wilderness, Joshua sent two spies into Jericho. Those spies found a safe haven in Rahab's home.

Rahab had heard of all the things the Lord had done for the Israelites and proclaimed to the spies that night,

"For the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below."

Later in the story when Jericho fell by the hands of the Israelites, the only ones spared were those in the house of Rahab the prostitute.

You know what I love about the Lord? He doesn't care what you've done or who people think you are. He doesn't even care what people call you. He doesn't care what you've thought or how you feel. He only cares about your heart. He only asks that you believe in Him, and follow His lead.

In all of my emotions about fostering and in all of my doubt and frustration, He has never left me. He has never once thought less of me because of how I feel. He loves me because I love Him. And the most beautiful part of it all is that He loved me before I loved Him.

Tonight when I was re-reading Rahab's story, it was as if the Lord simply re-affirmed me. {You are enough. You are exactly who I called you to be, and you are doing exactly what I called you to do. It doesn't have to look perfect right now. It is all part of my perfect plan.}

It was all I needed.

To simply know that I am not defined by what I have done or the things I have thought or even the emotions that I sometimes feel is a refreshing reminder of who God really is. Instead I am defined by the One I call Father....by my compass, my support, my Abba. And oh, what a glorious thing it is to have Him on your side.

Do you need to remember that today? He doesn't label you by who you are. He labels you by who you love and what you believe. Do you love Him and believe Him? That's really all He cares about. There is nothing you could have ever done that isn't wiped clean by the blood of Christ. It's sweet sweet news isn't it?

Call it a journey. Call it an adventure. Call it whatever you want. We'll continue to call it, "Seeking God's will for our life." May you do the same daily.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

.....day 232 of a year of writing.....

No One Told Me It Would Be Like This

In our twenty-seven hours of pre-foster care training, no one ever mentioned how I would feel once I was caring for someone else's babies.

Never once did someone say, "Some people feel this way...." or "Others feel like this."

No. Not even a mention of how it might change me or how emotional it might be.

I wasn't naive enough to think it would be a walk in the park, but I was certain that I would fall in love with any child that was brought into my home. I knew I would. There was no doubt about it.

But I haven't.
I don't love them like I thought I would. Don't take this the wrong way. I love them. It would be nearly impossible to not love a child put into your care. I love them. It's just that I don't love them.

I don't miss them when they're gone. I don't want to snuggle them on the couch. I often have a hard time going to pick them up from daycare. Once they get home, everything just gets harder. I honestly don't like the weekends because I know that all four kids will be home all day long. It's hard to do anything because they're all so little and there are four of them!

I look forward to the moments after I pick Luke and Addy up from school when it's just the three of us. Life is just easier that way.

But before I know it, the babies have to be picked up, and the frenzy and chaos of the evening begins. We really do have our evening schedule down now. It's just so much work.

You know how sometimes it gets hard to take care of your own kids? Imagine what it feels like when it gets hard taking care of someone else's.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe I just need it all out. I want to out on paper so I can see it. Why didn't anyone tell me I would feel like this? Maybe it's just me. Maybe no one else does feel like this. Maybe all the other foster parents out there (the good ones at least) are head over heels crazy about their foster kids.

I really don't know. It's like I try to love them more, and I can't. Maybe it's my own fault. Maybe I'm personally holding myself back from them, but I really don't think that's it. At this point, everything would be easier if I were crazy about them. It would be easier if I loved them more.

I have to constantly remind myself that this entire experience and this entire process is not about me. I'm constantly worried about how I feel, but it shouldn't be about me. And it's not. It's about doing something for someone else and doing it selflessly. I pull myself and my feelings and emotions into it all too often.

What if we could just help someone? What if I could get over myself long enough to actually do some good? That should be the goal.

This is not about me. It's not about the way I feel. It's about the two babies that we have and the momma and daddy they are going to go back to one day.

I've got to stop looking inward and start looking out. There is more than just me in all of this. There is also them. And they are what really matters.

.....day 231 of a year of writing....

I Need Your Advice....and I'm Tired

I subscribe to a blog called 5 Minutes for Mom. Their post today asked for guest bloggers. It's pretty basic. You email them and tell them you're interested in writing a guest post, and they email you back and ask you to write a post. They said the topic is up to me.

I'm thinking about doing it. What do you think?

And, what the heck should I write about? Obviously, I will pray about it, and ask the Lord what I should do, but I'm curious to know your opinion.

