Remember that time I told you I was going to hold myself accountable to you and tell you what I was eating and how I was working out. Remember that? 
Well I did that for like 3 days and then that got old real quick. 
So I still weight 146 pounds which is roughly 15-18 pounds off what I consider my healthy weight. Yep, almost 9 months later, I'm still that far off. 
But I am determined. I don't feel good about my body and I don't feel healthy, and I'm pretty much still eating whatever I want and not working out regularly. Hmmmmmm.......I see a problem. 
It's not hard. I know how to do it. I just have commitment issues. 
I really just have to get back into the habit of running. Once I get back into it, I will quickly fall in love again and then I will crave running like I crave hershey kisses. (Not quite, but almost). 
I really do get into a groove where running becomes part of me, where I feel like I need it. It's an escape, a re-charge. I just have to get back there. Because I'm not in good shape, running is freaking hard right now! But I know what it's like to enjoy it, and I'm determined to return to that place asap. 
How many times have I said determined? I need an editor....

Anyways. 
I signed up for a race thanks to my friend Angi Martin. Love you. Needed that challenge. I'll buy you a margarita when I get skinny again : ) 
But you should do it too! If you live in the OKC area anyways. 
It's a 5k. It's called the Hot Mamas Run. And they told me that if your definition of "hot" is sweaty, then you're welcome too. (whew!) 

Here are all the details. And there are no boys allowed! (I don't know how they pulled that off with all that hipaa crap, but hooray!) No boys allowed! So, do it with me. 5k runs are the best! 
Even if you've never run a 5k, you can do it! Go to the app store right now, and download Couch to 5k. There are a bunch of apps. Any of them will do. And commit to "running" 3 days a week for 30 minutes at a time. (I promise you hardly run at first). 
You can do it! I can be your moral support. Seriously I mean it. 
You'll probably hate it at first. And eventually you'll run for 10 minutes straight and you'll think you've conquered the world. And then when you have to run for 20 minutes straight, you'll hate life again, but I promise it gets better! And then by the end of it all, you're stronger, and hotter, and a little bit slimmer. 
Go ahead, try it. 
Come run with me. 

Today I'm as Happy as a Bird with a French Fry

I had to leave my babies today. 

And that is hard. It's always hard. 

But today I am happier than a bird with a french fry. I mean really, it doesn't get better than this. 

Brian and I drove in the car for 12 hours today. And I have to say that I am one blessed woman. After 11 years of knowing and loving this man, I love him more now than I ever have. I consider it a huge blessing. 

We spent the entire day in the car (granted, I spent a good 4 hours sleeping with my mouth wide open, because that's how I sleep), but we spent the day in the car, and I enjoyed it. 

When we arrived in Indy, we checked into our penthouse suite at the Embassy Suites (it's a penthouse only because we are hosting our team here tomorrow). But somewhere in the past 5 years of our Scentsy experience, we have definitely become travel snobs. I don't know how it happened. I seriously think that Scentsy has spoiled us with so many free and luxurious trips, that we have somehow turned into travel snobs.....I'll tell you that story later. 

But today I am so grateful for a man who I love and love spending time with even after all these years. We are together at a Family Reunion of a company that has changed our lives. 

In all honesty, it's a company that has brought us joy, pain, fear, and peace. We have been brought to our knees and have found our marriage struggling and later thriving because of our involvement with a successful company that we now see as a family. 

This week we celebrate all of that. Who we were; who we are now; and who we will become as the Lord continues to mold and change us. 

So today, I am happier than a bird with a french fry, for many, many reasons, but mostly because of the man who stands by my side through all of it. 

Scentsy Family Reunion.....here we come! 

If you want all the details and pictures, make sure you follow us on our journey this week. 

Not the Morning I Had Planned

Well, I'm a little irritated to say the least.

Let me explain to you how big of an idiot I am.  Officially.  I know that's harsh, but read on, and you'll agree.

I set my alarm clock this morning for a time that I would usually only wake to board an early flight.

