The end to a Story About Timing

This is end to what I have affectionately started calling "the never ending story." It's a story about timing and trust and lots of grace and a guy named Jesus who can change us all. 

To read part one, click here.

To read part 2, click here.

To read part 3, click here.

To read part 4, click here.

To read part 5, click here.

Less than a month after we found the house we had been looking for, we moved in. It was definitely the Lord's timing and plan because there were lots of little details that had to be worked out that were all beautifully laid out for us. We were able to live in the house for 2 weeks before we officially closed (which we desperately needed to do because we closed on our old house and had to be out!).

And life moved on. We had a newborn and 2 littles, and we found ourselves settling into our forever home. We had (and still have) lots of plans to remodel certain areas of the house, but for the moment, the house was good. 

Christmas came and went. We had our first live tree, and it was huge. Like possibly too huge. It was tough to decorate. And I made sure we got a Christmas tree before we were even unpacked. Christmas was coming and I wanted it to feel like Christmas. 

We weren't hearing much about our foster babies, but what we were hearing about their momma was shocking us. There was word that the case worker was fighting hard to get rights back to the bio mom. We basically thought the case was closed and the babies were going to be adopted. We we wrong. 

It was May when we found out that the babies would be going back to their bio mom. And I was shocked. Utterly shocked. 

Not only was I shocked, I was downright ticked off. I was made at the system, and I was mad at the Lord. 

Why on Earth would He walk us all through something so hard only to have everyone disappointed in the end. I didn't think that there was any way that this was the right decision. 

Then I started to think that maybe this would be the end of it. She would get them back and something would happen (please Lord just let it be a little thing) and then they would be adopted and this nightmare would be over. 

Maybe that's what would happen. 

And my soul wrestled with it. Maybe we should have kept them. Maybe it would be different if we had them still. Who knows? I just felt like I didn't do enough. I was worried that it was somehow my fault that she was getting them back. 

On a Sunday morning at church, I was so mad I could hardly breathe. You know that kind of mad where the pressure rises up in your chest? It was that kind of mad. She was getting them back. 

And I turned my heart away from the Lord. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to feel Him. I was so angry, so I turned from him like you turn your head from your spouse when your angry. You pretend to listen, but you're really not. That's where I was with God....going thru the motions, but totally disconnected. 

And in the middle of worship, my mind and soul were flooded with the words below. They were repeating over and over in my head, and I couldn't shake them, so I jotted them down on my notebook....

And then I wrote the words....."okay." 

And with that word, I gave up the fight. I decided to let Him steer again. I decided to trust in whatever crazy plan He was scheming. It was true. They were His babies before they were ever mine. I knew He was crazy about them. His promises are strong. Those babies had so much scripture prayed over them that I was sure He could never forget them. So I let it go. 

In mid August, I saw a picture of those precious babies on facebook with the little girl that would have been their big sister if they would have been adopted. Lunch at Chick-fil-a and 3 smiling kiddos. 

I commented and noticed that the birth mom had commented as well. We weren't friends on facebook, so I sent her a friend request. 

She accepted, so of course I started stalking her feed. And she looked different. Not the strung out looking mom that she was when we had her babies. She was different. 

Her profile picture was a picture of her in the water at our church getting baptized, and on her page....her baptism certificate.

And here I am....the still skeptical one. It all looked good, and she appeared different....but was she? 

Of course I kept up checking on her via facebook, and one day, she posted about struggling with addiction since she was 15 and then hearing something that scared her to death and how she had been sober for the past 14 months and how much loved being a mommy. 

So I messaged her. I told her that I had given up on her. We opened every door for her and have her every opportunity to love her babies and be the mom she should have been, and she fell short every time, so I quit believing in her. I didn't think she could change, and I told her that. 

I told her how mad I was when I found out she was getting them back, and I sent her a picture of the words the Lord had given me that day. 

{I had no idea the work the Lord was already doing at that time.} 

She replied telling me that she understood why I gave up on her and that while we had the babies, she relapsed. When she found out we were giving them up and that they were going to a pre-adoptive home, she knew she had to fight and she had to fight hard. And that's when she started fighting. A fight to overcome addiction. A fight to change. A fight to be someone that no one believes you can be. 

And she fought. 

And I was wrong. I was so wrong about how I thought it would all turn out. I was so wrong about what our God could really do. 

Who knew that us being obedient and saying we would move to California....and being obedient and giving the babies up would make her fight. 

The Lord used the most unique timing and circumstances to change each of us involved. I needed to learn to trust in His timing. Their momma needed to learn to trust in Him for everything. 

I honestly thought that I could help her change.....that I could help her be a good momma. How stupid was I? I couldn't change her. Only Jesus could. And He did it in His timing....His way....to prove His faithfulness. 

She's not perfect. I'm not perfect. We are all far from it. But the Lord is willing to claim us even in our lowest places. He claims us in addiction and sin and pride. He doesn't care what we've done or who we've let down. He fights for us. We are His children. You are His child, even if you don't yet see it, He is fighting for you. And His timing is always perfect. And His healing can only be brought by Him. And He doesn't care about anything except your recognition of love for Him. 

I could never have written that story. This was a story meant to be written by our Heavenly Father. His stories and His timing are always the best. Always.