Parenting is a huge sacrifice. Every day you give of yourself for someone else.

Little people who need to be loved and guided in preparation for "life as we know it" rely on us as parents.

I've noticed lately that I have a tendency to slip into a very selfish mode far too often when my kids are around, and I don't like it.

I look at my phone too much or get on the computer too much or quickly glance at Pinterest.

Come on.....can someone say Amen?!

I know I'm not the only one.

Occasionally I have what I like to call, "I'm SuperMom!" parenting days.

After deciding to consider what makes those days different than all the other days of the week when I suck as a mom, I have found that the solution to being SuperMom is simple.

Pay attention to your kids and step away from the technology!

My generation is completely stuck on technology. It's like we start to have withdrawals after only a few minutes without checking some sort of status.

And please know that I am preaching to myself here! I am the worst.

But, I have noticed that my life as a parent is so much easier when I give my kids the attention they deserve and stop being so selfish with my time.

Do you struggle with this?

I don't know why it's just now occurring to me. If it's not the computer, it's my phone, or occasionally the TV.

So my solution? Make a pact with myself to stop multitasking with my kids. It's not fair to them or to me. And the honest truth is that everyone is happier when we're all in the same place at the same time (without technology taking their momma to someplace else).

Want to join me? You can do it. Go ahead....step away from the phone....

.....day 117 of a year of writing.....

Where Are You? Part 2

So last night I posted about seeking and finding God in the grocery store, ironically on the creamer aisle.

In my continued conversation with God over the past twenty-four hours, I've found myself asking Him, "Where have you been? Why have I felt alone? Where are my reassurances? Where is your gentle nudge?"

And this morning in the middle of Bible study, He said plain as day to me, "Where have you been?"

Ouch.

Oh, so true.

Where have I been lately?

Not in His word like I say I want to be.

Not disciplined with my time the way I know I can be.

Not seeking Him.

It was like last night I was fed up because He hadn't placed His reassuring hand on my shoulder in a while, and I wanted to know where He'd been. Yet in His beautiful grace, all He could say to me last night was, I love you.

But today He has challenged me.

Where have you been?

I have not been seeking Him daily.

I have not placed Him first in my day and in my time.

And I have the audacity to ask Him where He's been.

So I'm done.

I'm done expecting Him to show up when I can't get out of bed. I'm making my commitment to be intentional with my time. Intentional with my priorities. I'm placing Him first again. I know that He'll meet me wherever I am, but I want to meet Him, too.

That means it's bedtime for me. But for you, I have to share something that will undoubtedly stream tears down your face.

I just re-read it for a good cry.

Last night Brian and I started talking about great blogs, and Kelle Hampton's is one of the best I've ever read. Her words are beautiful and her pictures speak volumes.

She has two little girls. One of her girls, Nella, was born with Down Syndrome. The story of Nella's birth brought Brian and I both to tears last night.

Take a few moments. Escape from your world. And read one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. Please, Please, Please. Read it. And be blessed.

.....day 116 of a year of writing..... 

Where Are You God?

Shopping in an empty grocery store while most people are at home unwinding from their days is almost relaxing. Maybe it would have been more relaxing without the late afternoon I experienced at my house.

The day was great. Considering the little amount of sleep I got last night, I checked off almost everything on my list, and Luke and I had good play time today. I was feeling pretty good about my day.

And then it changed in an instant. It was one word screamed from a 4-year-olds mouth that flipped everything upside down, "No!"

"What did you say?!"

"No!"

And she meant it too. All I asked was that she wipe her face off. It was covered in a sticky chocolately mess from the ice cream she had just had as a snack. (Maybe ice cream as a snack was the problem.)

She stomped her foot and held her ground.

And then I challenged her. "Addison, who is in charge?"

She's a stubborn one (very much like both her mommy and daddy). She refused to answer me.

Again, "Addison, who is in charge?"

Still no budging on her side. Just a mean glare to let me know that she was serious.