My sister and I planned to attend a 6:00 a.m. Barre 3 class. Barre 3 is a blend of pilates, yoga, and the ballet barre. I was super excited.

I must have been because I don't wake up at 5:15 a.m. for hardly anything.

I go out to my car to find it dead. Nice huh? That should have been my first sign.

Whatever.

I gather all my belongings and tote them into Brian's truck and head out. The Barre 3 studio is about a 20 minute drive from my house (on a normal day...apparently today is laid out to be anything but normal).

So on the road I go. A little irritated, but not shaken...

Now here is where you need some background.

I am horrible with directions. Ask anyone who knows me well. I can only drive to places I frequent often. Only. Period.

When I first moved to the city in college, I got so lost trying to find a certain bank that I ended up 40 minutes away from where I was trying to go. (Yep....don't drive with me.)

Thank the Lord for Google maps and navigation.

So, I looked up the address on my phone and attempted to put it in the navigation in the truck. Great plan.

Until there's construction.

I had to exit an exit earlier than I planned. I was literally only two minutes from the studio when I exited. But I wasn't sure which way to turn.

Now if you live in the Oklahoma City area, you may agree with me that the Classen exit off of I-44 west is not exactly driver friendly. It's confusing. Well, it's confusing to me anyways.

I took one wrong turn and ended up on I-44 east. If you've been reading carefully, you'll remember that I just exited off of I-44 west. I do not want to be on I-44 east. Especially before the sun comes up.

I end up by the State Capitol building, and then the truck navigates me to downtown OKC (not even close to where I'm trying to go).

At this point, I'm already late.

I keep pressing on though. Convinced that I will not let this one wrong turn (which turned into multiple wrong turns) define my day.

I finally get to the studio. Twenty minutes late. The door is locked. And rightfully so. It's still dark outside.

I walk back to the truck defeated.

On the way home, I attempt to ponder why on earth I needed that experience this morning.

And you know what? I did not receive any sort of divine explanation. Nothing.

Have you ever made one wrong turn that turned into many and then wondered what the lesson was? Usually we just become frustrated and defeated.

I made it home an hour after I left the house originally with an extreme frustration over the wasted hour I spent in the car.

I immediately hit the pavement running.

I knew I just needed to run it out.

I don't know how far or how long I ran. I just ran.

And even though I was still expecting some revealing explanation to my lost morning, I got nothing.

Nothing except peace.

And you know what? I'll take peace any day.

I'm actually smiling as I type this. Not exactly sure why.

I guess I just trust that there is much more than I know.

Peace even in a snowball of wrong turns and wasted time. I guess that's all God's really asking for. Unending trust and peace in His plan.

I'm game. Peace it is.

Bring on the day.

Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. 
~ 1 Cor. 2:14

.....day 34 of a year of writing....

Today We Ran...the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon 2011

Today we ran to remember. Today we ran for a purpose. Though the rain streaked down from the sky for the entire 13.1 miles, we ran together for the 168 lives lost in the Oklahoma City bombing of 1995.

"Faith, love, and goodness will always prevail over evil" were the words spoken before the race started as over 10,000 participants tried to take in the significance of the moment. For a moment we stood as one. For a moment we were united. And for a moment we all ran together for the same purpose....to remember.

And then we ran. Cold and wet, but united.

My 1st half marathon was nothing like I expected it to be. Amidst thousands of people, I felt alone. It was just me and God. I ended up running 4 or 5 miles with a lady I met while we were running, and I found comfort running next to her. We eventually lost track of each other, but many times during the race, I remember what it felt like to run beside her.

I felt my soul tell me many, many times, "be still, I am with you." And so I would be still (on the inside of course.)

And over and over again, my mind wandered back to the reason we were running together in the 1st place. For the 168 lives lost in an attack against our city and our nation. When it got hard or I wanted to stop, I thought about that day. About the way that I felt. I will never be able to erase it from my mind. April 19th will live forever in my soul.

I ran today for those who can't, for those who are no more. I found strength repeatedly in my God whom I've come to know through many days on the road in the quiet.

