I have lately been so bombarded with the lie of perfection that I think I mentioned a few days ago.

The Lord has been working on me so much over the past week when it comes to tearing down the wall of lies built up around me concerning perfection.

Our pastor, Craig Groeschel, just wrote a new book called Altar Ego that is about becoming who God says we are. He mentioned in his 1st sermon over the book on Sunday how we are constantly comparing our "behind the scenes" to everyone else's highlight reels.

No one ever takes pictures of their dirty house to post on facebook. There are only pictures of smiling kids on instagram. From the pictures many of us post on social media, you'd think we all have it together all the time.

But this is so far from the truth. It's one of the lies the devil would like us to believe.....everyone else is perfect....you're the only one who can't get it together.

They're all lies. But we walk around believing them. We keep comparing our worst to everyone else's best. That's not fair at all.

So to combat this issue, I thought I should show you some behind the scenes.

This is my laundry room on Sunday night. Days and days worth of clothes. In my "perfect" world (the one I would post about on facebook) I would do a load of laundry a day and those clothes would get put away every night and all would be perfect inside our picket fence. Ha!

But it doesn't work that way. I do 1-2 loads a day, but they don't always get put away. That's just the reality. So instead of feel bad about it, I decided to come up with a plan that would end in a "small win" for me. A small win is something that is easily done that helps you feel better about the work you've done and the time you've invested in something. (Small wins also work great in your business, but that's a post for another day). 

 

My small win looks like this: Every Sunday, I know there is going to be a collection of clean clothes in the laundry room. So instead of beating myself up about the things I'm not doing every day of the week (putting away the clean clothes), I come up with a plan that allows me to win in the end.

Sunday is my zero out day. That means everything starts over at zero on Sunday. I may not get the clean laundry put away throughout the week, but I know that on Sunday I will. When it all gets put away on Sunday, it becomes a small win for me. I feel good about what I've done, and I have a fresh start to my week.

I know this sounds so simple. But I think we too often beat ourselves up about what we think we should be doing instead of searching out systems that work better for us.

I've had a long standing tradition of synching all my calendars on Sunday. You may know this from the Sunday 7 and Daily Planning posts I've made in the past. Every Sunday, I sit down and plan out all those "small wins" I want to make happen throughout the week. Every Sunday is a fresh start with a new plan and a new perspective. 

So from here on out, I'm done with the race to perfection. Instead I'm focused on those small wins that lead to larger wins that ultimately lead to a life well lived.

My small win goals this week are:

• make the bed everyday this week
• run 5x 
• write 3x
• get in God's word 5x 
• make memories with my kids
• love my husband
• do today well (everyday) 

They're little things that matter so much.

Where would you like to see small wins in your life this week? Remember that small wins lead to bigger wins, and when we focus on the small wins, we eliminate the desire to reach perfection.

Screw perfection. Doing today well is all that really matters. 

It's time

I think it's time.

I have been battling this weird pressure about writing lately. It's why I haven't written in so long.

I've been worried about what I write being good.

Since when have I cared about that?!

I think before, it was all about this pact I had with the Lord. I would write every day. No matter what. That pact took away all the pressure of being perfect (or even making sense for that matter).

Maybe I've been struggling with the lie of perfection in everything lately.

3 months post baby, I think I need my body back, and my routine back, and normalcy back. (What is normalcy anyway?)

But thanks to a good friend, I feel better tonight about the lie that perfection is.

I spoke at Spring Sprint 2 days ago, and I have not felt good about my presentation at all. I don't know why, but I got uncharacteristically nervous. Then as I was walking out on stage, the paramedics wheeled out a woman on a stretcher. (I seriously didn't know what to do!), and I just got all thrown off my speaking game.

I think I made a couple bad jokes, and then I had no good closure at all. I think I literally said something to the effects of "and that's all I have."

Seriously?!

Come on! I'm like a champion at good closes.

I should have just closed the thing out in prayer....but ya know, we can't always be on our A game I guess.

Anyways, I just have been feeling less than great about my presentation.

And then tonight, a good friend posted on my facebook page about how impacted her team was by the presentations at Spring Sprint, and how they've been booking parties like crazy! (which is what I talked about). And I suddenly felt so much better about myself, and the words I shared, and everything else.

It's amazing to me how much impact one person's words can have.

And it made me realize, that it's time to put words on a page again.

Not because I have anything brilliant to say, but simply because I love to write.