I could write a post for both 5 Minutes for Mom and 5 Minutes for Faith. So I could really write two. One about mom stuff and one about God stuff.

What is your favorite post you've read here? I'm just curious. I'd love your thoughts.

Besides that....here is what I actually wanted to tell you tonight.....I'm tired! (Below is what I wrote before I found out about the guest post thing.)

Remember how when you were little you never wanted to go to sleep?

I remember staying up late reading under my covers. I'm not sure why I thought the sheets made it impossible to see my flashlight, but I thought I was invisible.

My daughter does the same thing now. She lies in her bed and colors. Luke sneaks out of his bed to get books about trucks and firefighters.

They never want to sleep!

And all I want to do is sleep!

Why is that? I would kill to go to bed at 10:00 p.m. and sleep until 8:00 a.m. but that just never happens around here.

And now that I'm pregnant, I'm beyond tired. It's like I can't control when my eyelids fall. People must think I'm crazy. I swear I dozed off for a second in line at Target the other day. That's bad.

So, because I'm tired, you're getting an entire post about me being tired. Sorry! But it's my life, and that's really all you get around here.

I'm going to snuggle with my sexy husband on the couch and call it a night.

Don't judge me. I'm trying to sleep for two now. :)

.....day 230 of a year of writing....

Good Fruit

I love it when I read something that was exactly what I needed to hear right when I needed to hear it. I just read the most beautiful blog post from Ms. Beth (aka Beth Moore). You can read it here if you're interested. It just brought a smile to my face. They were the words I needed to hear.

I have been struggling a lot lately with my attitude and perspective about our life right now. Here's the deal....we are crazy blessed in the most amazing ways, but this decision to foster and bring two babies into our home has changed everything.

It has changed life as we know it completely. And while I often get caught up in how hard it is to have all these kids here, I do not want to stop bearing fruit for the Lord. I don't. If we stop bearing fruit (even in the hard times) then what is it worth?

Ms. Beth tells us in the above mentioned post:

The Holy Spirit penned it this way in John 15: “Every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” The purpose for this massive cutting away of what is dead is to make room for what is alive. It is for our health. Not for our end.

I know that He's cutting away....the Lord is pruning the dead branches to make room for new blooms. I know this entire process is making me better. It's making me more like Him. It's forcing me to be selfless even when I don't want to be (which is most of the time, just for the record).  And I know I'm changing because it hurts a little. I'm uncomfortable. I don't honestly feel like I'm bearing any fruit at all at the moment. I feel like I'm doing a lot of complaining and whining.

Again Ms. Beth has a great scripture to remind me what I know in my soul to be true:

“As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” Catch the nuance in Galatians 3:3 – “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?”

One thing is for certain about this entire process, I can't do this alone. When I try to do it without the Lord in front of it, I completely lose it....remember, just a few days ago?  That day everything came to a crashing halt not only because we had been out of our normal routine, but also (and largely) because I had been out of God's Word. How on Earth did I expect to bear fruit when I wasn't even connected to Him?

You can't do it.

So, really more than anything, this post is a prayer. That the Lord would continue to allow me to bear fruit even in the hard times.

This is one of the hardest things we have ever done as a family, but that doesn't mean that the world has to stop. We can still give and love and serve and bear fruit even when life is hard. I know it's up to me. I have to remain in Him and connected to Him if I want that to happen, but I know it's possible. He is constantly preparing us for more. How can we grow if he doesn't stretch us and challenge us?

Oh that I may bear Him good fruit even in stony ground!

.....day 229 of a year of writing.....

Work / Life Balance

I wanted it to exist so badly. I believed that it would exist if I just tried hard enough. That impossible work/life balance that everyone seems to be seeking.....I thought I could find it.

I thought that I could fit my "work from home job" into a nice little box and only work when I said I was going to work.


Oh, how incredibly wrong I was! It's been four years now that I've been working from home, and I am convinced that there is no such thing as work/life balance (at least not in the way we think about it).

I thought that finding balance would mean working exactly when I said I was going to work and doing home and family stuff exactly when I said I was going to.

But it has never turned out that way.

Orville Thompson, Scentsy's CEO, has often given us the analogy of the work/life balance being similar to an orchestra. I have heard him talk about this so many times, but I just wanted to believe that "balance" existed the way I wanted it to.

Orville talks about how in an orchestra, each section of instruments has their own time to play. There are times when only the violins play, times when only the cellos play, times when only the clarinets play...I think you get the point. And then there are times when all the instruments play together. None of it is more beautiful than any other part. It's the whole that makes the symphony.