When my knee started hurting around mile 5, I couldn't help but question, "Why would you let this happen now? I've never had knee problems. I've never struggled to run distance. Why today of all days?"

But when I think about, suffering is what this day was about. I learned that the woman who I ran with for part of the race, had once broken her leg (and then I thought, "wow, impressive, Allison, you're pacing with a woman who once broke the bone in her leg that she is now running on.") We all hurt whether physically or emotionally; there wasn't a runner on the road today who didn't suffer through part of the race.

I had to trust that He would get me there. I found myself quoting scripture to myself, lifting my hands to Him when I really needed a push, and even crying at the beginning as we all set off to finish the race strong to show that love really will prevail.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" 2 Timothy. 4:7.

"Anything is possible to him who believes." Mark 9:23

Over and over again I told myself, "I am not afraid." I've never run through pain like I did today, but there was no way that I was going to stop.

And as I came to the last 3 miles, my heart would say, "you're almost there, you've done it!" something else inside me would say, "you can't do it anymore. You're hurt and alone. Just stop." And over and over again, I felt God reassure me, letting me know that I was not alone. When I crossed the finish after 2 hours and 18 minutes on the road, I was emotional. I wanted to finish under 2 1/2 hours and even with my knee pain, I did it.

I thought I would feel like a million bucks when I was done, but I felt like I was going to die. I limped through the food lines, soaking wet and freezing. My sister and I met up, and she walked ever so slowly with me back to the car, where it was almost impossible to warm up.

I'm ready for more. I know this is just the beginning. And what a race to start with.

Today we ran together. Today we ran for love. Today we ran to remember.  And yes, faith, love, and goodness will always prevail over evil.

Preparation vs. Fear (and why preparation always wins)

Today I set out to do something I've never done before, and I almost let fear stop me from doing it. My plan to prepare for the 1/2 marathon I'm running on May 1st were to run a long run of 10 miles this week and then another long run of 13.1 next week before the race next Sunday.

The farthest I have ever run is 7 miles, so I was really nervous about attempting to run 10 today. I think my biggest fear was simply that I couldn't do it. I have a huge fear of failure!

Obviously by now you know that I'm a planner. I like to be prepared for things. So in preparation for my run today, I loaded my fuel belt with a small bottle of water and a small bottle of Gatorade. I added some energy jelly beans and a few pieces of gum to the small pack attached to my fuel belt. I slid my credit card into the arm band that holds my phone, put my ID bracelet on (in case I get hit by a car, at least the paramedics will know who to call), and finally double knotted my running shoes. I mapped a route on the computer and made some lunch.

I chugged a couple of Gatorades during my tuna sandwich lunch and started feeling ready! And then doubt set in...

What if I really need water and I run out? What will I do?!
Answer: That's why you have your credit card. You'll pass a Walgreens or a convenience store on every corner. You can walk in a get one!

What if I start to lose energy?
Answer: Pop a couple of energy jelly beans and go on your way.

What if I have to pee?
Answer: See answer to concern #1. Stop somewhere. Duh.

And the doubts went on and on; one after the other.

Sometimes the hardest part is taking the first step. Have you ever noticed that?

But if you do some careful preparation, it's a lot easier to convince yourself to take that 1st step.

For example, my Scentsy journey was very similar. I was worried that I would not be able to sell a single candle to anyone. What did I do? I prepared.

I read everything I could get my hands on. I watched every training I had access to, and I scheduled my business launch party as that first step out the door. I prepared what I was going to say; what I wanted the display to look like; what kind of food we would have. I thought it all out and got it all ready.

Then the 1st step became a little easier.

The same is true when I have to speak on stage. If I'm not prepared, I become a nervous wreck! (and rightfully so!) But when I've thought out what I want to say and the message I want everyone to walk away with, it's so much easier to stand on stage and speak.

So......I have to ask....
What is fear stopping you from doing?

And what can you do to prepare to take the 1st step to overcome that fear?

Preparation makes a huge difference. It often makes us or breaks us. It helps us succeed. The lack of it often aids us in failing.