"Addison, Mommy is in charge, and if I ask you to wipe your face, THEN GO WIPE YOUR FACE!"

The all caps and bold print definitely represents yelling in case you didn't catch that.

Why do I do that?

From that point on, the night was rough for all three of us. I won't indulge you with the story of the styrofoam or the slamming of the doors. (Maybe another day.) No one could get along, and no one liked anyone else, except when it was time for me to leave to go to Bible study. Then all of a sudden they loved me so much they literally would not let go of my body.

This is not just me attempting to explain to you how much they wanted me to stay. I'm serious, they were attached to me like leeches. I could not pry them off.

What a mess.

That's what I felt like tonight. A mess. A pure and simple mess.

How do I get to that point?

(I am going to take this moment to apologize to you if you just now figured out how nuts I am. Sorry to drag you along. But you get the real me. The ups and downs from day to day. You never really know what you're in for when you land here. Sorry about that! Hopefully it just makes me more real.......and hopefully you don't think I'm completely crazy.)

So after Bible study I found myself in a nearly empty grocery store with one agenda: seek Him.

Father, I ask that your presence be near to me. I need to feel You and know that this is really what You've called me to.

Because everytime I make a "mom mistake" or make a bad parenting decision, I doubt whether or not this foster care thing is the right idea. If I'm not even great with my kids, what will I do to someone else's kid?

Who do I think I am that I can take this on? I can't even handle my own kids on some days?

Those are the lies the devil tells me. The thoughts and fears and doubts that he sneaks into my head, and they're not easy to get rid of sometimes.

Up and down the aisles. Grabbing jelly and juice. Beans and tortillas. Where are You, God?

Is this really what You want me to do?

Are You sure? I need to hear it again from You.

Up and down the aisles.......cereal, granola bars, marshmallows. Where are You, God?

Would You please just come near to me? I need to feel You. I need to hear You. I need to know this is what You're asking of me.

Aisle after aisle. The same question. Where are You?

And near the end of the grocery store, after asking that question about two dozen times to my soul, I stop dead at the end of an aisle, and it hits me.

He stops me dead in my tracks.

It was the creamer case that got me. (I know that just conforms my craziness....just go with me.)

Do you have any idea how many types of creamer there are? I do. I'm a coffee freak. I've seen the creamer case a million times I'm sure, but tonight I realized that there really are an abundance of creamers in that case.

Any flavor you can imagine. Any variety. Fat free, low fat, lots of fat, all natural. You name it, they have it.

I found myself thinking that having that many types of creamers is a little over the top.

And He whispered in my ear at that moment the words I love you more.

And I laughed. And I was a little frustrated. Seriously? I've been asking You to show up all this time, and this is what You have to say? You love me more than all the varieties of creamers there are? That's all You have for me?

But He wouldn't stop. I found myself also thinking that the yogurt display was a little out of hand, too. Same story. A massive amount of variety. You name it, they make yogurt in that flavor.

And He said it again, I love you more. 

And again, all I can think is seriously?

I wanted affirmation. I wanted a word from Him. And all He comes up with His, "I love you more than creamer and yogurt"?

But He wouldn't stop. The words rang through my head over and over and over again.

I love you more. 

I love you more. 

I love you more. 

As I pushed the cart across the store to the checkout line. As I watched a sweet mother with her three beautiful children check out. As I placed each item on the belt to be rung up.

I love you more. 

I love you more. 

I love you more. 

And finally I thought to myself...."You love me more than what?"

You know what His answer is and always will be?

I love you more than everything. 

Everything? Me?

In all my sin? In all my mess ups? In all my bad parenting decisions? In my short temper? In my jealousy? In my anger?

You love me, more than everything?

I love you more than everything. 

And that was all I needed to hear tonight.

The great news is, He loves you more than everything, too. No matter what you've done. No matter where you've been. No matter what your past looks like. He loves you more than everything.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16

.....day 115 of a year of writing.....