Our lives are much like that. There are times when work comes first for a short time, times when everything we do for a period of time centers around family and so on.

As of late, my frustration has come from trying to separate all the parts of my life...Scentsy, my kids, my husband, my relationships, my prayer time, foster care, Bible study.....I have been trying to make each part fit into it's own neat little box.

But that's not where balance comes from. There is no clocking in and clocking out of life. It's an ebb and flow. It all works together. And when it does all work together, that's when you get your symphony.

Do you remember that movie, Mr. Holland's Opus? This is my favorite quote from that movie. It's the part that makes me cry every time.

Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life. 

The music of our lives is the everyday. The rain. The tears. The hard times. The good times. The laughter. The smiles. The messes. The chaos. The work. The play. That is the symphony. It doesn't all work separately to make the music of our lives. The pieces are intertwined. When all the instruments play together, we get the music of our lives.

Maybe balance really is the key to life, but I don't think it works the way we think it does. There is beauty in the mix. Have you found it?

.....day 228 of a year of writing.....

Perspective

Perspective can change everything.

Moving from one place of mind to another can make all the difference in the world.



We left today.....just left the world as it is, and went on an adventure. A last minute decision to head to the zoo on Addison's last day of Spring Break gave me the perspective that I had so desperately been desiring.



I could have easily sat around the house all day trying to wrap my mind around the "things to be done." There are always things that need to be done. But more important than those things is the life that we often let slip right by us while we're wrapped up in things that don't really matter.



I was thinking today about how ironic it is that I chose the word simplify as my word for 2012. My life is more complicated than it's ever been. I thought that sometime this year we would get a sweet little foster baby who we would love and give everything we had to, and we dreamed of becoming mentors to his or her birth parents and helping them get their lives back on track. That was really all I planned on adding to my life this year, and in my mind it fit neatly into my box of simplicity.



Ha! Little did I know......It's funny how I try to plan out things, and they never really pan out the way I intended for them to.



Instead of one baby, we got two with a third baby of our own on the way. There is nothing simple about that.



Our life is sort of complicated. Working from home and juggling my two kiddos plus two foster babies and all the appointments they have to be at is a lot to handle. Add in Brian's schedule and life in general, and you get the complete opposite of the word simple.....maybe our life would more properly be described as down right crazy.



But maybe it's more about perspective. No, our life is not simple. But from where we stand, on most days, it's really really good. It's hard, but it's good.



And for no other reason than that we know we're seeking God's will for our life.

We're simply following.


















Following His lead. Following His guidance. Often not knowing exactly where we're going, but always knowing exactly Who we're with.

It really is all about perspective.

.....day 227 of a year of writing.....

Coming Back from the End of the Line

I reached it today. The end of the line. I almost completely lost it. I was at the tipping point (and not the good tipping point that Malcolm Gladwell talks about in his book). I'm talking about the tipping point. I was just done.

In case you're just joining us or if you're a little behind, let me catch you up. My husband Brian and I have two children (ages 3 and 5) and two foster babies (ages 1 and 2) that have been in our care for six weeks now. I work from home as a Scentsy Independent Consultant, and my husband is a youth pastor at our local church. We also just found out we are expecting our third baby (insert crazy pregnancy hormones). We are in the process of attempting to get our house ready to put on the market. And to top it all off, we're praying about making an offer on a new house later this week. We shall see how that unfolds. So, that's the short version. The above statement also serves as my disclaimer if at any point I appear to be crazy.

Oh, and I almost forgot, about 220 days ago, I made a sort of deal/pact with God that I would write everyday for a year. So here I am. This is our crazy story.

For those of you whom I know well and who I reached out to today, please know that all is well in my head now. Earlier in the day, it was rough going. I'm blaming it on the raging hormones inside my body. That better mean this baby is happy and healthy and making itself comfortable in there, if you know what I mean.

So here it is....here's what I need to know.....

Do you ever just get to the point where you feel like you are at the absolute end of the line?

Anyone? No? That's just me?

Okay then. Well, if you're perfect. This is not the post for you. If you're down for some authentic, hey, this is life, kind of writing, then you're in the right place. Read on crazies.....

Today started like most Sundays with me getting four babies ready for church and out the door. It is always a complete act of God that it happens at all. Brian leaves for church right as I get up on Sundays. So it's up to me to feed everyone, clothe everyone, and change (on average) 6-8 diapers before we get in the car. Once we're in the car, it's a twenty-five minute ride to church.