What preparation do you need to make? What 1st step have you been putting off?

Back to that 10 mile run. I took the first step. And I took it confidently knowing that I was prepared for whatever situation presented itself.

And to my surprise, I ran faster and felt better than I ever have on a run! I ran 10 miles averaging 8 minutes 40 seconds per mile. What I thought was going to take me close to 2 hours, actually only took me 1 hour and a half.

And to top it off, when my run tracker announced that I had successfully run 10 miles, I cried. Yep. Sure did. I don't know why. I guess because I thought I couldn't do it.I walked for a while and cried.

Then I decided to run some more. I ended up running 11 miles instead of 10. And I have to say, it all started with a little preparation. It set my mind in the right gear. It allowed me to fight against doubt and fear. And because of a little preparation, I ended up finishing better than I expected to.

Eliminate your fears and doubts with a little prep time and find out what you can do better than you ever expected. 

So Today....

So today was interesting to say the least.

I took Luke into the doctor. He's been running a fever for a couple days now. Of course, I was running late on the way to the doctor. And by late, I mean 20 minutes late. Great huh?

We get to the doctor, and they agree to see us, but we'll have to wait. Okay, great. Just glad they're going to see us.

So we wait. Of course, Luke has a double ear infection. We leave with prescription in hand and head out to the car. Luke was holding both Buzz (Lightyear, that is) and Woody in his hand. Unfortunately, when we get to the car, I realize that we no longer have Woody. I strap Luke in the car, turn the car on, shut the door, and head back into the doctor's office to find the lost cowboy.

I come out, Woody in hand....do you see yet where this is going?

I go to open the door, and it's locked. And so are all the other doors. Ah, good. That's great. My phone, my purse, my baby are all in the car. Luckily, we recently changed doctors. Our doctors' office is literally about 3 blocks from our house.

So at this point, with my baby locked in the car, I have a decision to make. And here is what I came up....I should run home to get the extra set of keys.

Brilliant huh?!

For some random reason, I decided to put my running shoes, leggings, and a t-shirt on this morning when I got dressed. I hardly ever wear stuff like that unless I plan on running....which I did not plan on doing today.

Until I locked my kid in the car.

This was my thought process.

Okay, I can run home to get the extra set of keys quicker than anyone can meet me here. So what did I do? I ran home. With Woody in hand.

I just knew someone would drive by and I could flag them down to make my trip quicker. Did any neighbors drive by? Of course not. So I ran.

I get home. Open the garage door. Grab the keys, and then decide that I should ride a bike back (that would be faster!)

Unfortunately, of the 3 bikes in our garage, all the tires were flat. So out the garage I go. (Still with Woody in hand...not sure why I didn't leave him at home, but I didn't.)

Now, I guess you could say this is why I've been running. But I was feeling super out of shape on my 3 block trek home. I was running much faster than my normal pace!

I just knew that when I got back to the doctor's office, my child would be screaming at the top of his lungs, there would be a nurse (or all the nurses for that matter) at my car, calling DHS on me. I just knew it.

Luckily when I got back, Luke was not crying. He was fine. He did look a little confused. He was probably sitting in his car seat saying, "hit pay" which translates to "hit play" on the DVD player. Poor kid had to watch the menu screen the entire time I was on my little jog.

There were no nurses standing around the car ready to judge me for leaving my child in the car while I took a jog home. (I figured if I couldn't get in, then no one else could either.)

Needless to say, I think that's all you need today. Turns out I'm now in the "real mom" club. I guess they don't let you in until you lock a kid in the car. Who knows.

I ate half a sleeve of girl scout thin mints and a diet vanilla pepsi for lunch. Calling it a day.

Hope that one made you smile. True story.

When your mind gets in the way of your best intentions

 So today, so far, has been one of those days. I day where my mind has been overwhelmed with the uncertainties of life. Things that don't really matter and that aren't worth the worry but that I let overcome me occasionally.