Looking back at my year of writing, I was completely changed by the process of writing and being open to what the Lord had for our family. So I think it's time again.

Time to be open and honest and encouraging and helpful and real.

That's all I really want to do.

You may never learn how to craft on this blog. But hopefully you'll realize that there are other people out there like you with the same struggles and doubts and fears, and that when we do life together, we're a lot more powerful against all that evil that comes our way.

The lie of perfection is what keeps us closed up and afraid to share. And when we stay closed up and don't share, we start to believe that no one else understands what we're going through or that no one else has the same struggles we do. And all those things are lies.

I'm not guaranteeing you anything close to perfection in my words. Don't expect it.

But you can expect my words to be real and honest and open.

A mom, a wife, a friend, a business owner, a teacher, a student, a child of God. That's all I know how to be. And I don't do any of them perfectly, but I do all of them the best that I can.

And in these words will lie the story of them all.

It's time to begin again.....let's kill the lie of perfection together....won't you join me?

The ballet and a Battle and Fear and God

The ballet. It's full of beauty and talent and art.

This Saturday, we honored our Christmas tradition of seeing the Nutcracker ballet. It was beautiful and artistic and full of talent as always, but this weekend it was different.

When tragedy strikes, even those things which are beautiful often become clouded by fear.

Tonight I sit at my desk in my new office in our new house, and none of those "new things" matter.

What does matter are the 2 post it notes stuck to my desk written on by my 5 year old kindergartener. Earlier tonight, she was playing "school" with her uncle Matt.

These past few days have made me look at scribbled on post-it notes in a whole new light. I have looked at my children differently this weekend, as I'm sure you have too.

If you're like me, it happened to you. You imagined it for a moment. You let the scenario creep into your mind as you placed yourself in the shoes of those parents who waited for children who never came back.

I can't even write it without tears falling from my eyes. It's too much. Too much for anyone to imagine let alone live through. And with the brutal reality of this past week's shooting, comes fear.

I have read many of your posts on facebook and twitter. Posts of fear.

Fear is the sword with which the devil fights. He uses fear to creep into our minds and our lives, and he attempts and often succeeds at controlling us through fear.

Interestingly enough, do you know what the #1 command in the Bible is?

Do not fear.

Fear not.

Be not afraid.

He says it over and over and over again.

It's not just a suggestion. It is a command. His greatest command to us. Yet we live intimately with fear, cherishing it so much that we often can't shake it.

Do not be afraid is a command that most of us have a hard time abiding by.

I recently worked through a bible study by Beth Moore over the book of Esther. It was an incredible study. But there was one video session that has literally changed my life, and it was all about fear. That lesson is where these thoughts gain their strength.

When I think about the events of last week, I can't keep my mind from wandering to the "what ifs." What if it had been here? What if it had been someone I know? What if it had been one of mine?

What if?

Fear lives through the what ifs that often overtake our minds.

Those worst case scenarios that we allow to consume our thoughts....that's where fear lives, and that's where the devil wins.

There has been a lot of talk about home schooling since the shooting. Is it what we should do? Is it what the Lord commands us to do? Many would say yes.

I'm not here to debate public or private school vs homeschooling. I honestly don't know what's right. But I do know without a doubt that what is right for one family may not be right for another.

But after a school shooting like this, everything in me wants to wrap my children up warm and snug in my bed and never let them leave me.

But the reality is, tragedy happens.

It happens in schools, in movie theaters, and even at the grocery store.

The thought of one of those tragedies is enough to make you want to lock your kids up in your house forever and never let them leave. But thinking about the reality of them all together is enough to push any of us over the edge and beg for Jesus to return to save us from our own fear.

If we let it, fear can consume us.

In Beth's session on fear, she talks about taking your "what ifs" aka your worst fears and pushing through them all the way to the end.

For example, this weekend, I have had to work through this one many times....(please note, this is not an easy read).

What if I waited for her to come running into my arms and she didn't come back? (I am now sitting at my desk sobbing. And I'm sorry if you are too, but I want you to read the rest of this.)

Beth explains that she had a moment with the holy spirit when she was consumed by fear...by those what ifs, and the holy spirit lead her to work through it like this. (And obviously I have no idea what this would be like. I can only imagine....and that is torture enough, but hopefully this resonates with someone tonight.)

So what if that were me?

Then what?