Once we get to church.....just imagine it... getting four small children out the of car, across the parking lot, and into a building without anyone falling down or getting hit by a car? It's a challenge. I'm just saying. (By the way, church is the only place I take all four of them at the same time....I did take them to Chick-fil-A once by myself, but it was not pretty.)

Anyhoo.....moving on. Today I was particularly on edge because I knew that Wade and Bailey's mom and dad had agreed to meet us at church for the first time. It's really what I had been praying for. Just to get them there.

I arrived with all four kiddos in tow on time and ready to go. The kids went into their respective rooms and Brian and I went to save four seats in the auditorium. I save seats (during our most crowded service of the day) while Brian waits in the lobby for them to arrive. All through worship I'm distracted. I'm just praying they'll actually show up. Four songs in, they still aren't there.

I'm super annoyed and pretty ticked off (as is Brian). The sermon begins, and they still aren't there.

Fifteen minutes into a thirty minute sermon, they finally walk into the sanctuary. And I'm mad.

And as I sit there fuming (but trying not to show it) the Lord whispers ever so gently to me, "But they're here. I don't need an entire worship experience and a full sermon to work in them. I can work in them because they're here. Love them." 

Dang it! He's always right. I'm just glad they showed up.

After the service the babies' mom took a "What's Next" kit which is a Bible and a worship CD and a message from Pastor Craig, so I was excited about that. I have to keep reminding myself that He didn't work overnight in me, and He may not work overnight in them. I just need to be here for the ride. I just need to be here to love and support them. So I will be.

After we picked the kids up, we let them hang out and play with the babies in the hallway at church for a good half hour or so. It was good to see them outside the walls of the sterile place where we have supervised visits.

But when everyone hugs and kisses goodbye, it's back to work for me. It means I have to feed all four kids and get them down for naps (praying that no one falls asleep in the car because then there is a good chance there won't be a real nap at home). Today I opted for a drive-thru where I handed each of them their kid's meal to eat on the road while we made the twenty-five minute ride home.

When we got home, all is well at my house except that the house is trashed (mainly because we had guests all week, and we never really picked up like we do on a normal day). There is a week's worth of laundry to do, dishes to clean, plants to water, work to be done on the computer, and suddenly I'm resenting the fact that I have to take care of babies who aren't mine.

(Not a good place to be, people).

Before I know it, I'm beyond frustrated with the kids. None of them are getting the attention they deserve because I'm running around like a crazy person just trying to survive while changing diapers (again) and telling kids to stop hitting each other over and over again.

Suddenly I hit it. The end of the line. There is no where else to go.

I don't know how I got there. I'm blaming it largely on a week outside of our normal disciplined routine and pregnancy hormones. I finally just sat down (P.S. I don't sit down....this is not normal operating procedure for me). And before I knew it, I was crying. I didn't know why. I didn't care. I also didn't care what the kids were doing. I really didn't care about anything at all.

I just wanted to quit. It all became too much.

So, I did the only thing I knew to do, I called for help. I posted a request for prayer and sanity on the group page dedicated to my Bible study. Within minutes, Tasha called. A simple phone call to remind me that I'm not the only one who gets to the edge sometimes.

"Do you want me to come over and take all the kids in the back and just let you be in the house for a while? You have to get away sometimes. You're not crazy, but you are pregnant. Even Jesus took plenty of time to be away from it all. It's important."

And it is. It was the reminder that I needed in that moment. I needed to hear that it wasn't only me. I needed to hear that it was okay to ask for help.

I told her that I was fine. Brian was on his way home. I had just sent him a text that said, "I need you to come home." And I meant it. When he called to ask if I was okay, my reply was simply, "No."

He agreed to make arrangements for dinner, and said that when he got home, I could just relax. By the time he got home, I was already starting to feel better. I didn't feel so alone. (And I had eaten two lime popsicles. I'm not sure if that factored in or not, but it may have.)

He immediately pulled out dinner and started feeding the kids, and I realized that although the impending mountain of work in front of me may seem like a lot to do, I could at least start somewhere.

So, I started folding laundry. Simple. But it was a first step. And then, the tiny little list maker in my head woke up and started making neat little lists in my brain again. Laundry, pick up toys, eat dinner, fall asleep with my head on the table while Brian is giving the kids a bath (maybe we should have added exhaustion to my list of possible explanations for reaching the end of the line), snuggle Luke, kiss the babies goodnight, more laundry, water the plants, clean the kitchen, and the list goes on.....but you get the point.