The Sunday 7: A Christmas Edition

Even though it's late and I wish I were in bed, I've got a smile on my face and spring in my step. This weekend has been more than fruitful around the Dalke house. I've already mentioned many of the projects that took place on Friday and Saturday, but today was no exception.

Today after church, my mom and I came home to tackle even more projects around the house. The upstairs linen closets got cleaned out, the laundry is almost completely done for the week, Luke's big boy bed got put together (thanks to my handsome and talented hubby), my dining room table almost got cleaned off, and the walls in Addison's room got a re-do. And I have lots of bags and boxes to donate! Yeah! I even managed to have a short tea party with Addy and Luke in the midst of all of it.

I am felling pretty energized and accomplished. Now, of course there is still more to do. (There is probably always more to do when you're me.)

So now, even in the late hours of the evening, is the perfect time to plan out the week ahead. You know how I like to plan!

It's time for the Sunday 7. If you need a little re-cap on what the Sunday 7 is, check out this post: "When the word 'shower' gets added to your to-do list".

You know I want to know what you're doing this week. Here's a little of what I have planned. (Oh, how I feel better just sitting down to plan it!)

1. Faith: Start every morning in God's Word. To go along with that, I'm reinforcing my 11:00 p.m. bedtime (except for tonight) so that I can wake up before the kids do to get my day started.  
2. Family: Spending time with my kiddos is at the top of my list right now since there is always the thought of adding one more in the back of my head. I'm going to be intentional about our time together this week. Monday Luke and I are going to play at Bouncin' Craze and have lunch together. It'll be a fun date. He's a handsome little guy. Addy and I are going to head to Unpluggits to paint Christmas ornaments and platters to our heart's content. So much fun! Then my mom, Addy, and I are going to the Nutcracker on Sunday. 
3. Relationships:  This week I'm going to focus in on the people that God puts on my heart. I'm often so occupied with my own agenda, that I don't listen to the Holy Spirit's pull on my heart when I need to reach out to others. I'm going to be intentional about obeying when it comes to relationships this month. 
4. Christmas Prep: Well, I have about a million service projects on my plate (at least that's what it feels like), and there is a lot of planning that needs to happen this week in order to get ready for our silent auction and to evaluate what gifts we have for the Hope Link families we sponsor.  We need to figure out what we still need (more on that soon, I promise!). I also have to evaluate my Christmas shopping list. I did really great at the beginning of last week and checked a lot off the list, but there is still a lot more that needs to be done and I refuse to wait until the last minute. 
5. Scentsy (aka work): We have new leaders again in our organization, so this week will be focused on training and recognition. I've got a long list, but I won't bore you. 
6. Health and Fitness: Honestly, I'm not working out a lot lately. But I am eating really well and have lost 10 lbs, which I'm pumped about, all thanks to Weight Watchers. I do want to run this week though. If it happens once, I'm counting that as a success. I put it in my planner. I can do it!
7. Finances: The all so anticipated and enjoyable weekly budgeting of accounts has to happen tomorrow and I need to pay bills this week.  
8. Foster Care Prep: I'm buying baby furniture this week! I am so excited. Now all that's left to do is pray that our fingerprints come back soon! 
9. Downtime: Reading. Yep! I want to read for fun this week. Every night before I go to bed (at 11:00 since I have a bedtime this week). I am also planning on one nice relaxing bath. I'm not hard to please. 

So what are you doing this week?

Wondering why this is the Christmas edition of The Sunday 7?
You have to check out this video that my church produced. Makes me cry every time. It's a great reminder of why making the most out of our daily schedule really does matter. We can live in peace when we find time to place Him first in our day, first in our life, and first in our hearts.

May you be blessed.

.....day 114 of a year of writing.....

Winter Wonderland Part 1

My mom and I started the day by taking everything out of the kitchen cabinets and re-arranging it all to be more efficient and more organized. (By the way, I'm sure I could have been a professional organizer.) I love the instant gratification of making a space more efficient.