Well, then I would lose it. I would probably scream and sob and they would have to put me on some kind of medication. I would be in shock. I wouldn't know what to do. I would hate everyone and everything, and I would be mad at God.

Then what?

I would grieve. I would mourn. I wouldn't want to get out of bed. I would still be mad and hate the world. I'd feel like I had nothing to live for anymore.

Then what?

Then eventually I'd have to be a momma to my other babies. I would have to talk to them. I would have to explain things. I would try to do it well, but I would cry. I would cry and cry and cry.

Then what?

I think I would get tired of crying. I think I would get tired of feeling. I would probably battle depression.

Then what?

I guess eventually I'd have to talk to God about it. I would open my bible and lay my face on it and sob. I would wish it were someone else. I would ask Him why it had to be us.

Then what?

Then what?

Then what?

I don't really know what. I can't walk through what it would feel like. I don't know what, but I do know who.

If my greatest fear were to become reality, then GOD.

Then God.

I don't know what else or who else, but I know God. And I know my God. And I know life is not fair. I also know we were not made for this world. This is just a moment for us. "We are but a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes." (James 5:14)

But if my greatest fear becomes reality, then my God will take care of me.

We can't just trust Him to make sure our greatest fears don't come true....We have to learn to trust Him no matter what.

And if my worst fears come true.....then GOD.

Then God, then God, then God.

He tells us not to fear. He tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us.

I know that if I were ever to lose a child, I would probably feel like he had left me and forsaken me. But I know this, He will not leave or forsake those grieving parents. Believers or not, he will chase after them in an effort to comfort them and bring them peace.

I understand so very little about His plan. He has this all worked out you know? And in the end, the good guy wins.

I have to remind myself of this promise often when I let fear creep into my soul....It is a promise to all believers found in Isaiah 43. It is so much a favorite of mine that it fell open to this page as I cried those tears of sorrow and pain tonight over children that will never feel sorrow or pain ever again as they stand at the feet of Jesus tonight.

Israel’s Only Savior

1But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

3For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cushand Seba in your stead.

4Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you,

nations in exchange for your life.

5Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west.

6I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

7everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.”

May you win the battle over fear tonight. If ____________, then God.

The beginning of something new

I've got a sweet little guy snuggled up on my chest for the night. My hubby is out at Wal-mart buying a new TV for our bedroom (Merry Christmas babe!), and my other 2 littles are snuggled up in their new rooms.

We did it! We moved. It wasn't across the country like I thought. It was just 3 miles north. But oh, how it feels like home.

I can't really explain it. My babies sleep good here. We sleep good here. It is just us. And it feels good.

I loved our other house. And when we moved in 3 years ago, we thought it would be our 20 year home. We didn't know the Lord would grow our business the way he did, and grow our hearts into wanting more babies. We didn't really know anything then. (And we still don't know anything for the record.)


But I do love it here. We see turkey everyday.

This is our backyard. We have 3 1/2 acres and a creek back there. (There will be a pool soon enough!)

Here are the turkey in the front yard.

Luke and I saw 3 deer in the backyard one morning.

It's just like a little slice of heaven.

It's a mess. Don't get me wrong....I have had a moment everyday since we moved in of being completely overwhelmed.....moving is absolutely crazy. I'm ready for everything to be in it's place and for us to be settled. I want to get back to work and to some kind of normalcy and schedule. I know it's going to take a bit of time. That's okay.

I can't wait to host here. Christmas is going to be a blast. There is so much room for the kids to run and play. And we finally have a house big enough to comfortably host the Dalke clan!

My kids are already exploring. Daddy took them on an adventure exploring the creek yesterday. Oh, the adventures they'll have back there!

What can I say? Life is good. I'm beginning to see the end of the moving madness approaching. And life will go on.

It's not what I thought it would be, but it's still the beginning of something new. And I can't wait to see what happens next.

It's always an adventure.....

Chasing Peace

I've lived in this city for over 20 years now. It's where I met my husband, where I birthed my children, and where I fell in love with the Lord.

It's where I've met great friends, and where I met myself. It's where I overcame my fear, got my first real job, and where I grew a business that changed our lives.

We've lived in this house for almost 4 years now. And oh, if these walls could talk.

Inside the walls of this house we have learned that money doesn't make you happy but love does. We've learned how to work together and how to work apart. We've learned what it's like to serve because we felt led to. We've learned that we're not always right.

We've learned that living for the Lord doesn't always make sense to the world (or to us for that matter). We've learned that babies sometimes come.....and then go.