By the end of the night, I had run one mile (my first time on the treadmill in a long time and it was long overdue), picked up the house, planned out my entire week, and finished most of the laundry. I also asked Brian to take over cooking dinner every night until my aversion to all things raw meat goes away, and he happily agreed.

So, all in all, this is a post to tell you that I almost went crazy and then decided against it. I know I'm not the only one.

How do you come back from the end of the line without falling off?

1. Ask for help 
2. Get away

Easy as that. 

Hoping life is good in your world. It's good here, even in the rough patches. 

.....day 226 of a year of writing.....

Pregnancy Hormones Suck

Well, my pregnancy hormones officially ruined their first party. Michael, if you're reading this, I promise I'm not crazy, it's the baby that's making me crazy! I'm so sorry I was the party pooper who abruptly ended your surprise party. Tell Dan I'm sorry, too. I know he doesn't read this.

Here are the boys from the party. They were nice enough to pose for a party pic for us. My girl pictures didn't turn out. : (

It was a great night that started at Upper Crust for a surprise dinner with a group of our friends from church. Then we headed over to the patio at Republic where we were all enjoying the beautiful Oklahoma night.

The only problem was that the group of people we were sitting next to were completely wasted. Immediately, I'm annoyed. Really annoyed. And they were being inappropriate and rude, and really just driving everyone crazy (especially me).

Then, about an hour into our night on the patio, one of the guys in the group next to us lights up a cigarette. Now, here's the deal. If smoking is your thing, no worries. I still love you. It's going to kill you, but I love you, as long as you're smoking in appropriate smoking areas. This patio was a non-smoking area, and these guys knew it. They had walked outside the patio a few times before to light up, and then apparently they got too lazy to get up again.

When the guy lit up the cigarette, I just about lost it. Of course, my pregnant nose instantly smelled it. So, I stood up to go inside to the bathroom.

I was hoping by the time I made it outside, he would be done. Wrong. By the time I got outside, there were three guys smoking, and the smell almost knocked me out the second I stepped outside. Now, if you have never been pregnant, let me tell you about the pregnancy superhero powers. When you're pregnant, you can smell anything and everything! You have a crazy heightened sense of smell. And in cases like this, your super nose can get you in trouble.

I immediately walked over to Brian who was sitting right next to the guys who were smoking and said (much louder than I intended to), "I'm going inside until those guys stop smoking!"

To which he replied, "Do you just want to go?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm ready to go!"

And then, without saying goodbye to anyone we were with, I walked back into the restaurant, straight to the front door, and out to the car. Wow. There is a word for that that rhymes with "witch."

Oh I feel awful! But I was pretty sure that 2 more seconds in that smoke and I would have gone crazy on the drunk people, and I'm pretty sure they would not have felt bad for breaking the rules and smoking on the patio. Then I can just see how it plays out....Brian could easily have gotten into it with them.....which would not have been good.

So overall, not the best night. I feel bad about ruining the party. (Everyone else left after we did.) And I feel really bad about not saying goodbye to anyone. I had a great time, until I smelled smoke, and it was like the crazy switch went off! I really promise you that I am not this psycho usually. I just hate feeling like I can't control my emotions.

In conclusion, pregnancy hormones suck! Mean people who smoke where they aren't supposed to and make pregnant women want to throw up also suck!

And Michael and Dan, I'm so sorry I ruined your surprise party! Happy Birthday!

.....day 225 of a year of writing.....

Sinful Saturday Snack

I know it's not Saturday yet, but you'll definitely want to try this one out tomorrow!

This week has been an interesting one around here. My mom and my best friend and her husband and their little boy were all here this week. I love having a full house, but it meant that I got very little done work wise. (Which is good for me every once in a while.)

We are also seriously considering making an offer on a house next week as well, which means that our house will have to go on the market. So, today I started making lists of all the areas in my house I need to de-clutter.....which is basically every part of my house!

Oh well. There is always work to be done around here. My mom and I spent two hours after dinner tonight cleaning out the garage. It looks amazing! Am I the only one whose garage fills up with crap every few months? I can't figure out why it happens, but it does. But I'm glad to report that now my Tahoe is in the garage and everything is clean! Yeah. I love my momma.

My momma is also the one who highly suggested that we try this Sinful Saturday Snack tonight after all our work.