I set out to run 7 miles this morning and could barely go 3. I've run 5 miles for two days in a row and felt great both times. But today my mind wouldn't let go. I couldn't find freedom on the road like I usually do.

I'm overwhelmed with the thought of our taxes. We understand that we're going to owe a lot of money to the IRS, and we're okay with that. We've given when God has prompted us to give and we've done so generously, so I know that it will all work out, but I still find it all over my mind. And it makes me mad. I don't think taxes are worth the worry. I know the devil is creating doubt in my mind.

Then I found out today that one of my dear friends may be having her 2nd NKH baby. (for more information on NKH go to http://www.nkh-network.org/) The family that has brought me to a place of understanding and faith in God, now faces the uncertain diagnosis of the possibility of 2 NKH babies. All I could do was fall to my knees.

I know our God is good. I know that He can do what He says He can do. And I know that I will not fully understand until I see His face. I look at Him through the eyes of a child, often with confusion, sometimes with anger, but always with Love.

And today the only thing I know to do is pray. To seek Him. To lift to Him the things that really matter like healthy babies.

What a swift awakening to the things that really don't deserve the worry of my mind. I am making the rest of my day one full of pray that will be lead by my heart, not by my stupid head. I refuse to let the devil rein there. I refuse to allow Him in to fill my mind with insignificant matters of this world.

I refuse to let my mind get in the way of my best intentions. I will set my focus on the things that matter. On the love of a savior who lived for us, no matter how much we will never deserve His grace, we have it.

Walking (or running) with God

 Yesterday I headed out for a 5 mile run. With the 1/2 marathon less than 1 month away, I'm really far behind, and plan on doing my best to catch up on mileage this week and get back into my routine.

Running has become a time of prayer and God seeking for me. I realize that sounds kind of weird, but I don't really care. It's true.

So yesterday, I started running and telling God to fill me up; to use this time to show me what He wanted me to do. I really wanted some answers about the possibility of another baby in our lives whether it be through adoption or by us having another one. I just wanted a better idea of what He wants for us and what kind of time frame He had in mind.

However, a baby is apparently not what God wanted to talk about. Before my run was over, I was planning a call to Christ in my head, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

When Brian first went into youth ministry, he asked if I would ever want to do the call to Christ aka "the close" after the message. I said yes, and he immediately asked, "next week?" Then I said, NO! That was a long time ago, and it was always in the back of my mind that one day I should stand on that stage and encourage kids to ask Christ into their hearts.

At the time it felt like a lot of pressure. I didn't want to screw up, and honestly I don't know that my faith was strong enough to do it, but after yesterday's run, I had complete peace about the idea of it.

Last night I told Brian that I was ready to do the call to Christ whenever he needed me to. He said, "like tomorrow?" And I don't think he expected me to say it, but I said, "yeah." I've never been on stage in Yukon and most of the kids don't even know who I am. I usually sit in the office and write Brian's e-mails for him during the service.

We both agreed that since we were starting our new "Weird" series that it would be perfectly weird and acceptable for me to be on stage for the first time to do the call to Christ. Interestingly enough, never once did I get nervous. It was a peace that I can't explain. It was like I knew God had asked me and prepared me to do it, so I wasn't afraid.

Today was a great day. I was at peace and thought a lot about how I wanted to connect with the kids. I've never felt so calm about being on stage in front of people. I wish I could better explain it to you.

All I can say is that truly amazing things happen when you seek God and follow Him. Unfortunately I think so many of us struggle with our "walk with God." It's like we think if we're not reading our bible and praying those formal "dear heavenly Father" prayers, then we're not seeking Him. But that's not really want He wants from us anyways. He wants intimacy and trust. He wants us to rely on Him, and the truth of the matter is that most of us don't. It's a lot easier to make decisions for ourselves than to seek God's advice before proceeding.

One thing I've learned about "walking with God" is that it doesn't have to be stuffy and formal. God wants you, not some pre-planned prayer. He wants your doubts and your fears and your anxieties and your joys and your successes all together. He wants you to talk to Him like you talk to your best friend.