We've known love, pain, fear, chaos, and peace within these walls.

And next week, we'll hand the keys to someone else and move on.

I thought I knew exactly what this would look like.

I thought I had it all figured out.

And on October 31st, everything changed.

With Brian asleep on the hospital couch and a new baby boy asleep in my arms, I found that no matter what I did, sleep wouldn't come.

I kept asking myself and the Lord, what on earth we were doing. Why now? Why California? Why now?

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

What seemed like a solid plan only hours before suddenly seemed like the worst idea we'd ever had.

And 2 days later on our way home from the hospital with the newest addition to our family, I asked him the question, "What are you thinking about California?"  I couldn't hold it in any longer. I thought I might explode if I didn't get it out.

I had prayed unceasingly while we welcomed visitor after visitor into our hospital room. "Lord, do you really want us to leave all this right now?"

Neither of us were sure anymore. And before I knew it, I was looking at local real estate and so was Brian (we just weren't talking about it). I thought that maybe I was running away from what I felt the lord called us to do, and I didn't want to be a coward.

Neither of us knew why we were moving to California. We just felt the Lord leading us there. And suddenly (with no warning at all) I felt like I was flipped around and instructed to run the other way with no explanation at all.

You see, we had already sold our house (thanks to a knock on the door that I believed was an answer to a prayer), so if we wanted to stay here, we had to find a new house and quick.

A few days later, with tears barely able to contain themselves in my eyes, we made a decision to stay here, and just like that, peace overflowed my soul. I knew it was right (just like I knew moving to Cali was right only days before).

What do I know really?

Nothing.

Nothing except that this is a journey.

Tonight I ran the streets of my neighborhood and thought about all the prayer and worship and questioning and searching I had done on those streets. The Lord used running to change me into someone different.

It was on those streets that I feel in love with my savior, that I learned how to overcome fear, that I really became me.

In mere days, we will walk away from the walls where we have been changed, away from the streets that made us different, and into a new adventure.

It's not near the adventure that I thought it would be. It's not across the country. It's not as uncertain. But it will be an adventure none the less.

I still don't know where we'll be or what we'll be doing in a year. That's just the life you live when you let the Lord be in charge. But I have a pretty good feeling that we'll be here for a while longer.

I don't know why. I don't know why He sold our house with nothing more than a knock on the door from strangers. I was so sure at the time that that knock was all about us.

But the more I pray about it, the more I believe that it had nothing to do with us, and more to do with 2 people on the other side of the door.

They are not strangers anymore. They are becoming our friends, and for that, I am grateful.

Now we're moving 3 miles instead of 1,300 miles. And I still don't know why. What I do know is that surrounding this move is nothing but peace. And if there is anything I will chase after, it is peace.

Awaiting what's next.......

They Say a Baby Changes Everything

You would think that baby #3 wouldn't change too much. Especially after being a family of 6 while we had 2 foster babies, I didn't think that our sweet baby boy would change too much.

But today I find myself thinking that everything is changing. I have this uncontrollable desire to write (something that I realize I have desperately missed for the past couple months). I want to run. I want to cook. I want to re-decorate.

And in the mist of all the things I want to do, I find myself questioning everything I've ever done and all the decisions I've ever made.

They say having a baby changes everything.

And maybe he is changing everything.

I am so in love. He is perfect and snuggly and everything we ever could have asked for.

But with him comes fear and passion and a yearning. A yearning to be more and do more. A crazy desire to fling my bible wide open and not take my nose out of it until it all makes sense. I want to sit on the back porch with my hubby, drink red wine, and talk life and love and babies and the future.

They say having a baby changes everything.

And maybe it does. Maybe he will change everything I know the other 2 did. Why would he be any different?

So in love tonight......

Where have I been?

I think it's a good question since I have taken off from writing for a considerable amount of time now. It's been too long honestly.

There are things that my soul wants to do. One of them is run {which I am not doing at all at the moment since this child inside me is quite uncomfortable to even walk with} and the other is write.

There are times that I feel like I'll burst at the seams if I don't do one of the two.

For so long, so much of me and my life was lived day by day right here. Part of me does not miss that at all. But there is this other part that yearns to re-live things here on the screen.

I read once that what makes a good story is simply the desire for the reader to want to know what's coming next.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a good story, and I'm the one wanting to know what's coming next.

