When we don't feel Him.....

Somehow it got late, and I was just thinking about something I heard today. {Thank you Beth Moore and Jesus The One and Only}

I have had people ask me about "getting a word from the Lord" and what that means and what it looks like. And I don't know that I have an answer. The more I sought the Lord, the more I heard from Him. 

The more I opened myself to Him, the more He spoke. 

The more I allowed Him to mess with me, the more He led me. 

But there have been times when I have closed my ears and my heart to Him. No doubt about it. Because I wasn't willing to do whatever it was He was calling me to. 

I turned my head and I stopped feeling Him near me. 

And oddly enough, when I stopped listening, He stopped talking. {And I'm not talking audible speaking. I have not heard the actual voice of God coming down from a cloud in Heaven. But I've heard Him in my soul.} 

Anyways, when He stops talking, I don't know what to do. I can't feel Him anymore, so I start playing by the rules. 

Go to church. Lead Bible study. Fellowship with women. 

Go through the motions. 

That's what happens. I turn legalistic. I start "following the rules" to a T. Wouldn't want to "mess up," ya know?

But I wonder if that's what happens sometimes with everyone. All of us. 

When you don't feel Him...When you don't know His voice...When He isn't leading you because you're not willing to be led, do you turn to rules instead? Just to be safe. 

Or maybe you've never felt His presence. Maybe you don't think the Holy Spirit speaks because He's never spoken to you. Maybe you don't know what it's like to feel the presence of the Lord. 

I think if I had never felt Him, I would turn to rules and check marks, and religion. I would want a safety net. 

But I wonder, if you would just seek Him....really seek Him, don't you think you'd find Him and feel Him, and start to know Him? 

I think so. 

That's what I did. I got mad. I got really, really mad about a little girl. I thought it wasn't fair that she had to suffer when the Bible so clearly said that she was "fearfully and wonderfully made." But she taught me so much. She taught me about a kingdom that is so much bigger than what we see. She taught me about eternity and a God with a plan more beautiful than I could imagine. She taught me about the very short "breath" of time that we are here on this earth. 

And I sought Him, and I questioned Him, and I told Him how mad I was. 

And I found something that I didn't know I was looking for. I found an active and loving and communicative God who just wanted my attention. He wanted to show me things, but He needed me to be engaged. 

You see, a relationship is steeped in communication, and if you can't communicate with the Lord, how can you have a relationship with Him? 

There were 400 years of silence from the time that Malachi until the Angel of the Lord appeared to Mary with the promise of a Son. 

And it is that Son to whom I am eternally grateful. He is the reason we have the ability to speak to the Lord as our heart sees fit. He is the reason we get to communicate with a great and holy God. 

His name is Jesus.