Andrew Womak talks about prayer as a constant conversation with God. He relates it to spending the day with your spouse. Even when you're with someone all day long, you don't talk to them every second of the day. You do other things; you answer the phone; you eat; you might shop, or see a movie; but when you go to say something to your spouse, you can simply ask a question or start a new conversation. That's the kind of relationship God wants with us. He knows we have kids and work and dinner to make (He blessed us with all the joys of family!). He just wants to be present (He is whether we acknowledge Him or not!) everyday through everything. And more than anything, He wants to be acknowledged. He wants us to seek His advice and His will for us. He loves us even when we don't, but He desires for us to allow Him into every piece of our lives.

I guess it was about time I posted something other than organization. But this too is organizational. It's the concept of a time effective, everyday, all day, walk with God. Anyone can do it. Anyone can acknowledge Him. I simply challenge you to do it more often and see what opportunities He blesses you with. After yesterday, I know I'll be asking Him to use me a whole lot more. I'll take that kind of intentional peace any day. 

Things You Think You Can't Do- Like Exercise Regularly (for Sunday, March 20th)

So lately I have been pretty consistent about running. I've gotten into a good habit and I enjoy being out on the road.

But it was not always like that. After having children, there were times I thought that I would never exercise again. As a mom, you never get enough sleep, you have to drive everyone else to their activities, and you don't seem to have an extra second in your calendar. Or you have babies, and when they actually are asleep (which is rare) you're doing the best you can to re-gain your sanity by picking up your house, grabbing something to eat besides goldfish, or attempting to catch up on a few minutes of sleep before the baby monitor goes off again.

I've lived both lives and wondered how I would ever find time to exercise regularly. I tried a million things: Pilates videos that I was going to do 3 days a week while my kids were napping; a gym membership where I swore I would drop my kids off in the childcare center and do some cardio a few days a week; and I even tried Zumba (which I really did love!).

One of the main problems with all of it was that there was never anything that called to me. Nothing that made me want to go work out except thinking about bikini season, and really that just made me mad enough to want to eat chocolate in spite of bathing suits.

One of the reasons I was drawn to the Couch to 5K program was because of its simplicity, and I really liked the idea of being a runner.

But when it came down to starting the program, I was a little unmotivated as usual. My best advice: bribe yourself!

My first bribes for working out regularly went something like this:
Run 3 days out of the week: get a pedicure....don't run 3 days= no pedicure :(
Run 3 days the next week: open a bottle of wine...don't run= no vino :(
Run 4 days a week for 2 weeks straight: new jeans!
Etc....

My bribery works for me, but it depends on how good you are at bribing yourself and whether or not you'll stick to it. It helps to have someone in on the bribe to keep you accountable. And it doesn't have to be running, but anything you do in terms of exercise 3 days a week on a regular basis has more than just health benefits. Regular exercise can clear your mind, give you peace, and help you create focus in your day to day life.

Now bribing may work for motivation, but the other kicker for most of us: TIME!
Who has the time?! It turns out that most of us do. It's a choice we make. I recently found a study that said that the average Facebook user spends 7 hours a month on Facebook. That's just over 2 hours a week. There is your hour and a half to spend 30 minutes, 3 days a week exercising.

Even if you're not a huge facebook user, there are plenty of other things that suck up our time: TV, internet browsing, online games, etc. We have time. It's just a matter of managing it better and managing it intentionally.

The 3rd problem for a lot of people after finding the motivation and the time is simply: what kind of exercise to do!
My best suggestion is to find something you love. I know that sounds crazy! But you can love something like exercise that's good for your mind, body, and soul. Research, experiment, and try, try again until you find something that you actually like doing.

Running works for me because I can do it anywhere at anytime and it's incredibly simple. I was really bad at it at first and it hurt to do it 3 days a week. My knees used to hurt sooooo bad every time I went out! But it will probably be like that with anything you start doing. Don't expect to be good at first. Don't expect to love it at first. Set a goal to exercise for 3 days a week for a month straight and see where it takes you.