I think the last time we talked, we had randomly had someone knock on our front door asking if we would be interested in selling our house.

This knock came on the same day that I spent in prayer asking the Lord to knock my stubborn soul in the head with a sign of sorts that I wouldn't be able to deny. And then came the knock on the door.

Who does that? Who randomly asks someone with no sign in their yard if they're interested in selling their house? (Well, technically my husband has done that, but besides him...who does that?)

It was an answer to a prayer. It was a knock that swept away my doubts about moving. It was timely and almost humorous. And it was exactly what I needed.

This entire decision to move to California has been a complete test of my faith. I can't deny that it's where we're supposed to be. I can't tell you why (which makes it more difficult to explain), but I can't deny my peace in our decision.

{Side note}: Man I feel better with my hands on these keys!

moving on......

We have since been back to California to look for houses. Our timing is less than convenient to say the least. We looked at real estate in the middle of September, and we can't close until December. It's not exactly good timing. And with the newest addition to the Dalke family coming in late October or early November, we really won't have another chance to go back again.

We did find 3 houses that we like. Two that we love. One that just felt like home to both of us.

We made an offer on two houses. One of them has really become our 3rd choice and since being home, I've felt weird about it for some reason. But we made an offer because it is a short sale, and we were able to put in the first offer.

But we also made an offer on the house that we both felt was "the one." It's hard to become attached to a house like that because we don't really know if it's what the Lord has for us or not (even though part of me believes that it is).

I walked the property while Brian talked to the neighbor (and the 22 horses that she boards which is kind of cool) and prayed. I just prayed. I honestly didn't know what else to do. I feel a little helpless in all of this. With our timing, there really isn't much that I can physically do to swing things in our favor.

My heart so obviously felt at home in this place, and the only thing I knew to do was the Lord over and over and over again if this is what He has for us.

It's not perfect by any means. But I can't explain the way it made me feel the moment we walked in the door. Home. It just felt like home.

It's a ranch style house on 5 acres with a ting little pool in the front yard (so random, I know). There is literally a door in almost every room (because why would there not be? It's southern California people....of course there are a million ways to get outside).

The entire house has been gutted and remodeled. And there is a 1,000 square foot guest house. Yes! A guest house.....so you can all come stay! (Not all at once.....I'll come up with a calendar or something.)

Plus, there is plenty of space for Brian to plant a vineyard or citrus trees or whatever we want. There is plenty of space to entertain, and we could eventually host all sorts of things like leadership retreats, women's retreats, weddings possibly, plus all our family whenever they want to come......who knows....the possibilites are endless. It's sort of like a dream. And honestly, if it works out, it will have to be God orchestrating it all.

When we made the original offer, we found out there was actually already another offer on the house that was basically very similar to our offer. The other offer had been in for 2 weeks but they hadn't accepted yet. It was a full price offer (just like ours) with a closing date at the end of the year (very close to our desired closing date), but they needed the investors who own the property to carry an $85,000 loan because they can only get approved for a certain amount.

Our offer was a full price offer that would close on December 10th.

The investors decided that our offer really wasn't "better." I told Brian that if it was supposed to be our house....if it really was the house He had prepared for us, then it would work out.

We got a call later that day saying that the investors had talked and thought that maybe they would rather have an offer of more than full price (which we were willing to pay). They thought that that would put them in a better position since they wouldn't have to carry a loan like they were going to have to with the other offer.

I start to think that maybe this is the Lord working in our favor......

We offer more than full price, and then we wait.

And we wait.

And they decide that they're not sure which offer they want to take.

One of the problems with California real estate is that the buyer is extremely protected and can walk away at any point. The people with the other offer decided that they could move their closing date up to 30 days from now (but they still need the investors to carry a portion of their loan).  And the investors would rather have our more than full price offer, but they're afraid that we'll walk before December, and then they'll be kicking themselves when they could have sold the house in October.

So we wait.

And I let go of control.

And I give it up to the Lord. I honestly don't know if that's where He wants us or not.

When our offer was denied the 1st time, we quickly moved on and started talking about our 2nd choice. Believing that maybe that's where he wanted us.

My heart is still in the 1st house. Our 1st choice. The one that just felt like home.

Everything in me wants to know where we're going. I want to know what's next. What happens next?

I've never in my life let go of control like this. But that's where we are, and where we've been.

Where have we been? Seeking. Praying. Giving up control.

And this is where we'll wait for what's next.

Promising to keep you updated.......