We spent all morning and into the early afternoon on that project. Then we got dressed and headed to the dress shop to pick up my sister's wedding dress. It was as beautiful as I remembered and she looked great in it.

We took Addison with us and I think she felt so special going out with the girls. She really liked the dress shop, too.

To finish off the night, we headed downtown for our annual Scentsy Director's party. We had a great time watching the OU/OSU game. The girls all got a chance to catch up and have a good time and the boys enjoyed the football game and darts.

Since it's late and I'm uninspired to write anything great (I think my feelings and emotions are all worn out from the unexpected week we had), I thought you'd like to see our crazy Christmas decorating.

I've had a few of you request pictures of the Winter Wonderland. Here are the pictures of the downstairs. The only thing I left out was our dining room table which is currently covered with laundry and all the presents I bought on Cyber Monday. It's a plain mess.

Please don't confuse the dining room table (not included) with the kitchen table, which is also covered with junk. (I'll indulge you with the upstairs on another day and be sure to include the newly re-arranged playroom.)

Here comes picture overload. And I apologize for some bad pictures. I think I need to take a class or something. :)

Behind our stove, you'll find Bluster amidst an evergreen bed of twinkle lights. 

Above my kitchen cabinets, I have this great cranberry greenery (which I'm considering leaving out all year long) and this plate which I love!
"Life was in Him and that Life was the light of men." John 1:4

One of my many nutcrackers. 

More of the nutcracker family...

On top of the fridge

Tree #1. In our den. This is the tree for the kids' ornaments. 

The stockings hung by the chimney with care.

Our elf: Snicklefritz having a little fun hanging from a Christmas Tree.

Tree # 2....the kitchen tree.  

Chandelier above our kitchen table.

Please ignore all the junk on the right side of the table. I really should have cleaned it off for you, but I was too tired to care. : )

The kitchen centerpiece amidst the junk. 

Tree # 3. The main tree. This is the tree you'd see first if you walk into my house. 

Chandelier above the dining room table. I'm not crazy about the greenery and the white stuff mixed, but I got tired of decorating and I haven't had a chance to fix it. 

Entry table with more greenery and lights. (It really is everywhere! My house kind of glows this time of year.) 

Guest bath. Yes, that's more greenery and lights. 

And more greenery. And believe me, if I could figure out a way to wire lights onto that banister without it looking tacky, I totally would! 

I had to throw in the cookies that Addy worked so hard on tonight with her aunt Knee Knee and uncle Kris while we were at our director's party. 

Hope you're having a great weekend! More tomorrow.....

.....day 113 of a year of writing.....

The Wait is Over

Well, our week of waiting to see if and when we'd get a baby that we had our hopes set on is over. (If you're lost, read the past few posts to catch up.)

This afternoon I found out that the sweet baby boy I had my heart set on went to another placement. I'm a little heartbroken, but also okay.

I'm frustrated and annoyed with the system, but I'm also a little glad that this whole situation took place.

In all reality, we were not ready for a baby.

But thanks to a very good friend who showed up at my house at 10:00 this morning, demanding that I put her to work, we knocked a lot off the list today.

I started with my closet. Since our trip to Salt Lake City, my winter clothes have been in a pile on the floor of my closet. They are now in their proper place hanging neatly in the closet and the tank tops and swimsuits have retired to Tupperwares on the top shelves.

My friend, Tamara, started in my garage where my internet shopping has left a serious mark. There were mounds of boxes and packing materials that were beginning to look like their own mountain. She broke down each box and bundled up all the stuffing and swept it off to a dumpster. What a blessing she is!

She then put together my entire Snow Village. She's awesome. Did I mention that yet?

Then we headed upstairs to make our guest bedroom into a baby room. That meant we had to tape and paint. I started taping and she headed into the playroom to start rearranging.

Our playroom is going from a playroom to a playroom/guest room. My mom comes to stay almost every weekend, and we don't know what we'd do without her, but I wanted her to still have a place where she could be comfortable. I wanted her to feel like she had her own space and not like she was sleeping amidst Barbie and Buzz Lightyear.