You can exercise regularly no matter how much you think you can't.

Remember...

The crazy thing about the things we think we can't do is that the things we usually think we can't do are the things that we have the most potential to be truly successful at.

What do you fear? What are you preventing yourself from being great at? The things that you are supposed to be great at should scare the heck out of you. Really. Whatever you're fearful of, is where you have a true potential to shine.

Take a leap of faith, and do things you think you can't do. You'll be surprised at where you'll go, who you'll meet, and what your life will look like afterward.

Do things you think you can't do...like exercise regularly. And may you find peace along the way.

Sometimes Slower is Better

We live in a world where the faster you do something, the better. The faster you make it through college, the better. The faster you climb the corporate chain, the better. The faster you get find the right guy, the better. The faster you settle down, the better. The faster you run, the better.

Or at least that's what the world tries to tell us. Everything around us is fast paced, but that doesn't mean it's the best way to live. We all tend to become wrapped up in fast paced life from time to time. We start to become enthralled in everything around us, and we have to move fast to keep up.  

This whole idea spurred from a run tonight. It was the first time I had run in a week due to our trip to Vegas and me being sick. I set out to run 4 miles in 45 minutes. That's very do able for me at the pace I usually run, but it's nowhere near fast.

Unfortunately, God had other plans. At 27 minutes, I had only run 2 miles instead of almost 3. My average pace was over 12 minutes. (I never go over 10 1/2!) And until I checked my progress, I was feeling good....probably because I was almost walking instead of actually running.

But at 30 minutes, I looked into the sky and watched a star fall farther than I have ever seen one fall. And I smiled.

I realized then that my run tonight was not about speed. It was not about distance, pace, or time. It was about slowing down and re-focusing. It was time to think and re-charge. If I had not been running so incredibly slow, I never would have been in the place I was at the time I was to see that star fall from the sky. It turns out that sometimes slower is better, especially in a world where we go from one thing to the next often without blinking.

In the fast paced society we live in, we all need to have something that slows us down intentionally. Something that we can escape to and re-charge through.

Ironically tonight, my slow down was a run....what's yours?

The Middle

Today I set out to run 7 miles. I know. Why? Just keep reading...
I started out strong, feeling good and moving quickly. I remember thinking very seriously, "I was born to do this." (ha!) Just a couple miles into the run, I no longer believed that "I was born to do this." It was more like, "I will die, if I keep doing this!"

It seems that there are lots of things we tackle in life by starting off strong, like: starting a business, having kids, and yes, even deciding to run a half marathon. When we start something new, it's usually with great enthusiasm and excitement. We begin with confidence and courage knowing that we're doing what we're supposed to be doing and that we'll succeed.

But before we know it, the middle begins. During the middle, we begin to wonder whether what we're doing is even remotely close to what we're supposed to doing. We start to doubt whether or not we can actually succeed. We start to tear ourselves down.

In the middle of a run, instead of focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, I often start looking for any (and every) reason to quit: "It's too windy today." "I am not a runner....who am I kidding?" "There is too much traffic. I'll have to stop at all the lights. What's the point in that?" and so on and so on. My heart knows that I can reach my goal, but my mind and my body start to work against my heart to sabotage it with doubt.

I've seen dozens of people do the same thing when they find themselves in the middle of their business. They start to think to themselves, "I don't deserve this." "I'm not good enough to make it to the top." "I don't have the time or energy to keep this up."

The middle is also a place where we often allow comparisons to beat us down. Today as I was running, I saw an African American male running towards me with extreme confidence and power. And you know what I did?! I let my mind start comparing!? I starting thinking, "Look at him. He's got an amazing pace." "He looks so comfortable." "I could hardly hear him breathing when he ran by!" Are you kidding me?!

What I should have been thinking was, "He obviously didn't birth 2 kids." "I'm sure he doesn't run a successful business, and cook dinner and do the laundry and run his kids all around town." But I wasn't thinking that! I was comparing my running ability to the running ability of an 20 something African American Male. I mean really?! If we want to talk about athletic ability, he surely had me beat! Why do we do that to ourselves?