This recipe actually comes from our good friend and number one baby sitter. She said her mom didn't like making cookies when she was growing up, so they came up with this recipe. My mom tried it last night, and I think she's addicted to it.

Here's what you need: Cookie dough, ice cream, and a microwave......

Start with the cookie dough in a bowl. My momma was generous tonight and put two cookie dough blobs in my bowl. (We used ready to bake dough.)

Next, pop your bowl of cookie dough in the microwave for thirty seconds.

Here's what it looks like when it comes out of the microwave.

Top warm cookie dough with your choice of ice cream. We used good ole' vanilla ice cream. (And I asked for extra ice cream.)

And the last step: Mix it all together. I know it doesn't look good this way, but it is!

Weird, I know....but I promise, it's delicious! Try it. Happy Saturday (just a bit early)!

.....day 224 of a year of writing.....

I'm That Crazy Person....Hunger Games!

It just occurred to me that I often refer to myself as crazy, but hey, I kind of am!

Tonight I will join countless other crazies as we watch The Hunger Games at midnight! We have great friends from church who stood in line for who knows how long to get an entire row of tickets in the balcony of the coolest theatre around here where you can order food from your seat and it gets delivered to you! You know that makes this pregnant girl happy! : )

If you remember correctly, I had a Hunger Games obsession over Christmas break. This is just about my favorite book series ever!

If you haven't read it yet, go on over to Amazon and buy yourself a copy. And make a plan to see the movie. I'm hoping it'll be great! I'm sure you'll hear all about it tomorrow!

Until then, you can enjoy the preview. We're off to the movies!

.....day 223 of a year of writing.....

Fun Easter Ideas from Pinterest

I've been looking for fun ideas for Easter on Pinterest. Here are just a few things I found to help in the celebration this year.

I'm curious....what are you doing this Easter? Do you have any fun family traditions? 

Here comes Peter Cottontail.....

.....day 222 of a year of writing.....

Along for the Ride

I don't recommend watching Soul Surfer when you're pregnant. Just in case you are pregnant or plan on getting pregnant anytime soon. Don't watch Soul Surfer. You'll cry through the entire movie.

I'm telling you I cried even during the parts that aren't tear worthy. Like when she ripped the arm off her Barbie doll. I cried. Probably not tear worthy, but with pregnancy hormones, I guess just about anything is tear worthy.

Just moments later I was laughing, because it reminded me of my niece the other day. Brian walked into the room, and said, "Hey Kate, are you playing Mr. Potato Head?" To which she responded very seriously, "It's Soul Surfer" and ripped off Mr. Potato Head's arm and threw it across the room. That's awesome.

And now, as we speak, my husband has decided to move to the beach....someplace where there are no state income taxes and "our kids will be ripped because they'll surf all the time." (Those are his words, not mine.) Mom, don't worry. It'll be a short lived dream. He did say that he would make sure we moved close to an international airport so flights would be cheap. : )

I'm really just telling you all of this to stall, so I don't have to turn my brain on to think of everything swirling around inside it.

It's Tuesday, which means it's family therapy day for Wade and Bailey. Today they only got an hour with Mommy and Daddy since the normal therapist had a death in the family. We were squeezed into an hour time slot with their previous therapist.

Overall, the day went well. The babies were really excited to see their momma which makes everything better. We talked about momma all the way to therapy, and Bailey was thrilled by the time we got there.

She spotted her mom as she was walking into the building and her face lit up. It's a good thing to see. And Wade didn't resist going to either his mom or dad. They were both all smiles. Mom brought them each a new outfit, and when I mentioned going to lunch with them, her eyes lit up. "I'd love that," she replied. And she meant it.

I can see her desire for them, and that makes me happier than anything. But it's still hard. All of it's hard. The rest of the afternoon after we leave counseling is always hard. I know they miss them. It's their mom and dad. Of course they miss them.

So, we're taking it day by day still.

Brian and I both agree that the way we feel about them is just different than the way we feel about our kids. I don't know if it was how they came to us. We knew that this would be temporary when they came. Or, if it's just because it's different.

All in all I know that if nothing else, these babies have a good, safe, and loving home right now, and we are being changed daily by this experience. We're learning to love more, grow more, find time for more. And while we're on this journey, we'll keep changing by the grace of our Lord. We serve a good God who is leading us to great places. Even if the road is not always smooth, we're along for the ride.

.....day 221 of a year of writing.....