I think the arrangement Tamara came up with is perfect. I don't think I would have thought to arrange things the way she did. (I'll post pictures tomorrow and you can see what you think for yourself.)

Tamara vacuumed, she organized, she cleaned, she re-arranged, she painted. And then she wanted to do more!

In the midst of all this, we got the word that the baby we were preparing for wasn't coming after all. It was a letdown, it was heartbreaking, and disappointing, but it was also eye opening.

I started to see that so much of this was probably just a way to get us ready both emotionally and physically for another child coming into our home.

I ran all the scenarios through my head. I wanted that baby. I broke down and ended up on my knees before the Lord, where I haven't been in a long time, and I started to see that this would be a journey that would bring us closer and closer to the One who called us to do it.

After today, we are much closer to being ready.

The baby's room is painted and waiting for furniture.

The playroom/guest room is clean and ready for guests. Addy actually squealed today when she got home from school and saw it. And now she and my mom are up there asleep.

My closet is ready for winter. And mom and I even checked a few more things off the Christmas shopping list tonight with a late night trip to Kohl's.

I have a few more projects up my sleeve. I plan on completely reorganizing my kitchen cabinets. (I don't know if I've mentioned this or not, but when we moved into this house 2 1/2 years ago, Luke was four weeks old. There was not much thought put into the way things were unpacked. They were just unpacked. And now I want everything to work right and be in the right place.) What better time than now right?!

With plenty of projects to tackle tomorrow, I better quit rambling and hit the sack. Tamara was mad that she didn't get to clean out our garage. We sent her home (at 5:30) before she could start! The garage is definitely on the list for tomorrow.

What a blessing she is! I never would have been able to get everything done today without her. I am so-so-so grateful for a great friend and a wonderful husband who rallied around my list of to dos today.

Now we just wait for our fingerprints to come back. Just a little more waiting.

.....day 112 of a year of writing. 

Be Still

Well, it's been another full day of waiting.

Still no word. Not even a "we're working on it." Nothing.

But today I have had peace. Peace about whatever is to come. I really do believe that God's perfect plan for both our family and the baby is going to reign over this situation. I find reassurance in that.

But being the planner and preparer that I am, I am still completely out of my element.

In all honesty, we're not exactly physically ready for a baby. (If we get one tomorrow, we'll be fine. I promise.) There are just things that I would like to do that we have't done yet. For example:

I'd like to paint the guest bedroom that is soon to be the baby's room, and buy a crib and any other furniture that we need. We haven't done that yet.

We have Luke's crib still in his room, but it's soon to be his big boy bed. We just have to convert it with the rails that Brian picked up last week.

I would also like to move the bed we use as a guest bed into the playroom, and completely re-arrange that room. It's a mess right now. I need it to be multifunctional.

Oh, and the closet in the guest bedroom needs to be completely cleaned out! Maybe that's tomorrow's project. That would make me feel much better.

See, there are all these things that I want to do and that need to be done, but I'm not bringing them to the top of the to-do list for some reason. Maybe it's doubt. Maybe it's fear.

I'm not sure what it is.

That is the part that makes me the most crazy about waiting around for someone to hand me a baby. We're not really ready (in my standards of readiness anyways).

I am keeping myself busy going from one project in my house to the next though, and that makes it a little easier.

I don't know if every day we wait will get easier or just more frustrating. Probably frustrating. It's been two full days now with no word from the case worker. I guess you could call that typical.

I did find out that we are being considered as placement for another little guy who is currently in emergency care (in a home that is fantastic).  That too would be a great placement for our family. We are waiting on the Lord and His perfect timing in all of this.

I'm still worn out thinking about one more pair of socks to put on and one more little nose to wipe, but I'm ready for that. I'm ready for the change that it's going to create in our family. I know it won't be easy, but I know it will be worth it.

So tonight with all that said, I'm resting on these words:

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7

.....day 111 of a year of writing....