We do the same thing with our parenting skills. I think we all start with this super human confidence. Baby number 1...easy. Baby number 2....not quite so easy. Baby number 3....I can only imagine. We get in the middle of parenting, and we start comparing ourselves.

There are far too many times that I have been at McDonald's in the playplace and yelled at (I mean gently disciplined) one of my children, and not 2 seconds later I'm looking around at all the other "perfect" moms with their "perfect" kids. They didn't have to discipline their kids in front of God and everyone at McDonald's. But we know they don't have perfect kids, and we know they aren't perfect moms, yet we can't help but compare ourselves.

One thing I do know about the middle is that you will be tested over and over again while you're there. You've got to be doing what you're doing for the right reasons. And the best way to get through the middle is slow and steady.

Most things worth doing are not easy. Most things worth doing are challenging both mentally and physically. And most things worth doing simply take putting one foot in front of the other over and over again until you reach the end where your hard work and determination will pay off. Whether it's in your business, as a parent, or on the road, step by step is often the best way to get to the end where you are sure to be reminded of why you started in the first place. 

Part 1: Things You Think You Can't Do- Like Run

This morning was a great morning for me. I finally hit the rumored "runner's high" that I was coming to believe did not exist. Until today, the farthest I had ever run without stopping was 4.5 miles, and this morning I ran 6, and I could have easily kept going.

Now if I were to have read this on someone's blog a year ago before I started running, it would have made me sick! Seriously who runs? And who has time to run?

I thought all these things and more before I started running. Last March I was introduced to a program called Couch to 5K. I was having a lot of trouble getting back into an exercise routine even a year after having my 2nd baby. With Couch to 5K, you only have to commit to 30 minutes, 3 days a week. I thought I'd try it. The great thing is, it works! After only 2 months of the program, I could go out at any time and run 3 miles. And for the record, before I started Couch to 5K, I never ran! Never! Not in high school or college, not even occasionally at the gym. I despised running!

One of my faults is that once I start something, I either have to go all in or not even bother. Absolute success or absolute failure. There is no middle ground for me.

When I started considering trying to run, there were a million reasons I told myself that I couldn't. Here are just a few:

• You've never been a runner.
• You don't like to run.
• You hardly have time to shower. Why do you think you'll have time to run?
• You're not strong enough. 
• You can't really run a 5K. That's ridiculous.

These are all the things that went through my mind; all the reasons I though I couldn't do it. But I knew there was something missing in my life. I wasn't happy with my body and therefore not very interested in fulfilling my wifely duties; I was constantly worried about my kids; I felt overwhelming pressure about my how people viewed me as a Scentsy SuperStar Director; and the list goes on and on. There was definitely something missing. Being a dancer in high school and college, fitness was a huge part of my life, and all of a sudden, that was gone.

So I slowly started. And by slowly, I mean slowly. The great thing about Couch to 5K is that the first time you go out, I think you run a total of 6 minutes out of the 30 you're on the road. It's fabulous!

I felt empowered, energized, and free. Now, just a year later, I feel like I've actually arrived as a runner. I find peace, solitude, prayer, and my own sanity when I'm out on the road. No, I don't have time to do it, but I've made the time. I get up 3 days a week at 6:00 am to go out for at least an hour.

The crazy thing about the things we think we can't do is that the things we usually think we can't do are the things that we have the most potential to be truly successful at.

There are 3 things that I originally thought I could never do, that I am doing now and doing fairly well (in my opinion):
1. running a business
2. being a spiritual leader
3. being a distance runner

There were reasons I thought I couldn't do each of them to begin with, but sometimes our greatest potential comes from our greatest fear.

What do you fear? What are you preventing yourself from being great at? The things that you are supposed to be great at should scare the heck out of you. Really. Whatever you're fearful of, is where you have a true potential to shine.

Take a leap of faith, and do the things you think you can't do. You'll be surprised at where you'll go, who you'll meet, and what your life will look like afterward.

Do the things you think you can't do...